Tuesday, December 31, 2013

AIRFORCE GENERAL FIRED FOR DRUNKEN MOSCOW BENDER

The Air Force has just released its official report on its investigation into Maj. Gen. Michael Carey's July trip to Moscow, which got him fired in October. Carey oversaw three wings of nuclear-armed intercontinental ballistic missiles, with 450 ICBMs in all. At the time, the dismissal was reportedly over personal misconduct during the official trip. But "misconduct," it turns out, does not even come close.
The 42-page report is a doozy. It describes Carey as drinking heavily, spending an awful lot of time with two foreign women (a possible security risk), skipping meetings, complaining, offending the Russian hosts, at one point trying to perform with a band at a Moscow bar called La Cantina and generally acting a bit like a college kid on a semester abroad. The drinking got so bad that, according to the report, "one witness was concerned that Maj Gen Carey needed assistance standing." As a bonus, the report mentions Carey's impolitic comments about "Eric Snowden."
Here are some choice excerpts from the report.

AMAZING BRUCE LEE


THE PROBLEM IS MY JEANS ARE JUST TOO TIGHT!


WOMEN ARE LIKE BACON


OBAMA AT MANDELA MEMORIAL


OBAMA MOMENTS

REAL WOMEN


STL WILL TAKE YOUR BLOOD AGAINST YOUR WILL

                       

DUMB THINGS HEARD AROUND TECH IN 2013

“Tech managers spend as much time worrying about how to hire talented female developers as they do worrying about how to hire a unicorn.”
‘misogyny’ is ‘hatred of women.’ It is not misogyny to tell a sexist joke, or to fail to take a woman seriously, or to enjoy boobies.”
“aw, you can’t feed your family on minimum wage? well who told you to start a fucking family when your skills are only worth minimum wage?
— Pax Dickinson, the ex-CTO of Business Insider, who was fired after his sexist, racist and homophobic Twitter musings went viral. Dickinson said his “jokes” were misunderstood.

Monday, December 30, 2013

Chelyabinsk Meteor

In February 2013, a massive, 12,000-ton meteor—the largest known to hit Earth since 1908—flew through the skies above Chelyabinsk, Russia at 60 times the speed of sound and shattered into pieces. The meteor caused damaged to about 7,200 buildings and caused nearly 1,500 people to seek medical attention for injuries. Luckily, no one was killed; luckier still, dozens of local residents caught the event on camera.

Read more: http://blogs.smithsonianmag.com/science/2013/12/the-coolest-science-of-2013-in-gifs/#ixzz2oy1gasW3
Give the gift of Smithsonian magazine for only $12!: http://bit.ly/1cGUiGv
Follow us: @SmithsonianMag on Twitter

I worked on the US drone program

An Elbit Systems Hermes 450 drone. Photograph: AFP/Getty Images


 Whenever I read comments by politicians defending the Unmanned Aerial Vehicle Predator and Reaper program – aka drones – I wish I could ask them some questions. I’d start with: “How many women and children have you seen incinerated by a Hellfire missile?” And: “How many men have you seen crawl across a field, trying to make it to the nearest compound for help while bleeding out from severed legs?” Or even more pointedly: “How many soldiers have you seen die on the side of a road in Afghanistan because our ever-so-accurate UAVs [unmanned aerial vehicle] were unable to detect an IED [improvised explosive device] that awaited their convoy?”
—Few of these politicians who so brazenly proclaim the benefits of drones have a real clue of what actually goes on. I, on the other hand, have seen these awful sights first hand. READ STORY

MORE

Sunday, December 29, 2013

AFGANISTAN THEN AND NOW

ISLAMIC PROGRESS

CALIFORNIA BEACH FUN

Rambunctious Mall Children






Teens allegedly cut hole in roof of Foot Action store in order to steal 16 pairs of $175 Nike Air Jordan shoes

Another crime surrounding Nike’s popular Air Jordan basketball sneakers in Houston adds another unhappy note to the flashy shoe’s troubled history



Saturday, December 28, 2013

2 Black Teen Thugettes Jump Minn. Mayoral Candidate, Billy Club Beating Required 12 Stitches



A former mayoral candidate says he was beaten during an attempted day-after-Christmas robbery at one of the nation's largest malls.
The Minneapolis Star Tribune reports that around 7 p.m. Thursday, Mark Andrew claims a male teenager snatched his iPhone at the Mall of America Starbucks. CBS Minnesota adds that after the phone was taken by the teen, Andrew went after the perpetrator, before being tackled by two teenage girls who beat him with a billy club. Police said the girls told Andrew "we're going to kill you."
“If somebody is gonna do that to me or somebody else, I’m not a bystander by nature I’ll go in and fight,” Andrew said, according to CBS Minnesota.
According to the Star Tribune, Andrews was taken to a local hospital where he received nine stitches. Both of the female suspects are in custody, while as of Friday afternoon, the male suspect was still on the loose. Andrew recovered his phone after the attempted thief apparently dropped it, the Star Tribune added.
“I was targeted because the phone was out and I’m 63 years old, and I’m sure they thought that I was easy pickins,” Andrew told the paper by phone.

What words describe you?


Mine: I am amazing.

Cryptolocker Malware Holding Up To 250,000 Computers Ransom

A virulent form of ransomware has now infected about quarter of a million Windows computers, according to a report by security researchers.
Cryptolocker scrambles users' data and then demands a fee to unencrypt it alongside a countdown clock.
Dell Secureworks said that the US and UK had been worst affected.
It added that the cyber-criminals responsible were now targeting home internet users after initially focusing on professionals.
The firm has provided a list of net domains that it suspects have been used to spread the code, but warned that more are being generated every day.
Ransomware has existed since at least 1989, but this latest example is particularly problematic because of the way it makes files inaccessible.
"Instead of using a custom cryptographic implementation like many other malware families, Cryptolocker uses strong third-party certified cryptography offered by Microsoft's CryptoAPI," said the report.
"By using a sound implementation and following best practices, the malware authors have created a robust program that is difficult to circumvent."
Ransom dilemma The first versions of Crytpolocker appear to have been posted to the net on 5 September.
Early examples were spread via spam emails that asked the user to click on a Zip-archived extension identified as being a customer complaint about the recipient's organisation.
Later it was distributed via malware attached to emails claiming there had been a problem clearing a cheque. Clicking the associated link downloaded a Trojan horse called Gameover Zeus, which in turn installed Cryptolocker onto the victim's PC.
By mid-December, Dell Secureworks said between 200,000 to 250,000 computers had been infected.
It said of those affected, "a minimum of 0.4%, and very likely many times that" had agreed to the ransom demand, which can currently only be paid in the virtual currencies Bitcoin and MoneyPak.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-25506020

The steps to guard against CryptoLocker are the same good practices that should be employed to guard against any malware attack or hardware failure:
1. Make sure you’re using antivirus software and that it’s kept up to date. Thankfully, most antivirus applications can now detect and remove CryptoLocker, but are only of use if they catch it before the encryption occurs.
2. Make sure that you regularly back up all your data. These backups should be in a form that’s disconnected from your computer by using an external USB drive that you don’t keep permanently connected to your computer. CryptoLocker will seek out any connected USB drives and network shares, and attempt to encrypt those files, too. This can also apply to files being synced to Cloud services, although you should often be able to retrieve previous, and therefore unencrypted, versions of these files via the Cloud service provider. Users of Windows starting with XP Service Pack 2 may also be able to retrieve previous (and therefore unencrypted) versions of their files, by right-clicking on an encrypted file and selecting “Properties,” then “Previous Versions.”
3. Email is CryptoLocker’s primary mode of attack, so avoid opening any email attachments from untrusted sources or that appear in any way suspicious. This should include attachments sent from banks or financial institutions and, particularly in the case of CryptoLocker, from courier companies or from Companies House.
4. Make sure the email scanning feature of your antivirus software is configured and enabled.
PCAdvisor suggests that you check right now whether CryptoLocker has found its way onto your PC by downloading and run Malwarebytes Anti-Malware. This will scan for the Trojan and remove it for you if discovered.
I have Malwarebytes Anti-Malware, one of three antivirus software I use. Malwarebytes is free. In fact, it’s running a quick scan on my laptop right now.
See also:
Sources: PCAdvisorWikipedia

TRUE HEREOS OF OUR TIME

Utility Linemen Brave Cold, Ice to Restore Power


When an ice storm glazed over Michigan last weekend, Tony Carone feared he wouldn't be spending Christmas at home with his family.
"Nobody had to call. I heard it on the top of my roof," Carone said.
The 52-year-old lineman for Detroit-based DTE Energy is one of the thousands of electrical workers who have put in double shifts trying to restore power to more than a half-million homes and businesses. Outages stretched from the Great Plains to Maine and into eastern Canada.
"My power went out the same time as everybody else's," Carone said of the power to his Lapeer home, north of Detroit. It was about 7:30 a.m. Sunday, while he was on the phone with his utility's area leader. He walked out the door a half-hour later and has been working 16 hours a day ever since.
The storm has been blamed for 17 deaths in the U.S. and 10 in Canada. Five people apparently died from carbon monoxide poisoning tied to using generators.
Michigan bore the brunt of the storm as nearly 600,000 homes and businesses lost power, and as of Friday morning, about 64,000 customers remained in the dark. Maine reported almost 12,000 outages and in eastern Canada, nearly 62,000 still hadn't had their power restored, including 33,000 in Toronto.

Pentagon sees bigger role for robot warfare



http://www.csmonitor.com/World/Security-Watch/2013/1227/New-Pentagon-blueprint-sees-bigger-role-for-robot-warfare

Five teenagers arrested when a 600-person brawl broke out in a Florida movie theater



Dec 26, 2013 1:01pm
Five teenagers were arrested when a 600-person brawl broke out in a Florida movie theater’s parking lot on Christmas night.
Described by police as a “melee,” the fight occurred around 8:30 p.m. on Wednesday outside the Hollywood River City 14 movie theater in Jacksonville when a group tried to storm the theater’s doors without purchasing tickets, police said. Several had rushed an off-duty police officer working as a security guard.
The officer “administered pepper spray to disperse the group, locked the doors and called for backup, following protocol,” said Lauri-Ellen Smith, a spokeswoman for the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office.
Soon after the pepper spray was used, “upward of 600 people moving throughout a parking lot about the size of a football field began fighting, disrupting and jumping on cars,” she said.
Sixty-two police officers were called to the scene to break up the brawl, “sequestering them and separating them,” Smith said.
Only minor injuries and damage to property were reported. No gunshots were fired, according to Smith.
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/12/600-people-involved-in-movie-theater-brawl-5-arrested/

THE RAPTURE


93 Year Old Kills “Knock-Out Game” Thug

St, Louis, MO — Gladis Bennett, 93 yr old grandmother, was on her way Saturday morning to visit her grandchildren. It was a special morning as it was her granddaughter’s 14th birthday.

She was waiting for the bus that would take her downtown. That is when everything changed for the worse. She was waiting at the bus stop and suddenly she felt the sharp pain on the left side of her body. The force was so strong it knocked her down. When she looked up she could see a group of thugs just laughing at her. One of them started kicking her. Before they could hurt her anymore she reach for her purse, pulled out her gun and shot the main assailant. Thankfully the rest ran away after that. She was terrified, she was sure they were going to kill her.
A homeless man who witnessed the attack told reporters that Bennett acted like a superhero. “I saw her get sucker punched from behind really hard. She hit the ground and then they all started kicking her. She got this huge gun out of her purse and BOOM! Headshot! Game over son, you know what I’m saying? Poor n*gga never had a chance.”
Bennett was robbed about a year prior to this incident. Her Attorney for that case prompted her to get her concealed weapons permit. She took all the required classes and received her permit shortly after. She said if she had not knows what that group of kids would’ve done to her. ARTICLE HERE

Friday, December 27, 2013

HOW TO FIX A COMPUTER


122713

VIRGIN BIRTHS


According to the results of a long-term study of reproductive health, published in the British Medical Journal, one in two hundred women in the United States reported being pregnant and giving birth without ever having sexual intercourse. 

7,870 women between the ages of 15 and 28 were studied as part of the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, between 1995 - 2009.  Of those 7,870 women, 45 reported at least one pregnancy "unrelated to the use of assisted reproductive technology."
Researchers at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found that the women who claimed virgin pregnancies shared some common traits. For example, 31% of those studied had signed a "chastity pledge," vowing not to have sex, usually citing religious reasons. 15% of non-virgins who became pregnant claim to have made similar vows.
36 of the 45 women claiming virgin pregnancies told researchers their parents never or very rarely spoke with them about sex or birth control. When researchers interviewed the parents of the women studied, 28% suggested they had insufficient knowledge of sex and contraception to discuss those subjects with their daughters.  Only 5% made this claim among the parents of those who said they had intercourse.
The authors of the "Like a virgin (mother)" say that in the wake of these scientifically impossible claims, researchers must interpret self-reported behavior by taking into account fallible memory, beliefs and wishes.

Wild fast-food secret menu items

SECRET MENUS

BEFORE LEAVING FOR THEIR MULTI $MILLION HAWAII VACATION

Since arriving in Hawaii at the weekend, the president has been spotted playing golf twice already

Obama urges Americans to volunteer to help the needy in Christmas message

  • The President says the values Jesus taught can spur Americans of all faiths to be better parents, friends, neighbors and citizens
  • First Lady Michelle says the nation should show gratitude by supporting military members and their families
By Associated Press
|

YAY FOR THE 2ND AMENDMENT!



LOGAN COUNTY, W.Va. (WSAZ)-- Two men are facing charges after police say they were caught red-handed trying to break into a Logan County home Saturday morning.
Terry Robbins, a neighbor and family member, caught the two suspects in the house and says he was forced to shoot one of the alleged burglars when he tried to attack him.
Robbins told WSAZ.com Saturday morning around 5:30 his aunt and uncle called saying their security alarm was triggered. Robbins says when he arrived at the house shortly after, he found Jimmy Walker and Justin Blair. Robbins says he and Walker are distant relatives.
Robbins says he brought a pistol with him for his own protection and when he saw the suspects told them to get on the ground until police came.
“I told them both, just please get on the ground, I’ve got a gun, I'll shoot you, don't try anything just get on the ground until the police get here,” Robbins said.
Robbins said before police could arrive, Walker tried to attack him so he shot Walker in the stomach. Robbins says he's been told he likely will not face charges.
Walker is in the hospital recovering from surgery. Blair was also taken to the hospital because while in the back seat of a state police cruiser he allegedly kicked out the window and escaped.
Blair was later caught and released from the hospital. He is now in jail.
LOGAN COUNTY, W.Va. (WSAZ) -- Two men breaking into a family's home while they were out of town were caught by a neighbor. Now, one of them is in jail while the other recovers from a gunshot wound. That's according to West Virginia State Police.
It happened early Saturday morning in Christian just outside of Man in Logan County.
Troopers say Justin Blair and Jimmy Walker kicked in the door -- causing an alarm to go off. They say the homeowner received the alert and called a neighbor to go check it out.
The neighbor caught the men and shot Walker in the abdomen. He was able to hold both men at gunpoint until police arrived.
Blair was placed in handcuffs and put into a cruiser, but while the trooper was attending to Walker -- Blair kicked out the window and escaped. He was later found, arrested and taken to the hospital. He has been released and is now in jail.
Meanwhile, Walker is recovering from surgery.
The neighbor who shot Walker is not expected to face any charges.

OBAMACARE MAY NOT COVER YOU IF YOU TRAVEL FROM YOUR HOME STATE

A prominent New York insurance broker pointed out that most of the policies offered on the ObamaCare exchanges are not national networks, so "if you need routine medical services, they will not be covered when you leave your local area," as they were before.
Travel health insurance, unfortunately, only covers emergencies. So, the broker told Paul, "a large portion of the population will have their insurance as a consideration for their mobility, which they never had before."
Imagine having to take all this into account in making decisions about where in America you want to live.
And as Paul asks, "With Americans no longer able to receive routine medical services when they travel, will they start showing up in emergency rooms for sore throats and backaches? And how will these new throngs of patients affect the waiting time of people with genuine medical emergencies?"
Meet the latest unpleasant ObamaCare surprise, right on the heels of HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius this week finally admitting that, contrary to Obama's endlessly repeated promise, "there are some individuals who may be looking at increases" in premiums.
Unrestricted movement is a birthright of our liberty. Even socialized medicine's harshest opponents didn't suspect Washington would trample that freedom.

TEXAS DECIDES TO SHUT DOWN IT'S OWN BORDER

7 Dec 2013

Texas Lieutenant Governor David Dewhurst announced a Texas-led three-week effort that he says reduced illegal immigration, smuggling, and human trafficking to a standstill in the Rio Grande River section of the U.S./Mexico border. 

The Lt. Governor spoke with me in an interview for Breitbart News; he stated: “In the Rio Grande Valley sector, nearly nothing moved in those three weeks. We shut it down. We had teams of Texas law enforcement in the brush, high altitude aircraft, gun boats, and more," he explained. “Our intel revealed that the Gulf cartel was growing frustrated with our three-week effort.”
“The border issue is just about dollars and cents,” Dewhurst said. “This proves Texas can do the job the federal government has refused to do — to invest in the border and shut it down from illegal activities that are hurting Texans and other Americans.” He added: "Texas will protect our own citizens and other Americans from the criminal gangs that are destabilizing our state and our nation.” READ MORE

PIERS MORGAN SCHOOLED ON JESUS STANCE ON HOMOSEXUALITY

Saturday, December 21, 2013

DRINK 'EM UP!


The study shows some surprising results
The tightly controlled study followed 1,824 people, ages 55 to 65 and lasted twenty years. It also took into consideration a number of variables, including socioeconomic status, physical activity, number of friends, as well as several other factors. The study was divided into three groups, abstainers, moderate drinkers and heavy drinkers. Abstainers were identified as people who never drank, or those who had drank in the past, but stopped drinking. Heavy drinkers were defined as those who drank 4 or more drinks daily. Moderate drinkers consumed one to three drinks a day.
 
After 20 years, the study revealed that moderate drinkers had the lowest mortality rate, while heavy drinkers actually lived longer than non-drinkers, who had the highest mortality rate. In percentages, 69 percent of non-drinkers died prematurely, compared to 41 percent of moderate drinkers. Heavy drinkers came out much better than the abstainers, with a 60 percent mortality rate.
 
One explanation was alcohols ability to breakdown social barriers. Researchers called it a "social Lubricant." This plus the need for humans to have strong social networks to maintain good mental and physical health was reason enough to explain the need for alcohol. Another factor at play in favor of drinking was that non-drinkers were more inclined to suffer from depression as opposed to drinkers being more sociable, if not gregarious. It was also the conclusion of the scientists that one of the added benefits of moderate consumption of alcohol, particularly red wine, also aided in maintaining heart and circulation health. This little fact brings to mind an article by Tony Edwards, Science journalist and writer in the Daily Mail. Edwards wrote, and these are his words, that after reading thousands of papers on the benefits of drinking, he found that alcohol can stave off cancer, colitis and even the common cold. All this, in addition to its well-known benefits in helping to prevent heart disease, strokes, circulatory ailments and migraine headaches. It's eye-opening reading.
 
It has been found that low levels of ethanol in the blood stream prevent the formation of formaldehyde found in some foods we consume. Actually, ethanol is used as an antidote in methanol poisoning in the emergency room in many hospitals.
 
Naturally-occurring methanol is found in some of the fruits and vegetables we normally consume. It is also found that the artificial sweetener, aspartame, converts into methanol in the body. Normally, this causes no problems because the methanol binds with pectin, and is excreted in the stool, leaving none to be absorbed in the body. Problems arise when we can or bottle fruit or vegetable juices, because the methanol tends to be released from the pectin, becoming free methanol. This the body absorbs, passing through the blood/brain barrier and converting into formaldehyde. You now have a very potent toxin, and this is dangerous.  
 
 
 

BOIL WATER IN A HALF PICOSECOND

Hamburg physicists discover way to boil water in half picosecond

By Sonia D'Costa
Dec 18, 2013 in Science

A picosecond is equal to one trillionth of a second. If an object were to move at the speed of light for one picosecond, it will move 0.30mm. In their report published in Angewandte Chemie, the German physicists say that the concept opens up new ways of conducting experiments with water. Oriol Vendrell, a Deutsches Elektronen-Synchrotron (DESY) scientist at CFEL, says: “Water is the single most important medium in which chemical and biological processes take place. Water is not just a passive solvent, but plays an important role in the dynamics of biological and chemical processes by stabilizing certain chemical compounds and enabling specific reactions.” So, how does one boil water in just half a picosecond? One would require terahertz radiation, which comprises electromagnetic waves of a frequency between the frequencies of microwave and infrared waves. There are several ways to create terahertz flashes, but CFEL scientists used a free-electron laser to do so. The terahertz flash so created was found to increase the intensity of the interaction among water molecules in the shortest time possible, making the water molecules vibrate fast and generate a lot of heat.

A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE

The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. He hadn't been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away. It was just another day to him. He didn't hate Christmas, just couldn't find a reason to celebrate. He was sitting there looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour and wondering what it was all about when the door opened and a homeless man stepped through.

Instead of throwing the man out, Old George as he was known by his customers, told the man to come and sit by the heater and warm up. "Thank you, but I don't mean to intrude," said the stranger. "I see you're busy, I'll just go."
"Not without something hot in your belly." George said.
He turned and opened a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger. "It ain't much, but it's hot and tasty. Stew ... Made it myself. When you're done, there's coffee and it's fresh."
Just at that moment he heard the "ding" of the driveway bell. "Excuse me, be right back," George said. There in the driveway was an old '53 Chevy. Steam was rolling out of the front.. The driver was panicked. "Mister can you help me!" said the driver, with a deep Spanish accent. "My wife is with child and my car is broken." George opened the hood. It was bad. The block looked cracked from the cold, the car was dead.
"You ain't going in this thing," George said as he turned away.
"But Mister, please help ..." The door of the office closed behind George as he went inside. He went to the office wall and got the keys to his old truck, and went back outside. He walked around the building, opened the garage, started the truck and drove it around to where the couple was waiting. "Here, take my truck," he said. "She ain't the best thing you ever looked at, but she runs real good."
George helped put the woman in the truck and watched as it sped off into the night. He turned and walked back inside the office. "Glad I gave 'em the truck, their tires were shot too. That 'ol truck has brand new ." George thought he was talking to the stranger, but the man had gone. The Thermos was on the desk, empty, with a used coffee cup beside it. "Well, at least he got something in his belly," George thought.
George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start. It cranked slowly, but it started. He pulled it into the garage where the truck had been. He thought he would tinker with it for something to do. Christmas Eve meant no customers. He discovered the the block hadn't cracked, it was just the bottom hose on the radiator. "Well, shoot, I can fix this," he said to himself. So he put a new one on.
"Those tires ain't gonna get 'em through the winter either." He took the snow treads off of his wife's old Lincoln . They were like new and he wasn't going to drive the car anyway.
As he was working, he heard shots being fired. He ran outside and beside a police car an officer lay on the cold ground. Bleeding from the left shoulder, the officer moaned, "Please help me."
George helped the officer inside as he remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic. He knew the wound needed attention. "Pressure to stop the bleeding," he thought. The uniform company had been there that morning and had left clean shop towels. He used those and duct tape to bind the wound. "Hey, they say duct tape can fix anythin'," he said, trying to make the policeman feel at ease.
"Something for pain," George thought. All he had was the pills he used for his back. "These ought to work." He put some water in a cup and gave the policeman the pills. "You hang in there, I'm going to get you an ambulance."
The phone was dead. "Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there talk box out in your car." He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the dashboard destroying the two way radio.
He went back in to find the policeman sitting up. "Thanks," said the officer. "You could have left me there. The guy that shot me is still in the area."
George sat down beside him, "I would never leave an injured man in the Army and I ain't gonna leave you." George pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding. "Looks worse than what it is. Bullet passed right through 'ya. Good thing it missed the important stuff though. I think with time your gonna be right as rain."
George got up and poured a cup of coffee. "How do you take it?" he asked.
"None for me," said the officer..
"Oh, yer gonna drink this. Best in the city. Too bad I ain't got no donuts." The officer laughed and winced at the same time.
The front door of the office flew open. In burst a young man with a gun. "Give me all your cash! Do it now!" the young man yelled. His hand was shaking and George could tell that he had never done anything like this before.
"That's the guy that shot me!" exclaimed the officer.
"Son, why are you doing this?" asked George, "You need to put the cannon away. Somebody else might get hurt."
The young man was confused. "Shut up old man, or I'll shoot you, too. Now give me the cash!"
The cop was reaching for his gun. "Put that thing away," George said to the cop, "we got one too many in here now."
He turned his attention to the young man. "Son, it's Christmas Eve. If you need money, well then, here. It ain't much but it's all I got. Now put that pea shooter away."
George pulled $150 out of his pocket and handed it to the young man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time. The young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and began to cry. "I'm not very good at this am I? All I wanted was to buy something for my wife and son," he went on. "I've lost my job, my rent is due, my car got repossessed last week."
George handed the gun to the cop. "Son, we all get in a bit of squeeze now and then. The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the best we can."
He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a chair across from the cop. "Sometimes we do stupid things." George handed the young man a cup of coffee. "Bein' stupid is one of the things that makes us human. Comin' in here with a gun ain't the answer. Now sit there and get warm and we'll sort this thing out."
The young man had stopped crying. He looked over to the cop. "Sorry I shot you. It just went off. I'm sorry officer."
"Shut up and drink your coffee " the cop said.
George could hear the sounds of sirens outside. A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt. Two cops came through the door, guns drawn. "Chuck! You ok?" one of the cops asked the wounded officer.
"Not bad for a guy who took a bullet. How did you find me?"
"GPS locator in the car. Best thing since sliced bread. Who did this?" the other cop asked as he approached the young man.
Chuck answered him, "I don't know. The guy ran off into the dark. Just dropped his gun and ran."
George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other.
"That guy work here?" the wounded cop continued.
"Yep," George said, "just hired him this morning. Boy lost his job."
The paramedics came in and loaded Chuck onto the stretcher. The young man leaned over the wounded cop and whispered, "Why?"
Chuck just said, "Merry Christmas boy ... and you too, George, and thanks for everything."
"Well, looks like you got one doozy of a break there. That ought to solve some of your problems."
George went into the back room and came out with a box. He pulled out a ring box. "Here you go, something for the little woman. I don't think Martha would mind. She said it would come in handy some day."
The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever saw. "I can't take this," said the young man. "It means something to you."
"And now it means something to you," replied George. "I got my memories. That's all I need."
George reached into the box again. An airplane, a car and a truck appeared next. They were toys that the oil company had left for him to sell. "Here's something for that little man of yours."
The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the old man had handed him earlier.
"And what are you supposed to buy Christmas dinner with? You keep that too," George said. "Now git home to your family."
The young man turned with tears streaming down his face. "I'll be here in the morning for work, if that job offer is still good."
"Nope. I'm closed Christmas day," George said. "See ya the day after."
George turned around to find that the stranger had returned. "Where'ed you come from? I thought you left?"
"I have been here. I have always been here," said the stranger. "You say you don't celebrate Christmas. Why?"
"Well, after my wife passed away, I just couldn't see what all the bother was. Puttin' up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine tree. Bakin' cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn't the same by myself and besides I was gettin' a little chubby."
The stranger put his hand on George's shoulder. "But you do celebrate the holiday, George. You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold and hungry. The woman with child will bear a son and he will become a great doctor.
The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from being killed by terrorists. The young man who tried to rob you will make you a rich man and not take any for himself. "That is the spirit of the season and you keep it as good as any man."
George was taken aback by all this stranger had said. "And how do you know all this?" asked the old man.
"Trust me, George. I have the inside track on this sort of thing. And when your days are done you will be with Martha again."
The stranger moved toward the door. "If you will excuse me, George, I have to go now. I have to go home where there is a big celebration planned."
George watched as the old leather jacket and the torn pants that the stranger was wearing turned into a white robe. A golden light began to fill the room.
"You see, George ... it's My birthday. Merry Christmas."
George fell to his knees and replied, "Happy Birthday, Lord Jesus"
This story is better than any greeting card.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS!

Now clear the lump from your throat, blow your nose, and send this along to a friend of yours or someone who may need a reminder as to why we celebrate Christmas

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Friday, December 20, 2013

HOW TO MAKE A MAN/WOMAN HAPPY

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Feed him
2. Sleep with him
3. Leave him with peace…
4. Don’t check his phone (Msgs)
5. Don’t bother him with his movements
So whats so hard about that ?
HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY
It’s really not too difficult but…. To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a plumber
10. a mechanic
11. a carpenter
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. Go shopping with her
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes.
BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT
53. never forget
*birthdays
*anniversaries
*valentine
*arrangements she makes.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

TIMMY'S CHRISTMAS LETTER.....JACK.


 
Dear Santa,

How are you?  How is Mrs. Claus?  I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine.  I have been a very good boy this year.  I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas.  I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,

Timmy Jones

***********************************

Dear Timmy,

Thank you for you letter.  Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them.  Santa is a little worried about all the time you spend playing video games and texting.  Santa wouldn't want you to get fat.  Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.

Merry Christmas,

Santa Claus
 
******************************************

Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the "Naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for.  I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation.  Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

Respectfully,

Tim Jones

**************************************

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided.  Should you wish to pursue legal action, well, that is your right.  Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court.

Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,

S Claus
 
************************************

Now look here, Fat Man, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it.  I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this.  Now you just be disrespecting me.  I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want.  WHATEVER I WANT, MAN!

T-Bone

*********************************************

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously???  You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe?  "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake."  Sound familiar, genius?  You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal.  I got your shit wired, Jack.  I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement.  You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your a-- and then walk it dry.  Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

***************************************

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit.  I'll appreciate anything.

Timmy

*************************************

Timmy,

That's what I thought, you little b-----d.

Santa


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