Saturday, April 8, 2017

PIX-N-TOONZ-N-STUFF 040817


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The greatest World's Fair on the planet - and it all started with shoveling horse poo.



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I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov’s dog and Schrodinger’s cat- She said it rang a bell, but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.


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(CNN)Survivors of a deadly airstrike in Syria have described chemical bombs being dropped from planes, in accounts that directly contradicted the Assad regime's version of a dawn attack that drew condemnation around the world.

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The father told Breitbart News how he’d gotten a call at work saying his daughter had been raped and left to see what had happened:
Victim’s Father: “I finally got covered and I ran across the street, from my work to my home, and there was just a whole bunch of people outside my apartment, from all families, and I just walked into the apartment and, uh… our… they had, a phone sitting there, and they said yeah, they recorded this, you know. You need to look at this real quick, and I pushed play on that. I watched like thirty seconds.”


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A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial; he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practicalexam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade.

The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.” After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career.”


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So, even without her parents’ scandal-ridden past to hinder her possible ascension to the 2020 Democrat nomination, the younger Clinton has enough problems that could detonate her own presidential aspirations. According to the Detroit News, she did not officially rule out a presidential run. She slyly remarked, “I clearly don’t agree with our president, but I’m definitely not the right person to run to defeat him in 2020,” she continued. “So right now, the answer is no. But I think we all need to be asking ourselves that question periodically.”
OH HELL NO!!!



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Swedish police have confirmed they discovered a suspect device inside the lorry which was driven into a Stockholm department store on Friday. The device was found in the driver's seat, National Police Commissioner Dan Eliasson said, but it was not known whether it was a bomb. Mr Eliasson also said the suspect in custody was from Uzbekistan, 39, and known to security services.

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We thought left-wing propagandist Dan Rather had hit rock bottom when he was forced to walk the plank at CBS News and washed up as a regular guest at MSNBC. But for The Dan, there is always a new low. According to Canada Free Press, now he is falsely passing himself off as having served in the Marines.

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DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish…………………………49
Adventurous…………………Slept with all your friends
Athletic……………………….No boobs
Average looking……………..Ugly
Beautiful………………………Pathological liar
Contagious Smile…………….Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure…………..On medication
Feminist……………………….Fat
Free spirit……………………..Junkie
Friendship first……………….Former slut
Fun…………………………….Annoying
Gentle…………………………Dull
New Age………………………Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded…………………Desperate
Outgoing………………………Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate……………………Sloppy drunk
Poet……………………………Depressive
Professional…………………..Bitch
Romantic………………………Frigid
Voluptuous……………………Very Fat
Large frame…………………..Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate…………….Stalker
Widow…………………………Murderer


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Meet Albert: AI-powered computer looks JUST like a mirror (and even has a sense of humour)- Albert can change his voice, gender, accent and even his sense of humour. The AI companion lives inside Duo, a computer which looks just like a mirror. It can stream videos, control lights, play games and tell you the day's headlines.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4390852/Meet-Albert-AI-powered-computer-looks-like-mirror.html#ixzz4dfQc9p6i
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Germany business leaders have suggested Brexit may come with a silver lining for Ireland: boosting its attractiveness as an English-language business base for German firms already winding down engagement with the UK.

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PETALING JAYA: DAP parliamentary leader Lim Kit Siang has characterised the inclusion of the alleged 1MDB scandal in a list of investigations by the Swiss Attorney-General’s office in its annual report for 2016 as a “national shame” for Malaysia.
“What a national shame that Malaysia should be berated by another foreign country and included in the ranks of international corruption scandals,” he said in a statement today.



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According to two leading scientists, the human brain is in fact a ‘biological computer’ and the consciousness of humans is a program run by the quantum computer located inside the brain that even continues to exist after we die.
As experts explain it; “after people die, their soul comes back to the universe, and it does not die.”
Either that or they been smoking real good shit!!

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A brunette goes into a doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

“Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.”

She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain.

The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette are you?”

She says, “No, I dyed my hair. I’m naturally blonde.”

“I thought so,” he says. “Your finger is broken.”



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