Wednesday, April 12, 2017

PIX-N-TOONZ-N-STUFF 041217


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Walmart has a new kind of discount — and it's impossible for Amazon to beat
Walmart is rolling out a new discount for online shoppers that will be challenging for Amazon to beat. Starting April 19, the retailer will offer a discount to customers who ship purchases to one of Walmart's more than 4,100 US stores, instead of to a ..


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Where does the Ubuntu Linux desktop go from here? | ZDNet
Ubuntu's moving to a Gnome 3 desktop from here on out. Here's the plan.


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Daily Mail pays Melania Trump $2.9 million to settle lawsuit
The Daily Mail has apologized to Melania Trump and agreed to pay damages in order to settle lawsuits filed by the first lady after the publisher made false claims ...


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A tweet from the German club’s official Twitter account an hour before kick-off at the Westfalenstadion had first alerted news of an incident. “At our bus departure, an incident has occurred. One person was injured. More information to follow,” it read. A later tweet read: “A bomb exploded at the team bus next to the hotel. The players are safe. There is no danger at the stadium” before the club confirmed the match has been rearranged for Wednesday, kicking off at 6.45pm local time.

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On Sunday, via Instagram, Bryant posted four photos of text discussing his thoughts on race in America; thoughts that have garnered some controversy. In the text, he called for black people in America to rise up and make a better life for themselves.

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A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."
"He gets her name, address, Social security number, etc. and then asks, "what's your occupation?"
"I'm a Lady of the night," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "let's try to rephrase that."
"The woman says, "ok, I'm a high-end call girl."
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
"They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "what does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
The accountant says, "Chicken Farmer it is."



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Retiree Mental Fitness Evaluation
This test is to ascertain your mental state now. If you get one right you are doing ok, if you get none right you better go for counseling. (I'll meet you there.)

There are 4 test questions. Don't miss one.

Giraffe Test
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.





The correct answer : Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

Elephant Test
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? 




Did you say, open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer.









Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

Lion King Test
3. The Lion King is hosting an Animal Conference. All the animals attend ... except one. Which animal does not attend?








Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

Crocodile Test
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?





Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Haven't you been lis-ten-ing? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the Retirees they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that most Retirees do not have the brains of a four-year-old.

Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.. 

PS: Just the fact that I sent it to you should make you feel good.


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When you're on a United flight today and someone says the plane is starting to look a bit full.






























SIGN ON UNITED SEAT 



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