Thursday, August 3, 2017

PIX-N-TOONZ-N-STUFF 080417

FRIDAY 080417 FRIDAY 080417 
FRIDAY 080417 FRIDAY 080417 
FRIDAY 080417 FRIDAY 080417 
FRIDAY 080417 FRIDAY 080417 

!!!FRIDAY!!!
!!!FRIDAY!!!



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Hillary phoned the President's office shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to President Trump, it’s an emergency!”, exclaimed Hillary.


After some cajoling, the President's assistant agreed to disturb his boss's study time. “So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?”, grumbled Trump.


“Supreme Court Judge Ginsburg just died, and I would like to take her place.”, begged Hillary.


“Well, it’s alright with me, if it’s OK with the funeral home.”, replied President Trump.




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Ranking the richest and poorest SEC football programs- With fall practice starting up across the Southeastern Conference, it's worth looking at just how big a revenue gulf there is among the league's 14 programs. Here is where each school's football program ranks in revenue based off its 2015-16 U.S. Department of Education athletic filings.



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HAVE SOME BALONEY!




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To show her support for the local Somali Muslims, a liberal feminist walked into a migrant-run store…
However, as soon as she picked up an item for purchase, she was met with the brutal consequences of her decision, courtesy of the store owner himself…
As soon as she made it known that she wanted to buy the dress, the Somali Muslim shop owner confronted her, refusing her service because she is a non-Muslim woman who refuses to wear a hijab…
Fors stated that she was forced to leave the store, angry that she had been discriminated against in her own country, according to Fria Tider. She added that she felt like she “had returned to Iran’s religious oppression” and was outraged that the Muslim owner adhered to Sharia law instead of assimilating to Swedish culture



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VIEW FROM WHITEMARSH ISLAND  OF LARGE CARGO SHIP ENTERING THE SAVANNAH PORT
OOCL Korea, a 13,200 TEU vessel, is making its way to the Port of Savannah. The vessel is one of the largest to ever call on the East Coast.




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Black Teenagers Attack Dallas Man Requesting Them To Stop Smoking On Train- ideo of a Dallas man attacked by a group of seven young people went viral Wednesday. The group was seen kicking and punching the victim repeatedly in a train car Sunday night after he had asked them to stop smoking marijuana.  The group, composed of five males and two females, is seen punching, kicking and using a skateboard to attack Keenan Jones, a 44-year-old father, on a Dallas Area Rapid Transit (DART) train. The attack occurred at about 11:30 p.m.


Shocking video shows a gang of black teenagers punching, kicking and spitting on a group of defenseless youngsters in a vicious and unprovoked attack.


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In a recent survey carried out for the leading toiletries firm 'Brut', people from Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

In the survey, 86% of Chicago's inner-city residents (all of whom voted Democrat; many voting often) said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.


The other 14% said they haven't been to prison yet.




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It has become a rite of summer. Every year, a "dead zone" appears in the Gulf of Mexico. It's an area where water doesn't have enough oxygen for fish to survive. And every year, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration commissions scientists to venture out into the Gulf to measure it. This week, NOAA announced that this year's dead zone is the biggest one ever measured. It covers 8,776 square miles — an area the size of New Jersey. And it's adding fuel to a debate over whether state and federal governments are doing enough to cut pollution that comes from farms.


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Weddings are meant to be a time for love and celebration, but a bride’s big day was ruined when she was arrested on assault charges over an alleged gun incident.
Tennessee bride Kate Prichard allegedly pulled a gun out of her wedding dress and put it to her groom’s head during a drunken motel argument, just hours after the wedding.
The 25-year-old pointed the 9mm handgun at her new husband James Burton’s head and pulled the trigger, however it was not loaded, police say. BAT SHIT CRAZY BITCH!!!





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ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND

Some good advice…let it soak in, or, face the consequences….
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol.

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch each day in the Men's Grill at the Golf Club, so eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.  She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done, before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break, when she was only half-finished mowing the front lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man... I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol.  I'm not saying that showing this much patience & consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.  After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum.
The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby.
His wife Carol Anne was arrested and charged with murder...
The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.
A hole in one, so to speak!!



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MAYBE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FIRED IT GUY??






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MASSIVE CAT ! French Angler Charly Da caught this 8' 6" Behemoth Wels cat from a undisclosed river in France. Estimated weight was just under 300 lbs ! This is one of the Largest Wels cat taken on Rod & Reel !


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SUNSHINE STATE PAYDAY ! Tell me the Everglades doesn't have a Python Problem ! I will tell you that Pinocchio wasn't made of Wood ! Python Hunter Bill Booth with a truck load of pythons ! 



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St.Tammany Parish River Monster ! This adult Bull Shark was caught in the Tchefuncte River very close to T Rivers Bar ! The Picture was taken at the mouth of Lake Ponchatrain ! Bull Sharks inhabit every River System in the World. "Bon Ton Roula" ! 



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TX SIZE COTTONMOUTH ! Livingston,TX. Cade James with a Beast Cottomouth. Yes I know he's holding the Snake out to the camera, but that's still a Massive Cottonmouth ! Watch your Step this time of year. A Bite from that Beast would be a Bad Day !



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ONE LINERS

19 Newfoundlanders go to the cinema. The ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Lars replies, "The write-up said 18 or over."

My daughter asked for a pet spider for her birthday. I went to the pet shop & they were $70. Forget it, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an A.T.M. yesterday. A little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

Neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am! Can you believe that? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Wife was counting nickles & dimes & quarters on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry & started shouting & crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

An East Indian man moved in next door. He has traveled the world, swam with sharks, wrestled bears & climbed the highest mountain. Not surprised to learn his name is Bindair Dundat.





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