Sunday, April 23, 2017

VERN'S FUNERAL EXPECTED SOON






Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends
two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.


His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard,
so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.




The doorman at the club greets them and says,
"Hey, Vern! How ya doin?"


His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.


"Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowlingleague ."



When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern
if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable
and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"


"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."


A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her
arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all
over him and says...
"Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"


Vern's wife, now furious,grabs her purse and
storms out of the club.


Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper
must have mistaken him for someone else,
but his wife is having none of it.


She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,
calling him every 4 letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says,


'Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.'

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Monday, April 3, 2017

BEAR WITH ME ON THIS

These pictures are of a  man who works for the US Forest Service in Alaska, and his trophy  bear. 



He was deer  hunting last week when the large grizzly charged him from about 50 yards away. The guy emptied his  7mm Magnum semi-automatic rifle into the  bear and it dropped a few feet from him. The big bear was still alive so the hunter reloaded and shot it several times in the head.  

The bear was just  over one thousand six hundred pounds. It stood 12' 6’’ high at the shoulder, 14' to the  top of his head. It is the largest  grizzly bear ever recorded in the  world.

The Alaska Fish  and Wildlife Commission did not let him keep it as a  trophy, of course; but the bear will be  stuffed and mounted, and placed on display at the Anchorage airport to remind tourists of the risks involved in the wild.  

Analyzing contents  of the bears stomach, the Fish and Wildlife Commission established the bear had killed at least  two humans in the past 72  hours, including a hiker missing two days  prior to the bear's own death. 

Backtracking from where the bear had originated, the US Forest Service found the hiker's emptied 38-caliber pistol. Not far from the pistol was the  remains of the hiker. The other body has not been  found.

Although the hiker fired six shots and managed to hit the grizzly with four (that the Service ultimately retrieved, along with twelve 7mm slugs, inside the  bear's body), it only wounded the bear and probably angered it immensely.  

Think about this:

If you are an average size man, you would be level with the bear's navel when he stood upright. The bear would look you in the eye when it walked on all fours! To give additional perspective, this bear, standing on its hind legs, could walk up to an average single story house and look over the roof; or stand beside a two story house and look in the upper bedroom windows.
 
WOW! 

BORN 1925-1955







No matter what our kids And the new generation think about us,
That’s the way it was Ha Ha



WE ARE AWESOME !!! 
OUR Lives are LIVING PROOF !!! 


To Those of Us Born 
1925 - 1955: 
At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno.


If you don't read anything else, Please read what he said. 
~~~~~~~~~ 
TO ALL THE
KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 
1930s, '40s, 'and


50s, !! 


First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank 
While they were pregnant. 


They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. 


Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs
Covered with bright colored
Lead-based paints. 


We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, 
And, when we rode our bikes, 
We had baseball caps, 
Not helmets, on our heads. 




As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.. 




Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat. 


We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. 




We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this. 




We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar.
And we weren't overweight. 
WHY? 


Because we were always outside playing...that's why! 


We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. 
No one was able to reach us all day. 
--And, we were OKAY. 




We would spend hours building 
Our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, 
Only to find
Out we forgot the brakes.. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned To solve the problem.. 




We did not
Have Play Stations, Nintendos and X-boxes. There were 
No video games,
No 150 channels on cable, 
No video movies
Or DVDs, 
No surround-sound or
CDs, 
No cell phones, 
No personal computers, 
No Internet and
No chat rooms. 




WE HAD FRIENDS 
And we went
Outside and found them! 


We fell out of
trees, got cut, 
Broke bones and
Teeth, 
And there were
No lawsuits 
From those accidents.

We would get
Spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, 
And no one would call child services to report abuse. 



We ate worms,
And mud pies 
Made from dirt,
And 
The worms did
Not live in us forever. 



We were given
BB guns for our 10th birthdays, 22 rifles for our 12th, rode horses,made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and
-although we were
Told it would happen- we did not put out very many eyes. 


We rode bikes
Or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just Walked in and talked to them. 








Little League had
tryouts 
And not everyone
Made the team. 
Those who didn't
Had to learn 
To deal with
Disappointment. 


Imagine that!! 




The idea of a parent bailing
Us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! 




These generations have
Produced some of the best risk-takers, 
Problem solvers, and
Inventors ever. 


The past 60
To 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas.. 


We had freedom,
Failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.. 




If YOU are
One of those born 
Between 1925-1955, CONGRATULATIONS! 


You might want
to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers
and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good. 


While you are
at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know how brave and lucky their parents
were. 


Kind of makes
you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ? 
~~~~~~~ 
The quote of
the month 
by 
Jay Leno: 

"With hurricanes, tornados,
fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the 
country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist 
attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?" 







For those that
prefer to think that God is not watching over us...

Friday, March 31, 2017

CLEVER SIGNS

Seattle Propane (at Wallingford Chevron) has a person with a really good sense of humor running their sign department.









You'd be 3/4 dead




































BEST BATHROOM SIGNS!

BEST BATHROOM SIGNS!






























AND FINALLY THE ONE THE LADIES LIKE THE BEST