Wednesday, November 25, 2020

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

 



RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.

OOPSIES

 




Saturday, November 21, 2020

LAST RIDE

Another one from FB I felt the need to share....



The Man Page

November 15 at 5:19 PM  · 

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. 

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie. 

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. 

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard 

box filled with photos and glassware. 

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. 

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. 

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.' 

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive 

through downtown?' 

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.. 

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice. 

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice..'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. 

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked. 

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. 

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. 

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing. 

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired.Let's go now'. 

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. 

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. 

They must have been expecting her. 

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair. 

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse. 

'Nothing,' I said 

'You have to make a living,' she answered. 

'There are other passengers,' I responded. 

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.She held onto me tightly. 

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.' 

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut.It was the sound of the closing of a life.. 

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk.What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? 

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. 

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. 

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one. 

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY 

WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID ~BUT~THEY WILL 

ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM 

FEEL. 

At the bottom of this great story was a request to forward this - I deleted that request because if you have read to this point, you won't have to be asked to pass it along you just will... 

Thank you, my friend... 

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

092120

Tuesday, November 17, 2020

Posted at Gateway Pundit: summary of what has been exposed so far

From a friend on FB, so you know it's true....


 Here is the summary of what has been exposed so far. 

Posted at Gateway Pundit:

Dominion serves 40% of the US market. It is in 30 states.

– The state of Texas rejected the machines.

– Smartmatic entered into an agreement with Dominion in 2009

– Smartmatic is connected to Philippine voter fraud

– Smartmatic is run by Lord Mark Malloch Brown who works for George Soros.

– Brown chairs the Boards of a number of non-profit boards including the Open Society Foundation,

– Brown chairs the Centre for Global Development.

– Open society of course is owned by George Soros

– Smartmatic partnered with DLA Piper Global

– Douglas C. Emhoff works at DLA Piper Global

– Douglass C. Emhoff is Kamala Harris’s husband

– Guess who owns Dominion? Blum Capital Partners, L.P. ***

– Guess who is on the board for the company? Richard C. Blum. ***

– Richard C. Blum is husband to Dianne Feinstein. ***

– Nancy Pelosi’s husband is also an investor

– An aide to Nancy Pelosi, Nadeam Elshami, was hired by the Dominion Voting Systems

– Dominion Voting Systems is literally listed on the Clinton Foundation website.

– “The DELIAN Project: Democracy through Technology” is the title of the page.

– Georgia Governor Kemp purchased machines after Texas and Florida rejected

– Dominion Voting has a lobbyist name Jared Thomas

– Jared Thomas was Governor Brian Kemp’s chief of staff and press secretary from 2012 to 2015

– You must remember the Feinstein-Kavanaugh-Soros connections to understand the depth

– Debra Katz (Christine Ford’s lawyer) worked for George-Soros at the Open Society Foundation.

– Debra Katz (Christine Ford’s lawyer) also worked at Project on Government Oversight (POGO).

– POGO is funded by Soros’s Open Society Foundation.

– POGO is the co-signer of the letter Diane Feinstein had on Kavanaugh.

– Kamala Harris did not prosecute OneWest Bank for their fraud

– Soros owned OneWest Bank.

– Now you know why a woman who placed 7th in her state is a VP candidate

Monday, November 16, 2020

WE REMEMBER

 For the last 4+ years, the Democrats have gone scorched earth. You have salted the fields and now you want to grow crops.


The problem is 72+ million of us have memories longer than a hamster.

We remember the women’s march (vagina hats and all) the day after inauguration.

We remember the 4 years of attacks and impeachments

We remember “not our president” and the “Resistance…”

We remember Maxie Walters telling followers to harass us in restaurants.

We remember the Presidents spokesperson being kicked out a restaurant.

We remember hundreds of Trump supporters physically attacked.

We remember Trump supporters getting Doxed, and fired from jobs.

We remember riots, and looting

We remember “a comedian” holding up the President’s severed head

We remember a play in Central park paid with public funding, showing the killing of President Trump

We remember Robert de Niro yelling “F" Trump” at the Tony’s and getting a standing ovation.

We remember Nancy Pelosi tearing up the State of the Union Address.

We remember the total in the tank move on the mainstream media

We remember the non-stop and live fact checking on our President and his supporters.

We remember non-stop in your face lies and open cover-ups from the media.

We remember the President and his staff being spied on.

We remember five Senators shot on a ballfield.

We remember every so-called comedy show turn into nothing but Trump hate fest.

We remember 95% negative coverage in the news.

We remember the state governors asking and getting everything they ask for and then blaming Trump for their problems.

We remember a Trump top aid verbally assaulted in two DC restaurants.

We remember people banging on the Supreme Court doors.

We remember that we were called every name in the book for supporting President Trump.

We remember that Hollywood said they would leave after Trump was elected but they stayed.

This list is endless, but you get the idea.

My friends will be my friends, but a party that has been on the attack for 4 long years does not get a free pass with me!


Friday, November 13, 2020

LESSONS FROM CHARLIE CHAPLIN

 



Charlie Chaplin lived 88 years

He left us 4 statements:

(1) Nothing is forever in this world, not even our problems.

(2) I love walking in the rain because no one can see my tears.

(3) The most lost day in life is the day we don't laugh.

(4) Six best doctors in the world...:

1. The sun

2. Rest

3. Exercise

4. Diet

5. Self-respect

6. Friends

Stick to them at all stages of your life and enjoy a healthy life...

If you see the moon, you will see the beauty of God...

If you see the sun, you will see the power of God...

If you see a mirror, you will see God's best creation. So believe it.

We are all tourists, God is our travel agent who has already identified our routes, bookings and destinations... trust him and enjoy life.

Life is just a journey! Therefore, live today!

Tomorrow may not be.

Wednesday, November 11, 2020

MARKETING FOR WOMEN

 MARKETING COURSE FOR WOMEN

 

One buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING.
However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."
Well, here it is:

* You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to
him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Direct Marketing.

______________________________ ______________________________ _____________________
* You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says,
"She's fantastic in bed."

That's Advertising.
______________________________ ______________________________ _____________________

* You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic
in bed."

That's Telemarketing.
______________________________ ______________________________ ____________________

* You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up
to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to
straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm,
and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Public Relations.
______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________

* You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and
says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."

That's Brand Recognition.
______________________________ ______________________________ _________________________

*You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you
talk him into going home with your friend.

That's a Sales Rep.
______________________________ ______________________________ _________________________

* Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.

That's Tech Support.
______________________________ ______________________________ _________________________

* You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto
the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of
your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"

That's Facebook.
______________________________ ______________________________ _________________________

* You are at a party; this attractive older man walks up to you and
grabs your ass.

That's Donald Trump.
______________________________ ______________________________ _________________________

* You didn't mind it, but twenty years later your attorney decides
you were offended and you are awarded a settlement.

That's America !