The Jewish ELBOW
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your e lbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?...
"What...You coming empty handed?!!"
Wise Italian Grandfather
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their hand guns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissin ame. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns...how about you leave me your Rol ex watch instead?!"
"You lissin ame, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lots a money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos."
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with anotherr man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Point at your watch and say, 'times up'?!
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your e lbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?...
"What...You coming empty handed?!!"
Wise Italian Grandfather
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their hand guns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissin ame. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns...how about you leave me your Rol ex watch instead?!"
"You lissin ame, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lots a money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos."
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with anotherr man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Point at your watch and say, 'times up'?!
Irish blonde...
An attractive blond from Cork , Ireland , arrived
at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said,"I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude. "with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed."Yes!Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally,one of them asked,"What did she roll?" The other answered,"I don't know-I thought you were watching."
An attractive blond from Cork , Ireland , arrived
at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said,"I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude. "with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed."Yes!Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally,one of them asked,"What did she roll?" The other answered,"I don't know-I thought you were watching."
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