==============================================
Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co- worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware. As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report. "Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot."
==============================================
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner my Love?... Chicken, beef or fish?"
I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
She replied "You're having soup, asshole. I was talking to the cat.
==============================================
Did you ever have a Tyrone in your class?
Tyrone was having trouble in school, his teacher was always
yelling at him,
"You're driving me crazy Tyrone, you can't learn anything."
One day Tyrone's mother came to school to see how he was doing.
The teacher told her honestly that her son was simply a
disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never had such an
unmotivated and ignorant boy in her entire teaching career.
Tyrone's mom, shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit , relocating to Cleveland .
Twenty Five years later, the teacher was diagnosed with
irreversible cardiac disease. Her doctors all strongly advised her to have open heart surgery, which only one surgeon at
the Cleveland Clinic could perform.
Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation which was remarkably successful.
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw the handsome young doctor who headed her surgical team smiling down at her.
She wanted to thank him, but could not talk.
Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell
him something, but quickly died.
The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so
suddenly. When the doctor turned around to leave the room, he saw
Tyrone, now a janitor at the Clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment in
order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.
If you thought that Tyrone had become a heart-surgeon, there is an extremely
high likelihood that you will vote for Hillary.
Sorry, I needed some humor.
I GUESS TYRONE WAS NO BEN CARSON
==============================================
Parking ticket
My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "asshole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.
So Shirley (my wife) called him a "shithead." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We always look for cars with Hillary 2016 stickers.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It’s so important at our age!!
==============================================
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides
==============================================
No comments:
Post a Comment