The Arabs invented the condom in 700 BC, using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
==============================================
Q. What does a rattlesnakes and a rubber have in common?
A. I know I don't wanna screw with either one of them.
==============================================
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.
Lady 1: "What's that?"
Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."
Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"
Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."
The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers
Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."
==============================================
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
==============================================
Jake and Bart were on their way to look a big string of cattle when they got caught in a terrible blizzard. In white-out conditions, they pulled into a ranch headquarters and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house, so maybe it would be better if you stayed in the bunkhouse.” “Not a problem,” said Bart. “The bunkhouse will be fine… If the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.” Come morning, the weather was clear and the cattle buyers got on their way. About nine months later, Jake received an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow that let them stay in her bunkhouse. He found Bart at his favorite watering hole and asked, “Do you remember that good-looking widow that let us stay in her bunkhouse last winter?” “I sure do,” replied Bart. "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" Jake asked. With growing concern, Bart answered cautiously, “Yeah, I guess I did.” "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" asked Jake. Looking like a deer caught in the headlights, Bart mumbled, “I guess I did that, too. Is there a problem?” “No problem,” laughed Jake. “She just died… And left me everything.”
==============================================
I am getting on in years and may not be the best looking guy. Some would even say I'm a little frayed around the edges but I have a nice car, a little money, and I spend most of my time casually traveling from place to place and enjoying life. I met a nice looking girl in a park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us. All of a sudden, she did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet. As we lay there making love, I thought... “Wow, these Taser guns are really worth the money!"
==============================================
Adam and Eve are in the garden and Adam is talking to God. Adam says to God, "God, why did you make Eve so beautiful?" God says, "So you'll love her Adam. Adam says, "God, why did you make Eve so sexy?" God says, "So you will love her Adam." Adam says, "Then why the hell did you make her so damn stupid?" God says, "So she will love you Adam."
==============================================
No comments:
Post a Comment