JOKES OF THE DAY 060616

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Lovemaking Tips For Seniors 
1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle. 
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!) 
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin. 
5. Write partners name on your hand in case you can't remember. 
6. Use extra Poly Grip so your teeth don't end up under the bed. 
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act. 
8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf, too. 
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!! 
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

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At a Milwaukee post office, a woman complained to the clerk that a Pony Express rider could get a letter from Milwaukee to St. Louis in two days, and now it takes three. 'I'd like to know why,' she scoffed. The clerk thought a moment and then suggested, 'The horses are a lot older now?' 

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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, 'Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.' Bobby looked up and replied, 'Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.' 

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Juan Lit a Candle As Juan lit the votive candle at the grotto for San Jose de los Platanos and prayed for the healthy delivery of his first child, he heard a disembodied voice say, "Your daughter will be 17 inches long." Juan replied, "Do you know the weight too, San Jose?" 

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