MOURNING HUMOR

A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university, "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.  However, I want you to appreciate it. As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

 

And so it happened.  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial planner, each very successful financially.  When their father's time had come and they saw their father in the coffin, they remembered his wish.

 

First, it was the doctor who put 10 $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.

 

Then, came the financial planner, who also put $1,000 there.

 

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn.  He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.  (He later went on to become a member of Congress... )

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FRED

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,

so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies.

 

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

 

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

 

The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.

 

The officer then presses him for the last name.

 

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

 

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.

 

'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

 

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.

 

I was born Fred Johnson.

 

I studied hard and got good grades.

 

When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.

 

I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.'

 

'After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

 

Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.

 

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD,

 

so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.'

 

'Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.

 

Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD.

 

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

 

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

 

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.    

UNAMERICAN PRESIDENT

I am The One.

There is a troubling hint of something very un-American about the American president. I am not alluding to the birther controversy but rather to something in the president’s character, attitudes, personal aura, and worldview.

Drawing attention to the president’s name is both racially and lineally irrelevant. But given its Islamic tinnitus and its flourish of decided otherness, the name functions as a symbol, that is, an allegory of synoptic dislocation, a token of visceral difference. It signifies something bizarre, something nomadic, extraterritorial, and domestically ineffable, something unusual in the roster of commanders-in-chief. For columnist Ben Shapiro, Obama is a “lightweight,” a “joke,” and a “Hollywood president,” a man who prefers appearing on The View and with the Pimp with a Limp to dealing with affairs of state, and who tweets pics of himself standing beside a cardboard cutout captioned “You look familiar.” But the implications are far more serious. The fact is that Obama is not a president in the authentic sense of the term; he is a glittering name acting the role of president, and in this sense Shapiro is right, he is a “Hollywood president,” a man with marquee presence andStanislavski moves. Similarly, Rush Limbaugh calls the president Barack Kardashian, connoting the man’s celebrity allure and endemic shallowness. Some actors, however, few as they may be, do have a core personality, intellectual marrow, and moral substance. Obama does not, being in effect a mobile simulacrum of a cardboard cutout, which makes him as president of the United States not merely a joke and a lightweight but a disaster and a tragedy.

FULL ARTICLE

First National Post-Rubio Poll

Posted Friday, March 18th 2016 @ 3pm  by Hannity.com Staff

The first national polls since the departure of Florida Senator Marco Rubio are coming out and they're not spelling good news for Ted Cruz. According to a new poll by Rasmussen Reports, GOP frontrunner Donald Trump retains a double-digit lead over the Texas Senator.

According to the Rasmussen Reports:

Support for all three of the remaining Republican candidates has grown with the narrowing of the field, but Donald Trump still holds a double-digit lead over both his rivals for the GOP presidential nomination.

The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey of Likely Republican Primary Voters finds Trump with 43% support to Senator Ted Cruz’s 28% and Ohio Governor John Kasich’s 21%. Just five percent (5%) of GOP voters like some other candidate, and three percent (3%) remain undecided.

When compared with Rasmussen's previous poll in mid-February, Senator Cruz has gained 11-points, Governor Kasich has gained 9-points, and Donald Trump has gained 7-points.

DHS 'No Intention' of Deporting Illegals

The president of the National Border Patrol Council says the Obama administration has "no intention" of deporting many of the illegals caught along the border, ordering they instead be released to keep from clogging up the courts.

The union says President Brandon Judd was only repeating what another top homeland security official had said when testifying before Congress.

“These comments come from the Deputy Secretary of DHS Alejandro Mayorkis in talking about NTAs (Notice to Appear) saying 'why would we issue and NTA when we have no intention of deporting them,'” says Shawn Moran, NBPC vice president.

Some caught trying to cross the southern border sometimes have to wait years before getting a court hearing.

“Its what happens when you put your head in the sand and hope that the problem just goes away, but it doesn't make it go away,” he says.  “This is the fallout that we're left to deal with, the agency would rather make exclusions so they don't have to deal with people rather than tackle this issue head on.”

However, Customs and Border Protection Commissioner R. Gil Kerlikowske has brushed off their concerns, even suggesting border patrol union executives aren't on the front lines.

“We have a much better grasp as to what's happening at border patrol stations than the commissioner does who is insulated by multiple layers of bureaucracy and 'yes' men,' says Moran.

Read more: http://www.ktrh.com/articles/houston-news-121300/union-dhs-no-intention-of-deporting-14521974/?platform=hootsuite#ixzz43m0PXvaQ

Toronto Ex Mayor Rob Ford Passes Away

Toronto Ex Mayor Rob Ford Passes Away. He Was A FUNNY Man!

REMEMBER WHEN????

I'm surprised they just didnt smoke it and serve it up in rolls!