Adopt a Terrorist

The Canadians know how to handle complaints. Here is an example.

A Canadian female liberal wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian
government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents
(terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System
facilities. She demanded a response to her letter. She received back
the following reply:


National Defense Headquarters
M Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg., 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa , ON K1A 0K2
Canada

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of
treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian
Forces, who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan
Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in
Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions
were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa . You will be pleased to
learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are
creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense,
to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or
L.A.R.K. for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have
decided, on a trial basis, to divert several terrorists and place them
in homes of concerned citizens such as yourself, around the country,
under those citizens personal care. Your personal detainee has been
selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard
to your residence in Toronto next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is your detainee, and is to be cared for
pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of
complaint. You will be pleased to know that we will conduct weekly
inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are
commensurate with your recommendations.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will
help him overcome those character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in
describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand
that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling, however, we
strongly recommend that you hire some assistant caretakers.

Please advise any Jewish friends, neighbors or relatives about your
house guest, as he might get agitated or even violent, but we are sure
you can reason with him. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to
keep those items locked up, unless in your opinion, this might offend
him. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand
combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a
pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to
demonstrate these skills either in your home or wherever you choose to
take him while helping him adjust to life in our country.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters except
sexually, since he views females as a form of property, thereby having
no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands. This is a
particularly sensitive subject for him.

You also should know that he has shown violent tendencies around women
who fail to comply with the dress code that he will recommend as more
appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity
offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of
'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your
letter.

You take good care of Ahmed and remember that we will try to have a  counselor available to help you over any difficulties you encounter
while Ahmed is adjusting to Canadian culture.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like
you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man.



Good luck and God bless you.

Cordially,
Gordon O'Connor
Minister of National Defense