HILLS ADOPTS NEW LOOK TO APPEAL TO YOUNGER VOTERS

Fearing that her popularity among young voters has fallen to a critically low point, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has adopted a so-called “gothic” look to appeal to millennials whom her advisors describe as suffering from angst and alienation.

“We were hemorrhaging support to that [expletive] hippie Bernie Sanders, so we put drab ol’ Hillary in front of a mirror and asked ourselves some really tough questions, like if her style really speaks to today’s disaffected youth,” said David Gibbons, a longtime Clinton strategist who, as a high school student in the early 1990s, wore only black and went by the name Raven.

Clinton showcased her new look at an event in Iowa on Wednesday, speaking at a 4-H club while dressed in an Edwardian corset, a lacy black dress, knee-high studded boots and a variety of occult jewelry.

“Look around, my fellow Americans, and you’ll see that everything is in a state of decay,” Clinton said. “The only certainty in life is death, and it is death we must espouse if we are to live fully.”
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