Top Twenty Signs She's Getting Bored Having Sex With You

20. After you request sex she replies, "Wait 'til the Nyquil kicks in." 

19. Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass. 

18. Actually answers when you ask "Who's your daddy?" 

17. Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire. 

16. Only moans during commercial breaks. 

15. Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay. 

14. Keeps trying to set you up with her friends. 

13. Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York. 

12. You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show. 

11. Beginning to think she is only "playing" dead. 

10. During the act, she actually yelled out, "Oh, Baby, Yadda, Yadda,Yadda." 

9. Has suddenly started making you pay in advance. 

8. Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a .wav file. 

7. Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on, too. 

6. Keeps asking, "Are you SURE you're not gay?" 

5. Boredom? So that's why she keeps deflating!! 

4. Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along. 

3. Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook better. 

2. She yells out her own name. 

AND THE NUMBER ONE Top Twenty Signs She's Getting Bored Having Sex With You 

1. Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin.