Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
This Is How it works
Thursday, February 19, 2009
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children,are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old Boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens Suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their Unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but Could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have An abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed To realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little In her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, By his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and Do nothing.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
|A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS:|
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Speaker
of the House, Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms. Pelosi took the opportunity
to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was
most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental
deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should
answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died
during one of them. Which one?''
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't
happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much
HEAVEN HELP US !!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, February 6, 2009
MORAL:......... Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket...
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
Personally, we didn't care, we came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in
A: What, did your last slave die?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
Q: Which direction is North in
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Q: Do you have perfume in
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in
A: Yes, gay nightclubs ..
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.