Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Wally's Wedding Night

Wally's Wedding Night

At 78 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old.


Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.


After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door.


Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 78 year old groom, ready for action.


They unite as one.


All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.


After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally.


Again he is ready for more 'action.'


Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling.


When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.


She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it...... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.'


And, once again they enjoy each other.


But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'


Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says, 'You mean I was here already?'



The moral of the story:
Don't be afraid of getting old, senior moments have advantages.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

How Media Distortion works

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the Race again and it won again.

The local paper read:


PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:


BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:


NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted.


He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is ...

The media is free to write and say what they will so stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer.

Get a kick

video

Monday, May 4, 2009

Sinko de Mayo

Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.




This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.