Monday, August 31, 2009

Uncle Ted's distinguished career

I have no idea who wrote this but
I am sure it is accurate. At the end of this article I have included a
link from the Washington Times editorial page. Be sure and read the
comments the writer makes about Mary Jo Kopechne.



As soon as his cancer was detected, I noticed the immediate attempt at
the "canonization" of old Teddy Kennedy by the mainstream media. They
are saying what a "great American" he is. I say, let's get a couple
things clear & not twist the facts to change the real history.



1. He was caught cheating at Harvard when he attended it. He was
expelled twice, once for cheating on a test, and once for paying a

classmate to cheat for him.



2. While expelled, Kennedy enlisted in the Army, but mistakenly signed
up for four years instead of two. Oops! The man can't count to

four! His father, Joseph P. Kennedy, former U.S. Ambassador to England
a step up from bootlegging liquor into the US from Canada during
prohibition), pulled the necessary strings to have his enlistment
shortened to two years, and to ensure that he served in Europe, not
Korea , where a war was raging. No preferential treatment for him!
(like he charged that President Bush received).



3. Kennedy was assigned to Paris , never advanced beyond the rank of
Private, and returned to Harvard upon being discharged.. Imagine a
person of his "education" NEVER advancing past the rank of Private!



4. While attending law school at the University of Virginia , he was
cited for reckless driving four times, including once when he was

clocked driving 90 miles per hour in a residential neighborhood with
his headlights off after dark. Yet his Virginia driver's license was
never revoked. Coincidentally, he passed the bar exam in 1959. Amazing!



5.. In 1964, he was seriously injured in a plane crash, and
hospitalized for several months. Test results done by the hospital at

the time he was admitted had shown he was legally intoxicated. The
results of those tests remained a "state secret" until in the 1980's

when the report was unsealed. Didn't hear about that from the unbiased
media, did we?



6. On July 19, 1969, Kennedy attended a party on Chappaquiddick Island
in Massachusetts . At about 11:00 PM, he borrowed his

chauffeur's keys to his Oldsmobile limousine, and offered to give a
ride home to Mary Jo Kopechne, a campaign worker. Leaving the island
via an unlit bridge with no guard rail, Kennedy steered the car off the
bridge, flipped, and into Poucha Pond.



7. He swam to shore and walked back to the party, passing several
houses and a fire station. Two friends then returned with him to the

scene of the accident. According to their later testimony, they told
him what he already knew - that he was required by law to immediately
report the accident to the authorities. Instead Kennedy made his way to
his hotel, called his lawyer, and went to sleep. Kennedy called the
police the next morning and by then the wreck had already been
discovered. Before dying, Kopechne had scratched at the upholstered
floor above her head in the upside-down car. The Kennedy family began
"calling in favors", ensuring that any inquiry would be contained. Her
corpse was whisked out-of-state to her family, before an autopsy could
be conducted. Further details are uncertain, but after the accident
Kennedy says he repeatedly dove under the water trying to rescue
Kopechne and he didn't call police because he was in a state of shock.
It is widely assumed Kennedy was drunk, and he held off calling police
in hopes that his family could fix the problem overnight. Since the
accident, Kenn! edy's "political enemies" have referred to him as the
distinguished Senator from Chappaquiddick. He pled guilty to leaving
the scene of an accident, and was given a SUSPENDED SENTENCE OF

TWO MONTHS. Kopechne's family received a small payout from the
Kennedy's insurance policy, and never sued. There was later an effort
to have her body exhumed and autopsied, but her family successfully
fought against this in court, and Kennedy's family paid their
attorney's bills... a "token of friendship"?



8. Kennedy has held his Senate seat for more than forty years, but
considering his longevity, his accomplishments seem scant. He authored
or argued for legislation that ensured a variety of civil rights,
increased the minimum wage in 1981, made access to health care easier
for the indigent, and funded Meals on Wheels for fixed-income seniors
and is widely held as the "standard-bearer for liberalism". In his very
first Senate roll, he was the floor manager for the bill that turned
U.S. immigration policy upside down and opened the floodgate for
immigrants from third world countries.





Washington Times editorial

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/aug/28/can-celebrity-grief-save-obamaca
re/

Friday, August 28, 2009

Dear Abby

Thousands of people wrote to Abigail Van Buren for advice.
These are the ones even she didn’t have an answer for.

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a
middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in
her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together
and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do
you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and
Violence on My VCR?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure
the baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on
the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my
boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well
enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and
when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and
said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who
was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I
get out?

Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an
hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he
drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going
through mental pause.

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in
sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest
in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

GUN CONFISCATION IS BEGINNING

I haven't verified this but:


GUN CONFISCATION IS BEGINNING-- SENATE BILL SB-2099


Confirmed on snopes.com - http://www.snopes.com/politics/guns/blairholt.asp
 
HR45 Gun Owners Watch Out

 

Concerning the Blair-Holt proposed legislation: Senate Bill SB-2099 will require us to put on our 2009 1040 federal tax form all guns that you have or own. It may require fingerprints and a tax of $50 per gun.

In November, our president promised he was not going after our  Second Amendment rights. This bill was introduced on Feb. 24. This bill will become public knowledge 30 days after it is voted into law. This is an amendment to the Internal Revenue Act of 1986. This means that the Finance Committee can pass this without the Senate voting on it at all. The full text of the proposed amendment is on the U.S. Senate homepage, http://www.senate.gov/ http://www.senate.gov//>  <http://www..senate..gov/ http://www.senate.gov/> >  You can find the bill by doing a search by the bill number, SB-2099.

 

You know who to call; I strongly suggest you do. Please send a copy of this e-mail to every gun owner you know.

 

 

Congress is now starting on the firearms confiscation bill. If it  passes, gun owners will become criminals if you don't fully comply.  It has started. Very Important for you to be aware of a new bill HR 45 introduced into the House. This is the Blair Holt Firearm  Licensing & Record of Sale  Act of 2009. Even gun shop owners didn't know about this because the government  is trying to fly it under the radar.  To find out about this - go to any government website and type in HR 45or Google HR 45 Blair Holt Firearm Licensing & Record of Sales Act of  2009. You will get all the information.

 

Basically this would make it  illegal to own a firearm - any rifle with a clip or ANY pistol unless:  It is registered -You are fingerprinted -You supply a current Driver's  License -You supply your Social Security # -You will submit to a  physical & mental evaluation at any time  of their choosing -Each update change of ownership through private or public sale must be  reported and costs $25 - Failure to do so you  automatically lose the right to own a firearm and are subject up to a year in  jail. - There is a child provision clause on page 16 section 305  stating a child-access provision. Gun must be locked and inaccessible to any child under 18. -They would have the right to come and inspect that you are storing  your gun safely away from accessibility to children  and fine is  punishable for up to 5 yrs. in prison.

 

If you think this is a joke - go to the website and take your pick of  many options to read this. It is long and lengthy.  But, more and more  people are becoming aware of this. Pass the word along. Any hunters in  your family pass this along.

This is just a "termite" approach to complete confiscation of guns and disarming of our society to the point we have no defense - chip away a little here and there until the goal is accomplished before anyone  realizes it.

This is one to act on whether you own a gun or not. If you take my gun, only the criminal will have one to use against me. HR 45 only makes me/us less safe.

 

 

Please.. copy and send this out to EVERYONE in the USA , whether you support the Right to Bear Arms or not.  YOUR rights are next. Government is taking away our  right to choose, as well as the right to defend ourselves against a hostile government.

CALL YOUR SENATOR

Steven Seagal a lawman? Whooda Thunk?

Friday, August 21, 2009

TodayAugust 21: Ramadan begins at sunset We might as well join in.

video

A Dog Story but not the Shaggy kind

They told me the big black Lab's name was Reggie as I
looked at him lying in his pen. the shelter was clean, no-kill, and the
people really friendly. I'd only been in the area for six months, but
everywhere I went in the small college town, people were welcoming and
open. Everyone waves when you pass them on the street.

But something was still missing as I attempted to settle in to my new
life here, and I thought a dog couldn't hurt. Give me someone to talk
to. And I had just seen Reggie's advertisement on the local news. The
shelter said they had received numerous calls right after, but they
said the people who had come down to see him just didn't look like "Lab
people," whatever that meant. They must've thought I did.

But at first, I thought the shelter had misjudged me in giving me
Reggie and his things, which consisted of a dog pad, bag of toys almost
all of which were brand new tennis balls, his dishes, and a sealed
letter from his previous owner. See, Reggie and I didn't really hit it
off when we got home. We struggled for two weeks (which is how long the
shelter told me to give him to adjust to his new home). Maybe it was
the fact that I was trying to adjust, too. Maybe we were too much
alike.

For some reason, his stuff (except for the tennis balls - he wouldn't
go anywhere without two stuffed in his mouth) got tossed in with all of
my other unpacked boxes. I guess I didn't really think he'd need all
his old stuff, that I'd get him new things once he settled in. but it
became pretty clear pretty soon that he wasn't going to.

I tried the normal commands the shelter told me he knew, ones like
"sit" and "stay" and "come" and "heel," and he'd follow them - when he
felt like it. He never really seemed to listen when I called his name -
sure, he'd look in my direction after the fourth of fifth time I said
it, but then he'd just go back to doing whatever. When I'd ask again,
you could almost see him sigh and then grudgingly obey.

This just wasn't going to work. He chewed a couple shoes and some
unpacked boxes. I was a little too stern with him and he resented it, I
could tell. The friction got so bad that I couldn't wait for the two
weeks to be up, and when it was, I was in full-on search mode for my
cellphone amid all of my unpacked stuff. I remembered leaving it on the
stack of boxes for the guest room, but I also mumbled, rather
cynically, that the "dog probably hid it on me."

Finally I found it, but before I could punch up the shelter's number, I
also found his pad and other toys from the shelter.. I tossed the pad
in Reggie's direction and he snuffed it and wagged, some of the most
enthusiasm I'd seen since bringing him home. But then I called, "Hey,
Reggie, you like that? Come here and I'll give you a treat." Instead,
he sort of glanced in my direction - maybe "glared" is more accurate -
and then gave a discontented sigh and flopped down. With his back to
me.

Well, that's not going to do it either, I thought. And I punched the
shelter phone number.

But I hung up when I saw the sealed envelope. I had completely
forgotten about that, too. "Okay, Reggie," I said out loud, "let's see
if your previous owner has any advice.".........





To Whoever Gets My Dog: Well, I can't say that I'm happy you're reading
this, a letter I told the shelter could only be opened by Reggie's new
owner. I'm not even happy writing it. If you're reading this, it means
I just got back from my last car ride with my Lab after dropping him
off at the shelter. He knew something was different. I have packed up
his pad and toys before and set them by the back door before a trip,
but this time... it's like he knew something was wrong. And something
is wrong... which is why I have to go to try to make it right.

So let me tell you about my Lab in the hopes that it will help you bond
with him and he with you.

First, he loves tennis balls. the more the merrier. Sometimes I think
he's part squirrel, the way he hordes them. He usually always has two
in his mouth, and he tries to get a third in there. Hasn't done it yet.
Doesn't matter where you throw them, he'll bound after it, so be
careful - really don't do it by any roads. I made that mistake once,
and it almost cost him dearly.

Next, commands. Maybe the shelter staff already told you, but I'll go
over them again: Reggie knows the obvious ones - "sit," "stay," "come,"
"heel." He knows hand signals: "back" to turn around and go back when
you put your hand straight up; and "over" if you put your hand out
right or left. "Shake" for shaking water off, and "paw" for a
high-five. He does "down" when he feels like lying down - I bet you
could work on that with him some more. He knows "ball" and "food" and
"bone" and "treat" like nobody's business.

I trained Reggie with small food treats. Nothing opens his ears like
little pieces of hot dog.

Feeding schedule: twice a day, once about seven in the morning, and
again at six in the evening. Regular store-bought stuff; the shelter
has the brand.

He's up on his shots. Call the clinic on 9th Street and update his info
with yours; they'll make sure to send you reminders for when he's due.
Be forewarned: Reggie hates the vet. Good luck getting him in the car -
I don't know how he knows when it's time to go to the vet, but he
knows.

Finally, give him some time. I've never been married, so it's only been
Reggie and me for his whole life. He's gone everywhere with me, so
please include him on your daily car rides if you can. He sits well in
the backseat, and he doesn't bark or complain. He just loves to be
around people, and me most especially.

Which means that this transition is going to be hard, with him going to
live with someone new.

And that's why I need to share one more bit of info with you....

His name's not Reggie.

I don't know what made me do it, but when I dropped him off at the
shelter, I told them his name was Reggie. He's a smart dog, he'll get
used to it and will respond to it, of that I have no doubt. but I just
couldn't bear to give them his real name. For me to do that, it seemed
so final, that handing him over to the shelter was as good as me
admitting that I'd never see him again. And if I end up coming back,
getting him, and tearing up this letter, it means everything's fine.
But if someone else is reading it, well... well it means that his new
owner should know his real name. It'll help you bond with him. Who
knows, maybe you'll even notice a change in his demeanor if he's been
giving you problems.

His real name is Tank.

Because that is what I drive.

Again, if you're reading this and you're from the area, maybe my name
has been on the news. I told the shelter that they couldn't make
"Reggie" available for adoption until they received word from my
company commander. See, my parents are gone, I have no siblings, no one
I could've left Tank with... and it was my only real request of the
Army upon my deployment to Iraq , that they make one phone call the the
shelter... in the "event"... to tell them that Tank could be put up for
adoption. Luckily, my colonel is a dog guy, too, and he knew where my
platoon was headed. He said he'd do it personally. And if you're
reading this, then he made good on his word.

Well, this letter is getting to downright depressing, even though,
frankly, I'm just writing it for my dog. I couldn't imagine if I was
writing it for a wife and kids and family. but still, Tank has been my
family for the last six years, almost as long as the Army has been my
family.

And now I hope and pray that you make him part of your family and that
he will adjust and come to love you the same way he loved me.

That unconditional love from a dog is what I took with me to Iraq as an
inspiration to do something selfless, to protect innocent people from
those who would do terrible things... and to keep those terrible people
from coming over here. If I had to give up Tank in order to do it, I am
glad to have done so. He was my example of service and of love. I hope
I honored him by my service to my country and comrades.

All right, that's enough. I deploy this evening and have to drop this
letter off at the shelter. I don't think I'll say another good-bye to
Tank, though. I cried too much the first time. Maybe I'll peek in on
him and see if he finally got that third tennis ball in his mouth.

Good luck with Tank. Give him a good home, and give him an extra kiss
goodnight - every night - from me.

Thank you, Paul Mallory

_____________________________________







I folded the letter and slipped it back in the envelope. Sure I had
heard of Paul Mallory, everyone in town knew him, even new people like
me. Local kid, killed in Iraq a few months ago and posthumously earning
the Silver Star when he gave his life to save three buddies. Flags had
been at half-mast all summer.

I leaned forward in my chair and rested my elbows on my knees, staring
at the dog.

"Hey, Tank," I said quietly.

The dog's head whipped up, his ears cocked and his eyes bright.

"C'mere boy."

He was instantly on his feet, his nails clicking on the hardwood floor.
He sat in front of me, his head tilted, searching for the name he
hadn't heard in months.

"Tank," I whispered.

His tail swished.

I kept whispering his name, over and over, and each time, his ears
lowered, his eyes softened, and his posture relaxed as a wave of
contentment just seemed to flood him. I stroked his ears, rubbed his
shoulders, buried my face into his scruff and hugged him.

"It's me now, Tank, just you and me. Your old pal gave you to me." Tank
reached up and licked my cheek. "So whatdaya say we play some ball? His
ears perked again. "Yeah? Ball? You like that? Ball?" Tank tore from my
hands and disappeared in the next room.

And when he came back, he had three tennis balls in his mouth.

The Class Reunion

Every ten years, as wintertime nears,
An announcement arrives in the mail,
A Reunion is planned; it'll be really grand;
Make plans to attend without fail.

I'll never forget, was '84, and the first time we met;
We tried so hard to impress.
We drove fancy cars, smoked big cigars,
And wore our most elegant dress...

It was quite an affair; all the CALPHAs were there.
It was held at a fancy hotel.
We wined, and we dined, and we acted refined,
And everyone thought it was swell.

The men all conversed about who had been first
To achieve great fortune and fame.
Meanwhile, their spouses described their fine houses
And how beautiful their children became.

The South Hall Queen, who once had been lean,
Now weighed in at one-ninety-six.
The jocks who were there had all lost their hair,
And the cheerleaders could no longer do kicks.

No one had heard, about the class nerd
Who'd guided a spacecraft to the moon;
Or poor little Jane, who's always been plain;
Why, she married a shipping tycoon!


The boy we'd decreed 'most apt to succeed'
Was serving ten years in the pen,
While the one voted 'least', now was a priest;
Just shows you can be wrong now and then.

They awarded a prize to one of the guys
Who seemed to have aged the least.
Another was given to the grad who had driven
The farthest to attend the feast.


They took a group picture, a curious mixture
Of beehives, crew cuts and wide ties.
Tall, short, or skinny, the style was the mini;
You never saw so many thighs.

At our next get-together, no one cared whether
They impressed their classmates or not.
The mood was informal, a whole lot more normal;
By this time we'd all gone to pot.



It was held out-of-doors, near Putah Creek shores;
We ate hamburgers, coleslaw, and beans.
Then most of us lay around in the shade,
In our comfortable T-shirts and jeans.

By the sixtieth year, it was abundantly clear,
We were definitely over the hill.
Those who weren't dead had to crawl out of bed,
And be home in time for their pill.

And now I can't wait; they are setting the date;
For our next one is coming, I'm told.
It should be a ball, they've rented a hall
At the Shady Rest Home for the old.

Repairs have been made on my hearing aids;
My pacemaker's been turned up on high.
My wheelchair is oiled, and my teeth have been boiled;
And I've bought a new wig and glass eye.


I'm feeling quite hearty, and I'm ready to party
I'm gonna dance 'til dawn's early light.
It'll be lots of fun; But I just hope that there's one
Other person who can make it that night.

anon

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Montanna Bear tragedy

The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to
affect US wildlife . . ... .




Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs
of belonging to the Democrat Party... as they have apparently
learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and
provide for their care and sustenance.

Sarah Palin's last act as Governor

Gov. Sarah Palin had one more, big event planned before she left office.

It is very important that she repair friendships with the other party.

Gov Palin is doing her part to do just that. The rest of the world cannot
understand how, after bitter election campaigns, American politicians can
kiss and make-up.

For instance, Gov. Palin has invited, to her great state of Alaska, the men
who defeated her, Barack Obama and Joe Biden, along with their wives.

She has set up a moose hunting trip for their enjoyment and hired three
prominent experts in their fields to assist them. Dick Cheney will carry
the guns, Ted Kennedy will drive them back to their cabins each evening,
and Bill Clinton will entertain their wives while the men are hunting.

Sarah is such a good sport! She thinks of everything!


What will Alaska do without her?

Monday, August 10, 2009

Truths learned from watching the show COPS

* The term "trailer trash" didn't just appear out of thin air.

* Perp's pants never fit

* There are plenty of minorities in prime time television.

* Bad teeth apparently cause criminal behavior

* So, apparently, do neck tattoos.

* A cop in full uniform with street shoes, a Kevlar vest and 20 pounds of stuff on his belt will always outrun a shirtless perp in running shoes.

* Nobody ever has a clue as to how those drugs got into their pocket

* If you see a man driving with no shirt on, pull him over. He's a perp

* That goes double for shirtless with a mullet

* Perps never clean their homes or wash dishes

* Street hookers are just flat-out ugly

courtesy Neal Boortz

Friday, August 7, 2009

MUSE-THE UPRISING



Lyrics:

The paranoia is in bloom, the PR
The transmissions will resume
They'll try to push drugs
Keep us all dumbed down and hope that
We will never see the truth around

Another promise, another scene, another
A package not to keep us trapped in greed
With all the green belts wrapped around our minds
And endless red tape to keep the truth confined

They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious

Interchanging mind control
Come let the revolution take it's toll if you could
Flick the switch and open your third eye, you'd see that
We should never be afraid to die

Rise up and take the power back, it's time that
The fat cats had a heart attack, you know that
Their time is coming to an end
We have to unify and watch our flag ascend

They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious

They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious

Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Zen of Sarcasm

The Zen of Sarcasm



1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I
may not follow. Do not walk beside me either.. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.


4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That
way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he
will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably
a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back
in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it
holds the universe together.

18.. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

AND

22 . Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

TEN THINGS THE MEDIA WON'T TELL YOU ABOUT AMERICAN HEALTHCARE

TEN THINGS THE MEDIA WON'T TELL YOU ABOUT AMERICAN HEALTHCARE

http://www.hoover.org/publications/digest/49525427.html


1. Americans have better survival rates than Europeans for common cancers.

2. Americans have lower cancer mortality rates than Canadians.

3. Americans have better access to treatment for chronic diseases than patients in other developed countries.

4. Americans have better access to preventive cancer screening than Canadians.

5. Lower-income Americans are in better health than comparable Canadians.

6. Americans spend less time waiting for care than patients in Canada and the United Kingdom.

7. People in countries with more government control of health care are highly dissatisfied and believe reform is needed.

8. Americans are more satisfied with the care they receive than Canadians.

9. Americans have better access to important new technologies such as medical imaging than do patients in Canada or Britain.

10. Americans are responsible for the vast majority of all health care innovations.

FIRST DRAFT OF THE NEW HEALTH CARE PLAN

FIRST DRAFT OF THE NEW HEALTH CARE PLAN:







(10) Your annual breast exam is done by the customers at Hooters.



(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you
enter the trailer park."



( 8)The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.



(7) The proctologist in the plan is "Gus" who also works at
Roto-Rooter..



(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is "An Apple a
Day...."



(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to
Goodwill last month.



(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges,"
that is not a typographical error.



(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."



(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.



AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE ON THE NATIONAL HEALTH CARE PLAN:



(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and Duct tape