Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST AND LEARN AS IF YOU WOULD LIVE FOREVER
"Never squat while wearing your spurs"
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the
greatest political sages this country has ever known.
Enjoy the following:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it
and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence
and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying
about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it's such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft.
Today it's called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble,
you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.'
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary. When possible, protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot..
Navy SEAL Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing in sight.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.
US Army Rangers' Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.
US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask 'What is a gunfight?'
5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point
6. Wine and dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD and defense
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict, but
close enough to have tax exemption.
US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Phone-hacking scandal: Timeline
The extent of phone hacking at the News of the World has stunned the nation and led to the closure of the paper after 168 years. Allegations of phone hacking first emerged in 2005, but police now say there could be up to 4,000 victims including celebrities, sport stars, politicians and victims of crime. This timeline looks at the chain of events that led to the scandal. CLICK HERE FOR TIMELINE
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
LOVEBIRDS Steven and Kathryn share a well-organised home in bustling Las Vegas.
They have a neat, if compact kitchen, a furnished living area, and a bedroom complete with double bed, wardrobe and bookshelf featuring a wide selection including a Frank Sinatra biography and Spanish phrase book.
And they make their money in some of the biggest casinos in the world.
But their life is far from the ordinary.
Because, along with hundreds of others, the couple are part of a secret community
Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/2651937/The-people-living-in-drains-below-Las-Vegas.html#ixzz1Sa2TikCn
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Yesterday my daughter asked
why I didn't do something useful
with my time.
She suggested I go down to the
senior center and hang out
with the guys.
I did this and when I got home
last night I told her that I
had joined a parachute club.
She said "Are you nuts?
You're almost 75 years old and
you're going to start
jumping out of airplanes?"
I proudly showed her that I even
got a membership card.
She said to me, "You idiot, where
are your glasses! This is
a membership to a Prostitute
Club, not a Parachute Club!"
I'm in trouble again and don't know
what to do! I signed
up for five jumps a week!
Life as a senior citizen is not
getting any easier.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
On Saturday, July
24th, 2010 the town of Prescott Valley, AZ,
hosted a Freedom Rally. Quang Nguyen was
asked to speak on his experience of coming
to America and what it means. He spoke
the following in dedication to all Vietnam
Veterans. Thought you might enjoy hearing
what he had to say:
Thirty-five years ago,
if you were to tell me that I am going to
stand up here speaking to a couple
thousand patriots, in English, I'd laugh at
you. Man, every morning I wake up thanking
God for putting me and my family in the
greatest country on earth.
I just want you all to
know that the American dream does exist and
I am living the American dream. I was
asked to speak to you about my experience as
a first generation Vietnamese- American,
but I'd rather speak to you as an
If you hadn't
noticed, I am not white and I feel pretty
comfortable with my people.
I am a proud US
citizen and here is my proof. It took me 8
years to get it, waiting in endless lines,
but I got it and I am very proud of it.
I still remember the
images of the Tet offensive in 1968, I was
six years old. Now you might want to
question how a 6-year-old boy could
remember anything. Trust me; those images
can never be erased. I can't even imagine
what it was like for young American
soldiers, 10,000 miles away from home,
fighting on my behalf.
35 years ago, I left
South Vietnam for political asylum. The war
had ended. A t the age of 13, I left with
the understanding that I may or may not
ever get to see my siblings or parents
again. I was one of the first lucky
100,000 Vietnamese allowed to come to the
US. Somehow, my family and I were reunited
5 months later, amazingly, in California. It
was a miracle from God.
If you haven't heard
lately that this is the greatest country on
earth, I am telling you that right now. It
was the freedom and the opportunities
presented to me that put me here with all
of you tonight. I also remember the
barriers that I had to overcome every step
of the way. My high school counselor told
me that I cannot make it to college due to
my poor communication skills. I proved him
wrong. I finished college. You see, all you
have to do is to give this little boy an
opportunity and encourage him to take and
run with it. Well, I took the opportunity
and here I am.
This person standing
tonight in front of you could not exist
under a socialist/communist environment. By
the way, if you think socialism is the way
to go, I am sure many people here will chip
in to get you a one-way ticket out of here.
And if you didn't know, the only difference
between socialism and communism is an
AK-47 aimed at your head. That was my
In 1982, I stood with
a thousand new immigrants, reciting the
Pledge of Allegiance and listening to the
National Anthem for the first time as an
American. To this day, I can't remember
anything sweeter and more patriotic than
that moment in my life.
somehow I finished high school, finished
college, and like any other goofball 21
year old kid, I was having a great time with
my life. I had a nice job and a nice
apartment in Southern California. In some
way and somehow, I had forgotten how I got
here and why I was here.
One day I was at a gas
station, I saw a veteran pumping gas on the
other side of the island. I don't know
what made me do it, but I walked over and
asked if he had served in Vietnam. He
smiled and said yes. I shook and held his
hand. The grown man began to well up. I
walked away as fast as I could and at that
very moment, I was emotionally rocked. This
was a profound moment in my life. I knew
something had to change in my life. It was
time for me to learn how to be a good
citizen. It was time for me to give back.
You see, America is
not a place on the map, it isn't a
physical location. It is an ideal, a
concept. And if you are an American, you
must understand the concept, you must buy
into this concept, and most importantly,
you have to fight and defend this concept.
This is about Freedom and not free
stuff.And that is why I am standing up
Brothers and sisters,
to be a real American, the very least you
must do is to learn English and understand
it well. In my humble opinion, you cannot be
a faithful patriotic citizen if you can't
speak the language of the country you live
in. Take this document of 46 pages - last I
looked on the Internet, there wasn't a
Vietnamese translation of the US
Constitution. It took me a long time to
get to the point of being able to converse
and until this day, I still struggle to
come up with the right words. It's not
easy, but if it's too easy, it's not worth
Before I knew this
46-page document, I learned of the 500,000
Americans who fought for this little boy.
I learned of the 58,000 names scribed on
the black wall at the Vietnam Memorial.
You are my heroes. You are my founders.
At this time, I would
like to ask all the Vietnam veterans to
please stand. I thank you for my life. I
thank you for your sacrifices, and I thank
you for giving me the freedom and liberty I
have today. I now ask all veterans,
firefighters, and police officers, to
please stand. On behalf of all first
generation immigrants, I thank you for
your services and may God bless you all.
Notice that he
referred to himself as an American, NOT
Vietnamese-American. How good it would be
here in America if all of the immigrants
-- no, EVERYONE -- felt like Quang Nguyen.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Southern women Know their summer weather report:
Southern women know their vacation spots:
Southern women know everybody's first name:
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their religions:
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and aconniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc..., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of"yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table..
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near"and " a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... And when we're "in line,"... We talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are
in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened "Sweet milk" means you don't
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.. You just say ,"Bless her heart" ... And go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, .... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness
as a second language!
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !
Now... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it.
We know you got here as fast as you could
Classes for Women at
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by November 4, 2011
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours? -Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet? Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program- Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed. -Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. -Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.