Monday, April 26, 2010

Fiesta Ball 2010- UAB Cancer Center

Fiesta Ball 2010. Thursday 5-6-10 6:00-10:00. Band. Casual dress. At Innovation Depot (Old Sears Building).
1500 1st Avenue North. Birmingham 35203. Free onsite parking. 24-hour security. $25 advance. $30 at door.
Includes Mexican Food and drinks. For advance tickets www.uab.edu/fiestaball Facebook: Fiesta Ball 2010


Sunday, April 25, 2010

When your friends can't explain why they voted Democratic

When your friends can't explain why they voted for Democratic national politicians, give them this list. Maybe they can then pick their reason .

10. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

9. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

8. I voted Democrat because Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

7. I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

6. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

5. I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies through abortion so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

4. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

3. I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the democrats see fit.

2. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

1. I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass that it is unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

I'll keep my Freedom, my God and my Guns... You keep the Change...

'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

Thursday, April 22, 2010

TOP TEN YOUR COMPANY HAS CHANGED TO THE GOVERNMENT'S NEW HEALTHCARE

TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR COMPANY HAS CHANGED TO THE GOVERNMENT'S NEW HEALTH CARE PLAN:

(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is "an apple a day...."

(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not a typographical error..

(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."

(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED THE GOVERNMENT'S NEW HEALTH CARE PLAN:

(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and Duct Tape.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Prom Night Fo Real!


Something tells me a lot of drapes and car seat covers went missing about that time.

















Saturday, April 10, 2010

Some Godly Humor



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Send this to someone who needs a laugh today and remember: Knowing scripture can save your life - in more ways than one!



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The best vitamin for a Christian----------- B1

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Shirley & Marcy

A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.

So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.

She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew. She did this for the whole week.

As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week?

Do you know her?'
Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.'
The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?'
'That's just Shirley Goodnest,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy.'

'Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?
'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much.

And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace.

May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always.

Friday, April 2, 2010

The Gospel of St Thomas

I hope I'm forgiven for putting this here but maybe in all the nonsense the truth is found.

I hope I am forgiven putting this here among all the nonsense but maybe that is where the truth is to be found

The Gospel of Thomas


Translated by Stephen J. Patterson and James M. Robinson

(Visit the Gospel of Thomas Collection for additional information)

These are the hidden words that the living Jesus spoke.
And Didymos Judas Thomas wrote them down.

(01) And he said: "Whoever finds the meaning of these words will not taste death."

(02) Jesus says:
(1) "The one who seeks should not cease seeking until he finds.
(2) And when he finds, he will be dismayed.
(3) And when he is dismayed, he will be astonished.
(4) And he will be king over the All."

(03) Jesus says:
(1) "If those who lead you say to you: ‘Look, the kingdom is in the sky!’
then the birds of the sky will precede you.
(2) If they say to you: ‘It is in the sea,’ then the fishes will precede you.
(3) Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and outside of you."
(4) "When you come to know yourselves, then you will be known,
and you will realize that you are the children of the living Father.
(5) But if you do not come to know yourselves, then you exist in poverty, and you are poverty."

(04) Jesus says:
(1) "The person old in his days will not hesitate to ask a child seven days old about the place of life, and he will live.
(2) For many who are first will become last, (3) and they will become a single one."

(05) Jesus says:
(1) "Come to know what is in front of you,
and that which is hidden from you will become clear to you.
(2) For there is nothing hidden that will not become manifest."

(06)
(1) His disciples questioned him, (and) they said to him:
" Do you want us to fast?
And how should we pray and give alms?
And what diet should we observe?"
---------------------------------------
(2) Jesus says: "Do not lie. (3) And do not do what you hate.
(4) For everything is disclosed in view of .
(5) For there is nothing hidden that will not become revealed.
(6) And there is nothing covered that will remain undisclosed."

(07) Jesus says:
(1) "Blessed is the lion that a person will eat and the lion will become human.
(2) And anathema is the person whom a lion will eat and the lion will become human."

(08)
(1) And he says: "The human being is like a sensible fisherman who cast his net
into the sea and drew it up from the sea filled with little fish.
(2) Among them the sensible fisherman found a large, fine fish.
(3) He threw all the little fish back into the sea, (and) he chose the large fish effortlessly.
(4) Whoever has ears to hear should hear."

(09) Jesus says:
(1) "Look, a sower went out. He filled his hands (with seeds), (and) he scattered (them).
(2) Some fell on the path, and the birds came and pecked them up.
(3) Others fell on the rock, and did not take root in the soil, and they did not put forth ears.
(4) And others fell among the thorns, they choked the seeds, and worms ate them.
(5) And others fell on good soil, and it produced good fruit.
It yielded sixty per measure and one hundred twenty per measure."

(10) Jesus says: "I have cast fire upon the world, and see, I am guarding it until it blazes."

(11) Jesus says:
(1) "This heaven will pass away, and the (heaven) above it will pass away.
(2) And the dead are not alive, and the living will not died.
(3) In the days when you consumed what was dead, you made it alive.
When you are in the light, what will you do?
(4) On the day when you were one, you became two.
But when you become two, what will you do?

(12)
(1) The disciples said to Jesus: "We know that you will depart from us.
Who (then) will rule [lit., ‘be great’] over us?"
(2) Jesus said to them: "No matter where you came from, you should go to
James the Just, for whose sake heaven and earth came into being."

(13)
(1) Jesus said to his disciples: "Compare me, and tell me whom I am like."
(2) Simon Peter said to him: "You are like a just messenger."
(3) Matthew said to him: "You are like an (especially) wise philosopher."
(4) Thomas said to him:
"Teacher, my mouth will not bear at all to say whom you are like."
(5) Jesus said: "I am not your teacher. For you have drunk, you have
become intoxicated at the bubbling spring that I have measured out."
(6) And he took him, (and) withdrew, (and) he said three words to him.
(7) But when Thomas came back to his companions, they asked him:
"What did Jesus say to you?"
(8) Thomas said to them: "If I tell you one of the words he said to me,
you will pick up stones and throw them at me,
and fire will come out of the stones (and) burn you up."

(14) Jesus said to them:
(1)‘If you fast, you will bring forth sin for yourselves.
(2) And if you pray, you will be condemned.
(3) And if you give alms, you will do harm to your spirits.
(4) And if you go into any land and wander from place to place, (and) if they take you in,
(then) eat what they will set before you. Heal the sick among them!
(5) For what goes into your mouth will not defile you.
Rather, what comes out of your mouth will defile you."

(15) Jesus says: "When you see one who was not born of woman,
fall on your face (and) worship him. That one is your Father."

(16) Jesus says:
(1) "Perhaps people think that I have come to cast peace upon the earth.
(2) But they do not know that I have come to cast dissension upon the earth: fire, sword, war.
(3) For there will be five in one house: there will be three against two and two against three,
father against son and son against father.
(4) And they will stand as solitary ones."

(17) Jesus says: "I will give you what no eye has seen, and what no ear has heard,
and what no hand has touched, and what has not occurred to the human mind."

(18)
(1) The disciples said to Jesus: "Tell us how our end will be."
(2) Jesus said: "Have you already discovered the beginning that you are now asking about the end?
For where the beginning is, there the end will be too.
(3) Blessed is he who will stand at the beginning.
And he will know the end, and he will not taste death."

(19) Jesus says: (1)"Blessed is he who was, before he came into being.
(2) If you become disciples of mine (and) listen to my words, these stones will serve you.
(3) For you have five trees in Paradise that do not change during summer (and) winter,
and their leaves do not fall. (4) Whoever comes to know them will not taste death."

(20)
(1) The disciples said to Jesus: "Tell us whom the kingdom of heaven is like!"
(2) He said to them: "It is like a mustard seed. (3) is the smallest of all seeds.
(4) But when it falls on cultivated soil, it produces a large branch
(and) becomes shelter for the birds of the sky."

(21)
(1) Mary said to Jesus: "Whom are your disciples like?"
(2) He said: "They are like servants who are entrusted with a field that is not theirs.
(3) When the owners of the field arrive, they will say: ‘Let us have our field.’
(4) (But) they are naked in their presence so as to let them have it
(and thus) to give them their field."
(5) "That is why I say: ‘When the master of the house learns that the thief
is about to come, he will be on guard before he comes (and) will not let him
break into his house, his domain, to carry away his possessions.’
(6) (But) you, be on guard against the world!
(7) Gird your loins with great strength, so that the robbers will not find a way to get to you."
(8) "For the necessities for which you wait (with longing) will be found.
(9) There ought to be a wise person among you!
(10) When the fruit was ripe, he came quickly with his sickle in his hand, (and) he harvested it.
(11) Whoever has ears to hear should hear."

(22)
(1) Jesus saw infants being suckled.
(2) He said to his disciples:
"These little ones being suckled are like those who enter the kingdom."
(3) They said to him: "Then will we enter the kingdom as little ones?"
(4) Jesus said to them: "When you make the two into one,
and when you make the inside like the outside and the outside like the inside
and the above like the below –
(5) that is, to make the male and the female into a single one,
so that the male will not be male and the female will not be female –
(6) and when you make eyes instead of an eye
and a hand instead of a hand and a foot instead of a foot,
an image instead of an image, (7) then you will enter [the kingdom]."

(23) Jesus says:
(1) "I will choose you, one from a thousand and two from ten thousand.
(2) And they will stand as a single one."

(24)
(1) His disciples said: "Show us the place where you are,
because it is necessary for us to seek it.
(2) He said to them: "Whoever has ears should hear!
(3) Light exists inside a person of light, and he shines on the whole world.
If he does not shine, there is darkness."

(25) Jesus says:
(1) "Love your brother like your life!
(2) Protect him like the apple of your eye!"

(26) Jesus says:
(1) "You see the splinter that is in your brother’s eye,
but you do not see the beam that is in your (own) eye.
(2) When you remove the beam from your (own) eye,
then you will see clearly (enough) to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye."

(27)
(1) "If you do not abstain from the world, you will not find the kingdom.
(2) If you do not make the Sabbath into a Sabbath, you will not see the Father."

(28) Jesus says:
(1) "I stood in the middle of the world, and in flesh I appeared to them.
(2) I found all of them drunk. None of them did I find thirsty.
(3) And my soul ached for the children of humanity,
because they are blind in their heart, and they cannot see;
for they came into the world empty,
(and) they also seek to depart from the world empty.
(4) But now they are drunk.
(But) when they shake off their wine, then they will change their mind."

(29) Jesus says:
(1) "If the flesh came into being because of the spirit, it is a wonder.
(2) But if the spirit (came into being) because of the body, it is a wonder of wonders.
(3) Yet I marvel at how this great wealth has taken up residence in this poverty."

(30) Jesus says:
(1) "Where there are three gods, they are gods.
(2) Where there are two or one, I am with him."

(31) Jesus says:
(1) "No prophet is accepted in his (own) village.
(2) A physician does not heal those who know him."

(32) Jesus says: "A city built upon a high mountain (and) fortified cannot fall, nor can it be hidden."

(33) Jesus says:
(1)"What you will hear with your ear {with the other ear} proclaim from your rooftops.
(2) For no one lights a lamp (and) puts it under a bushel, nor does he put it in a hidden place.
(3) Rather, he puts it on a lampstand, so that everyone who comes in and goes out will see its light."

(34) Jesus says: "If a blind (person) leads a blind (person), both will fall into a pit."

(35) Jesus says:
(1) "It is not possible for someone to enter the house of a strong (person)
(and) take it by force unless he binds his hands.
(2) Then he will loot his house."

(36) Jesus says: "Do not worry from morning to evening and from evening to morning about what you will wear."

(37)
(1) His disciples said: "When will you appear to us, and when will we see you?"
(2) Jesus said: "When you undress without being ashamed and take your clothes
(and) put them under your feet like little children (and) trample on them,
(3) then [you] will see the son of the Living One, and you will not be afraid."

(38) Jesus says:
(1) "Many times have you desired to hear these words,
these that I am speaking to you, and you have no one else from whom to hear them.
(2) There will be days when you will seek me (and) you will not find me."

(39) Jesus says:
(1) "The Pharisees and the scribes have received the keys of knowledge, (but) they have hidden them.
(2) Neither have they entered, nor have they allowed to enter those who wish to.
(3) You, however, be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves!"

(40) Jesus says:
(1) "A grapevine was planted outside (the vineyard) of the Father.
(2) And since it is not supported, it will be pulled up by its roots (and) will perish."

(41) Jesus says:
(1) "Whoever has (something) in his hand, (something more) will be given to him.
(2) And whoever has nothing, even the little he has will be taken from him."

(42) Jesus says: "Become passers-by."

(43)
(1) His disciples said to him: "Who are you to say this to us?"
(2) "Do you not realized from what I say to you who I am?
(3) But you have become like the Jews!
They love the tree, (but) they hate its fruit.
Or they love the fruit, (but) they hate the tree."

(44) Jesus says:
(1) "Whoever blasphemes against the Father, it will be forgiven him.
(2) And whoever blasphemes against the Son, it will be forgiven him.
(3) But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him, neither on earth nor in heaven."

(45) Jesus says:
(1) "Grapes are not harvested from thorns, nor are figs picked from thistles, for they do not produce fruit. (2) A good person brings forth good from his treasure. (3) A bad person brings (forth) evil from the bad treasure that is in his heart, and (in fact) he speaks evil. (4) For out of the abundance of the heart he brings forth evil."

(46) Jesus says:
(1) "From Adam to John the Baptist, among those born of women there is no one who surpasses John the Baptist so that his (i.e., John’s) eyes need not be downcast. (2) But I have also said: ‘Whoever among you becomes little will know the kingdom, and will surpass John.’"

(47) Jesus says:
(1) "It is impossible for a person to mount two horses and to stretch two bows. (2) And it is impossible for a servant to serve two masters. Else he will honor the one and insult the other. (3) No person drinks old wine and immediately desires to drink new wine. (4) And new wine is not put into old wineskins, so that they do not burst; nor is old wine put into (a) new wineskin, so that it does not spoil it. (5) An old patch is not sewn onto a new garment, because a tear will result."

(48) Jesus says: "If two make peace with one another in one and the same house,
(then) they will say to the mountain: ‘Move away,’ and it will move away."

(49) Jesus says:
(1) "Blessed are the solitary ones, the elect. For you will find the kingdom.
(2) For you come from it (and) will return to it."

(50) Jesus says:
(1) If they say to you: ‘Where do you come from?’ (then) say to them: ‘We have come from the light, the place where the light has come into being by itself, has established [itself] and has appeared in their image.’
(2) If they say to you: ‘Is it you?’ (then) say: ‘We are his children, and we are the elect of the living Father.’
(3) If they ask you: ‘What is the sign of your Father among you?’ (then) say to them: ‘It is movement and repose.’"

(51)
(1) His disciples said to him: When will the of the dead take place, and when will the new world come?"
(2) He said to them: "That (resurrection) which you are awaiting has (already) come, but you do not recognize it."

(52)
(1) His disciples said to him: "Twenty-four prophets have spoken in Israel, and all (of them) have spoken through you."
(2) He said to them: "You have pushed away the living (one) from yourselves, and you have begun to speak of those who are dead."

(53)
(1) His disciples said to him: "Is circumcision beneficial, or not?"
(2) He said to them: "If it were beneficial, their father would beget them circumcized from their mother.
(3) But the true circumcision in the spirit has prevailed over everything."

(54) Jesus says: "Blessed are the poor. For the kingdom of heaven belongs to you."

(55) Jesus says:
(1)"Whoever does not hate his father and his mother cannot become a disciple of mine.
(2) And whoever does not hate his brothers and his sisters (and) will not take up his cross as I do, will not be worthy of me."

(56) Jesus says:
"Whoever has come to know the world has found a corpse.
And whoever has found (this) corpse, of him the world is not worthy."

(57) Jesus says:
(1) "The kingdom of the Father is like a person who had (good) seed.
(2) His enemy came by night. He sowed darnel among the good seed.
(3) The person did not allow (the servants) to pull up the darnel.
He said to them: ‘Lest you go to pull up the darnel (and then) pull up the wheat along with it.’
(4) For on the day of the harvest, the darnel will be apparent and it will be pulled up (and) burned."

(58) Jesus says: "Blessed is the person who has struggled. He has found life."

(59) Jesus says: "Look for the Living One while you are alive,
so that you will not die (and) then seek to see him.
And you will not be able to see (him)."

(60)
(1) a Samaritan who was trying to steal a lamb while he was on his way to Judea.
(2) He said to his disciples: "That (person) is stalking the lamb."
(3) They said to him: "So that he may kill it (and) eat it."
(4) He said to them: "As long as it is alive he will not eat it, but (only) when he has killed it (and) it has become a corpse."
(5) They said to him: "Otherwise he cannot do it."
(6) He said to them: "You, too, look for a place for your repose so that you may not become a corpse (and) get eaten."

(61)
(1) Jesus said: "Two will rest on a bed. The one will die, the other will live."
(2) Salome said: "(So) who are you, man?
You have gotten a place on my couch as a and you have eaten from my table."
(3) Jesus said to her: "I am he who comes from the one who is (always) the same.
I was given some of that which is my Father’s."
(4) "I am your disciple!"
(5) "Therefore I say: If someone becomes (God), he will become full of light.
But if he becomes one, separated (from God), he will become full of darkness."

(62) Jesus says:
(1) "I tell my mysteries to those who [are worthy] of [my] mysteries."
(2) "Whatever you right hand does, your left hand should not know what it is doing."

(63) Jesus says:
(1) "There was a rich person who had many possessions.
(2) He said: ‘I will use my possessions so that I might sow, reap, plant,
(and) fill my storehouses with fruit so that I will not lack anything.’
(3) This was what he was thinking in his heart. And in that night he died.
(4) Whoever has ears should hear."

(64) Jesus says:
(1) "A person had guests. And when he had prepared the dinner,
he sent his servant, so that he might invite the guests.
(2) He came to the first (and) said to him: ‘My master invites you.’
(3) He said: ‘I have bills for some merchants. There are coming to me this evening. I will go (and) give instructions to them. Excuse me from the dinner.’
(4) He came to another (and) said to him: ‘My master has invited you.’
(5) He said to him: ‘I have bought a house, and I have been called (away) for a day. I will not have time.’
(6) He went to another (and) said to him: ‘My master invites you.’
(7) He said to him: ‘My friend is going to marry, and I am the one who is going to prepare the meal. I will not be able to come. Excuse me from the dinner.’
(8) He came up to another (and) said to him: ‘My master invites you.’
(9) He said to him: ‘I have bought a village. Since I am going to collect the rent, I will not be able to come. Excuse me.’
(10) The servant went away. He said to his master:
‘Those whom you invited to the dinner have asked to be excused.’
(11) The master said to his servant: ‘Go out on the roads.
Bring (back) whomever you find, so that they might have dinner.’
(12) Dealers and merchants (will) not enter the places of my Father."

(65) He said: "A [usurer] owned a vineyard. He gave it to some farmers so that they would work it (and) he might receive its fruit from them. (2) He sent his servant so that the farmers might give him the fruit of the vineyard. (3) They seized his servant, beat him, (and) almost killed him. The servant went (back and) told his master.
(4) His master said: ‘Perhaps did not recognize .’
(5) He sent another servant, (and) the farmers beat that other one as well.
(6) Then the master sent his son (and) said: ‘Perhaps they will show respect for my son.’
(7) (But) those farmers, since they knew that he was the heir of the vineyard, seized him (and) killed him.
(8) Whoever has ears should hear."

(66) Jesus says: "Show me the stone that the builders have rejected. It is the cornerstone."

(67) Jesus says: "Whoever knows all, if he is lacking one thing, he is (already) lacking everything."

(68) Jesus says:
(1) "Blessed are you when(ever) they hate you (and) persecute you.
(2) But they (themselves) will find no place there where they have persecuted you."

(69) Jesus says:
(1) "Blessed are those who have been persecuted in their heart.
They are the ones who have truly come to know the Father."
(2) "Blessed are those who suffer from hunger so that the belly of the one who wishes (it) will be satisfied."

(70) Jesus says:
(1) "If you bring it into being within you, (then) that which you have will save you.
(2) If you do not have it within you, (then) that which you do not have within you [will] kill you."

(71) Jesus says: "I will [destroy this] house, and no one will be able to build it [again]."

(72)
(1) A [person said] to him: "Tell my brothers that they have to divide my father’s possessions with me."
(2) He said to him: "Man, who has made me a divider?"
(3) He turned to his disciples (and) said to them: "I am not a divider, am I?"

(73) Jesus says:
(a) "The harvest is plentiful, but there are few workers.
(b) But beg the Lord that he may send workers into the harvest."

(74) He said: "Lord, there are many around the well, but there is nothing in the ."

(75) Jesus says: "Many are standing before the door, but it is the solitary ones who will enter the wedding hall."

(76) Jesus says:
(1) "The kingdom of the Father is like a merchant who had merchandise and found a pearl.
(2) That merchant is prudent. He sold the goods (and) bought for himself the pearl alone.
(3) You too look for his treasure, which does not perish, (and) which stays where no moth can reach it to eat it, and no worm destroys it."

(77) Jesus says:
(1) "I am the light that is over all. I am the All.
The All came forth out of me. And to me the All has come."
(2) "Split a piece of wood – I am there.
(3) Lift the stone, and you will find me there."

(78) Jesus says:
(1) "Why did you go out to the countryside? To see a reed shaken by the wind,
(2) and to see a person dressed in soft clothing [like your] kings and your great/powerful persons?
(3) They are dressed in soft clothing and will not be able to recognize the truth."

(79)
(1) A woman in the crowd said to him: "Hail to the womb that carried you and to the breasts that fed you."
(2) He said to [her]: "Hail to those who have heard the word of the Father (and) have truly kept it.
(3) For there will be days when you will say: ‘Hail to the womb that has not conceived and to the breasts that have not given milk.’"

(80) Jesus says:
(1) "Whoever has come to know the world has found the (dead) body.
(2) But whoever has found the (dead) body, of him the world is not worthy."

(81) Jesus says:
(1) "Whoever has become rich should be king.
(2) And the one who has power should renounce (it)."

(82) Jesus says:
(1) "The person who is near me is near the fire.
(2) And the person who is far from me is far from the kingdom."

(83) Jesus says:
(1) "The images are visible to humanity, but the light within them is hidden in the image.
(2) {} The light of the Father will reveal itself, but his image is hidden by his light."

(84) Jesus says:
(1) "When you see your likeness you are full of joy. (2) But when you see your likenesses that came into existence before you – they neither die nor become manifest – how much will you bear?"

(85) Jesus says:
(1) "Adam came from a great power and a great wealth. But he did not become worthy of you.
(2) For if he had been worthy, (then) [he would] not [have tasted] death."

(86) Jesus says:
(1) "[Foxes have] their holes and birds have their nest.
(2) But the son of man has no place to lay his head down (and) to rest."

(87) Jesus says:
(1) "Wretched is the body that depends on a body.
(2) And wretched is the soul that depends on these two."

(88) Jesus says:
(1) "The messengers and the prophets are coming to you, and they will give you what belongs to you.
(2) And you, in turn, give to them what you have in your hands (and) say to yourselves:
‘When will they come (and) take what belongs to them?’"

(89) Jesus says:
(1) "Why do you wash the outside of the cup?
(2) Do you not understand that the one who created the inside is also the one who created the outside?"

(90) Jesus says:
(1) "Come to me, for my yoke is gentle and my lordship is mild.
(2) And you will find repose for yourselves."

(91)
(1) They said to him: "Tell us who you are so that we may believe in you."
(2) He said to them: "You examine the face of sky and earth,
but the one who is before you, you have not recognized,
and you do not know how to test this opportunity."

(92) Jesus says:
(1) "Seek and you will find.
(2) But the things you asked me about in past times,
and what I did not tell you in that day,
now I am willing to tell you, but you do not seek them."

(93)
(1) "Do not give what is holy to the dogs, lest they throw it upon the dunghill.
(2) Do not throw pearls to swine, lest they turn into [mud]."

(94) Jesus [says]:
(1) "The one who seeks will find.
(2) [The one who knocks], to that one will it be opened."

(95) [Jesus says:]
(1) "If you have money, do not lend (it) out at interest.
(2) Rather, give [it] to the one from whom you will not get it (back)."

(96) Jesus [says]:
(1) "The kingdom of the Father is like [a] woman.
(2) She took a little bit of yeast. [She] hid it in dough (and) made it into huge loaves of bread.
(3) Whoever has ears should hear.""

(97) Jesus says:
(1) "The kingdom of the [Father] is like a woman who is carrying a [jar] filled with flour.
(2) While she was walking on [the] way, very distant (from home),
the handle of the jar broke (and) the flour leaked out [on] the path.
(3) (But) she did not know (it); she had not noticed a problem.
(4) When she reached her house, she put the jar down on the floor (and) found it empty."

(98) Jesus says:
(1) "The kingdom of the Father is like a person who wanted to kill a powerful person.
(2) He drew the sword in his house (and) stabbed it into the wall to test whether his hand would be strong (enough).
(3) Then he killed the powerful one."

(99)
(1) The disciples said to him: "Your brothers and your mother are standing outside."
(2) He said to them: "Those here, who do the will of my Father, they are my brothers and my mother.
(3) They are the ones who will enter the kingdom of my Father."

(100)
(1) They showed Jesus a gold coin and said to him: "Caesar’s people demand taxes from us."
(2) He said to them: "Give Caesar (the things) that are Caesar’s.
(3) Give God (the things) that are God’s.
(4) And what is mine give me."

(101)
(1) "Whoever does not hate his [father] and his mother as I do will not be able to be a [disciple] of mine.
(2) And whoever does [not] love [his father] and his mother as I do will not be able to be a [disciple] of mine.
(3) For my mother […], but my true [mother] gave me life."

(102) Jesus says: "Woe to them, the Pharisees, for they are like a dog sleeping in a cattle trough, for it neither eats nor [lets] the cattle eat."

(103) Jesus says: "Blessed is the person who knows at which point (of the house) the robbers are going to enter, so that [he] may arise to gather together his [domain] and gird his loins before they enter."

(104)
(1) They said to [Jesus]: "Come, let us pray and fast today!"
(2) Jesus said: "What sin is it that I have committed, or wherein have I been overcome?
(3) But when the bridegroom comes out of the wedding chamber, then let (us) fast and pray."

(105) Jesus says: "Whoever will come to know father and mother, he will be called son of a whore."

(106) Jesus says:
(1) "When you make the two into one, you will become sons of man.
(2) And when you say ‘Mountain, move away,’ it will move away."

(107) Jesus says:
(1) "The kingdom is like a shepherd who had a hundred sheep.
(2) One of them went astray, the largest. He left the ninety-nine, (and) he sought the one until he found it.
(3) After he had toiled, he said to the sheep: ‘I love you more than the ninety-nine.’"

(108) Jesus says:
(1) "Whoever will drink from my mouth will become like me.
(2) I myself will become he,
(3) and what is hidden will be revealed to him."

(109) Jesus says:
(1) "The kingdom is like a person who has a hidden treasure in his field, (of which) he knows nothing.
(2) And [after] he had died, he left it to his [son]. (But) the son did not know (about it either).
He took over that field (and) sold [it].
(3) And the one who had bought it came, and while he was ploughing [he found] the treasure.
He began to lend money at interest to whom he wished."

(110) Jesus says: "The one who has found the world (and) has become wealthy should renounce the world."

(111) Jesus says:
(1) "The heavens will roll up before you, and the earth.
(2) And whoever is living from the living one will not see death."
(3) Does not Jesus say: "Whoever has found himself, of him the world is not worthy"?

(112) Jesus says:
(1) "Woe to the flesh that depends on the soul.
(2) Woe to the soul that depends on the flesh."

(113)
(1) His disciples said to him: "The kingdom – on what day will it come?"
(2) "It will not come by watching (and waiting for) it.
(3) They will not say: ‘Look, here!’ or ‘Look, there!’
(4) Rather, the kingdom of the Father is spread out upon the earth, and people do not see it."

(114)
(1) Simon Peter said to them: "Let Mary go away from us, for women are not worthy of life."
(2) Jesus said: "Look, I will draw her in so as to make her male,
so that she too may become a living male spirit, similar to you."
(3) (But I say to you): "Every woman who makes herself male will enter the kingdom of heaven."

The Gospel
According to Thomas