Monday, October 19, 2009

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer
and two people show up. One is a good
looking, old retired marine in his late 60's
and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going
to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion.
He ate my last tamer so you two had better
be good or you're history. Here's your
equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who
wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first."

She walks past the chair, the whip and the
gun and steps right into the lion's cage.
The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins
to charge her. About half way there, she
throws open her coat revealing her beautiful
naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly
crawls up to her and starts licking her feet
and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss
her entire body for several minutes and
then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He
says, "I've never seen a display like that
in my life." He then turns to the retired
marine and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old marine replies, "No
problem, just get that damn lion out of

...and that's how it happend

NEWS FLASH!! Obama Wins Boston Marathon

BOSTON - President Barack Obama won the 2010 Boston Marathon this morning in a stunning decision designed to encourage him to quit smoking and keep running to stay in shape. The Boston Athletic Association announced their decision to name Obama the winner even though the race will not be run until 18 April 2010 because the president has the desire to win and has good intentions.

In announcing Obama the winner the president of the BAA said, "We must rise above the out dated measurements of what a person actually has accomplished and focus instead on their intentions and what they say they will do. "Intentions and talk are what drive the world." Congressman Barney Frank and Chinese Vice President XI Jinping seated nearby reiterated these words.

The BAA also noted that no president has won the marathon before. This would set a good example for all future presidents of the United States and for other countries such as Iran and North Korea that intentions really matter.

Many observers were shocked by the unexpected decision before the race has even been run. However, when told of his win the President said he had really been thinking a lot about keeping in shape, talked with staff about cutting back on his smoking, and even read an article about the Boston Marathon.

Obama added that wining the Boston Marathon was better than any other award he has received including his Nobel Prize, Tony for best performance by leading actor, Emmy for outstanding lead actor in drama series, Golden Globe for best performance of an actor in a comedy, Heisman Trophy for side stepping the issues, NASCAR Champion, World Series Most Valuable Player, Best Twitter Page, and Teleprompters of America Best Reader.

Friday, October 16, 2009

The new priest

The new priest, born and raised in Georgia , is nervous
about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks
him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. 

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your
chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes,
go on,' and 'I understand.'" 

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and
repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest. 

The old priest says , ...

"Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee
and saying, "No shit...  what happened next?"

Time for a beer run!

Don't forget your flu shot!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Tuesday, October 13, 2009