BOSTON - President Barack Obama won the 2010 Boston Marathon this morning in a stunning decision designed to encourage him to quit smoking and keep running to stay in shape. The Boston Athletic Association announced their decision to name Obama the winner even though the race will not be run until 18 April 2010 because the president has the desire to win and has good intentions.
In announcing Obama the winner the president of the BAA said, "We must rise above the out dated measurements of what a person actually has accomplished and focus instead on their intentions and what they say they will do. "Intentions and talk are what drive the world." Congressman Barney Frank and Chinese Vice President XI Jinping seated nearby reiterated these words.
The BAA also noted that no president has won the marathon before. This would set a good example for all future presidents of the United States and for other countries such as Iran and North Korea that intentions really matter.
Many observers were shocked by the unexpected decision before the race has even been run. However, when told of his win the President said he had really been thinking a lot about keeping in shape, talked with staff about cutting back on his smoking, and even read an article about the Boston Marathon.
Obama added that wining the Boston Marathon was better than any other award he has received including his Nobel Prize, Tony for best performance by leading actor, Emmy for outstanding lead actor in drama series, Golden Globe for best performance of an actor in a comedy, Heisman Trophy for side stepping the issues, NASCAR Champion, World Series Most Valuable Player, Best Twitter Page, and Teleprompters of America Best Reader.
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This makes me livid. Fuck that asshole.
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