Monday, June 27, 2011


A Lonely Little Old Lady Checked Into A Hotel

there was this lonely old lady who…

A little old lady named Louann checked into a motel on her 70th birthday, but she was a bit lonely.

She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages.”

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling
himself Tender Tony – a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his well-oiled bottom….

She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. She give him a call.

“Good evening, ma’am, how may I help you?” Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, “Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I’d like you to come to my motel room and give me one.

No, wait, I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks.

We’ll go hot and heavy all night – tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I’m ready!! Now how does that sound?”

He said, “That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.”

Again, we all know what to do, right?

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Sunday, June 19, 2011

Information about Gonorrhea Lectim Outbreak

Information about Gonorrhea Lectim

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'em," and it is a terrible obamanation.

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum. Many victims contracted it in 2008...but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.

It's sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with a new drug just coming on the market called Votemout. You take the first dose in 2010 and the second dose in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior again; otherwise, it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.

Several states are already on top of this, like Virginia and New Jersey , and apparently now Massachusetts , with many more seeing the writing on the wall.

Please pass this important message on to all those bright folk you really care about.



Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

YUM! Who Doesn't Love Oysters?

Man/Woman Communications

Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's Diary:

Harley wouldn't start, can't figure it out.

Casey Anthony- I wonder

I just wonder:

1-Did anyone else have access to the computer with the searches?

2-How many times and how long each time did someone else have possession of your car?

3-Was Caylee kidnapped or drowned accidentally and why wouldn't you report either immediately?

4-Was the body burried in that low level empty lot in the neighborhood and popped up or just bobbed around those months it was flooded?

5-Didn't Cronk report seeing it several times in different places over a couple months?

6-Chloroform was not in the body like in the car(was prob in car from trying to clean the stink)

7-Was the stink from the body or spoiled food trash? I had a cooler of iced fresh fish in my trunk one time. A little of the water sloshed out while I was driving home and I didn't notice when I removed the cooler. A couple days later it started stinking to high heaven. I cleaned it out and got rid of the smell but the smell came back in a couple days. I cleaned it repeatedly until the stink nearly faded away for good but there were still traces from time to time.

8-What were you doing those years you were supposed to be going to work at Universal?

9-You apparently had money, how?

10-How could a mother, relative, anybody brutally murder and contemptuously bag and discard a child?

11-Was there really a nanny?

12-Why have you always lied so much?

13-Why'd you borrow a shovel? You don't seem the gardening type.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Why Muslim Terrorists Are So Willing Commit Suicide

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Lets have a look at the evidence:

- No Christmas?

- No television?

- No nude women!?!

- No football?

- No pork chops?
- No hot dogs?

- No burgers?

- No beer!?!
- No bacon?

- Rags for clothes?

- Towels for hats?

- Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower?

- More than one wife?

- More than one mother in law!?!

- You can't shave?

- Your wife can't shave?

- You can't wash off the smell of donkey?

- You wipe your butt with your hand?

- You cook over burning camel dung?

- Your wife is picked by someone else for you?

- and your wife smells worse than your donkey??

Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better (72 virgins)"?? Well, no shit, Sherlock!.... It's not like it could get much worse

A Missouri Farm Kid

A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's,
and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your Dad home?"

"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."

"Well, is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she went to town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The rancher stood there for a few minutes,
shifting from one foot to the other,
and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are,
if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."

"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad
It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'

The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that.
I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog,
but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

Obama's SSN Tied To Alias Harrison J Bounel

How can this stuff be true and nobody does anything about it?


What Makes a Team Smarter? More Women???

The finding: There’s little correlation between a group’s collective intelligence and the IQs of its individual members. But if a group includes more women, its collective intelligence rises.

The research: Professors Woolley and Malone, along with Christopher Chabris, Sandy Pentland, and Nada Hashmi, gave subjects aged 18 to 60 standard intelligence tests and assigned them randomly to teams. Each team was asked to complete several tasks—including brainstorming, decision making, and visual puzzles—and to solve one complex problem. Teams were given intelligence scores based on their performance. Though the teams that had members with higher IQs didn’t earn much higher scores, those that had more women did.

Friday, June 10, 2011



Loading 5MB Hard Drive

1st System I worked on had about 6 or 8 of these.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Saved the Taxpayers a Bundle!

Not verified.
Response Time in El Paso, Texas

Three armed felons crossed the U. S . border and attempted to rob an off duty El Paso police officer dressed in civilian clothes while he stood in front of a bank.
The plan was for two of them to grab his backpack and toss it to an accomplice on a stolen motorcycle.
However, the well prepared police officer shot all of them, killing two immediately. The third was shot in both arms and bled to death before tthe ambulance arrived. This is how much the U. S . Taxpayer would have had to pay to
prosecute these thugs:

Arrest and detention for 1 night = -$6,000

Transportation for deportation back to Mexico the next day = -$1000

Air time for Obama to apologize in 30 min speech $25,007,000

What it actually cost:
Four .40 rounds = $1.00
Taxpayer savings = $25,006,999.00

They Picked The Wrong Man to Rob - Only in TEXA S !


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Murray's Musings

Yes, neet stuff Murray sends me:

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up.

I went to San Francisco and found some
one's heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I did not even know
they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove money
can't make me happy
If the world were a logical place men
would be the ones who ride sidesaddle.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous
in the home. When he grows up he will
not be able to merge onto the freeway.
Experience is what you have left when
everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists: They do
not talk about other people.

Is it me or do buffalo wings taste like
From Joe Carroll
Beer Joint Sues Church In Mt. Vernon, Texas
Drummond Bar began construction on expanding their building
to increase their business.

In response the local church started a campaign to
block the
bar from expanding with petitions and prayers.
Work progressed up until the week before the grand reopening
when lightning struck the building and it burned to the ground.

After the bar burned to the ground due to the lightning strike
the church members were smug in their outlook, bragging
about the power of prayer, until the bar owner sued the
church on the grounds the church was ultimately responsible
for the demise of his building through direct or indirect actions
or means.

In its reply to the court the church vehemently denied all
responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.

The judge read the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's
reply and at the opening hearing commented "I don't know
how I'm going to decide this but it appears from the paperwork
that we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer
and an entire church congregation that now does not."
Friends And Love
Two seriously ill men shared the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour
each afternoon.
His bed was next to a window.
The other man had to spend his time flat on his back.

They talked for hours every day.
They spoke of wives, families, homes, jobs, their
military service, their vacations.

Every afternoon when the man sat up he would tell
his roommate in great detail all the things he saw

The other man lived for these times when his world
was broadened and enlivened by all the activity and
color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans swam on the water. Children sailed
their boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst
flowers of every color. A fine view of the city skyline
could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite
detail the other man would close his eyes and imagine
these wonderful scenes.

One afternoon the man by the window described a
parade passing by.

Although the other man could not hear the band he
could see it in his mind's eye as the other man portrayed
it so wonderfully.

Days, weeks, months passed.
One morning the nurse brought water for their baths and
discovered the man by the window had died peacefully
during the night.

She was saddened and called the hospital attendants.

As soon as it seemed appropriate the other man asked
if he could move next to the window. The nurse was
happy to make the switch and left.

Slowly he propped himself up to take his first look at
the world outside. He slowly turned to look out the
It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what had compelled his friend
to describe such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse told him his friend was blind and could not
even see the wall.
She said 'He wanted to give this gift to you and bring
you pleasure. It was his greatest joy also to do this
for you.'


LDS ranch big impact in Florida

Video Courtesy of

Monday, June 6, 2011

We can be glad we don't belong to this class

What language is that, Hood Ratese?

My Work Is Done

“Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy. It’s inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.”

A Well-Planned Retirement

From The London Times:
A Well-Planned Retirement
Outside England 's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant.....The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7). Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent. The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo's own responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee. The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll. Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain or France or Italy is a man who'd apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars ...... and no one even knows his name.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Southern Wives

Three friends married women from different parts of the country...
The first man married a woman from Wisconsin. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Minnesota. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from the South. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything. The second day he didn't see anything either, but he said that by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

I received this from a lady who is a true Southern Belle if ever there was one. Her email suggested that I would like it. Now, to be completely honest, I'm not absolutely sure whether or not that was just her opinion or an order. So, just to be safe, I figured I'd post it on here. No sense taking chances.

Arab/Muslims killing a bunch of Black Christians....So, it's OK

AP: UN Report Warns Of 'Ethnic

Cleansing' In Sudan

In this photo released by the United Nations Mission in Sudan (UNMIS), a Zambian U.N. peacekeeping soldier patrols the area in the contested border town of Abyei, Sudan, Monday, May 30, 2011. The northern Sudanese government has called for Southern Sudan's troops stationed in northern border states to withdraw within two days. But the south has warned that it will not withdraw its forces becaus...
Associated Press

In this photo released by the United Nations Mission in Sudan (UNMIS), a Zambian U.N. peacekeeping soldier patrols the area in the contested border town of Abyei, Sudan, Monday, May 30, 2011. The northern Sudanese government has called for Southern Sudan's troops stationed in northern border states to withdraw within two days. But the south has warned that it will not withdraw its forces because the soldiers are local men. The standoff follows the north's occupation of the disputed border region of Abyei last week.

In this photo released by the United Nations Mission in Sudan (UNMIS), a Zambian U.N. peacekeeping soldier sits atop an armored personel carrier as he patrols the area in the contested border town of Abyei, Sudan, Monday, May 30, 2011. The northern Sudanese government has called for Southern Sudan's troops stationed in northern border states to withdraw within two days. But the south has warned...
Associated Press

In this photo released by the United Nations Mission in Sudan (UNMIS), a Zambian U.N. peacekeeping soldier sits atop an armored personel carrier as he patrols the area in the contested border town of Abyei, Sudan, Monday, May 30, 2011. The northern Sudanese government has called for Southern Sudan's troops stationed in northern border states to withdraw within two days. But the south has warned that it will not withdraw its forces because the soldiers are local men. The standoff follows the north's occupation of the disputed border region of Abyei last week.


Wednesday, June 1, 2011


Nigerian 'baby factory' raided and 32 teenage girls freed

Nigerian police have raided a home allegedly being used to force teenage girls to have babies that were then offered for sale for trafficking or other purposes, authorities said on Wednesday.

Nigerian 'baby factory' raided, 32 teenage girls freed
Cases of child abuse and people trafficking are common in West Africa Photo: Justin Sutcliffe

"We stormed the premises of the Cross Foundation in Aba three days ago following a report that pregnant girls aged between 15 and 17 are being made to make babies for the proprietor," said Bala Hassan, police commissioner for Abia state in the country's southeast.



I believe this one has to be forwarded to as many people as possible in the hopes that it will help stop this abuse. If it saves only one precious child, it was worth the effort.


My name is Chris ,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen.
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made ,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my Mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All day long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my Mom does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar

I hear him curse,
My name is called ,
I press myself,
Against the wall.

I try to hide,
From his evil eyes,
I'm so afraid now,
I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping,
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault,
He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me,
And yells at me more,
I finally get free,
And run to the door.

He's already locked it,
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me,
Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor,
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues,
With more bad words spoken.

'I'm sorry!', I scream,
But it's now much too late,
His face has been twisted,
Into a unimaginable shape.

The hurt and the pain,
Again and again,
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!

And he finally stops,
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless,
Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Chris ,
I am three,
Tonight my daddy,
Murdered me.

And you can help,
Sickens me to the soul,
If you read this,
And don't pass it on.

I pray for your forgiveness,
You would have to be,
One heartless person,
Not to be affected,
By this Poem.

And because you ARE affected,
Do something about it!
So all I ask you to do,
Is pass this on!

Post this as 'Daddy ... It hurts'

If you do not send this to everyone you know
Then you obviously don't care about child abuse.

At first I thought this was just a chain letter
And I wasn't going to send it either,
But now I realize that this is an important situation.

At least 5 children each day from around the world die from child abuse!!!!

This is heart wrenching. And it happens across the board. PLEASE KEEP THIS GOING!!!!