Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Do you have a vagina?

Now there is a question you do not get too often…

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.
She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady ‘Do you have a vagina?’ She slams the door in disgust….

The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it is the same man, and he asks the same question of the woman. He asks ‘Do you have a vagina’. She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice ‘Honey I’m taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again’.

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice ‘Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it’.

She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there. He asks the same question. Do you have vagina’… ‘Yes’ she says.

The man replies, ‘Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and to start using yours!’

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Hollies

ZOMBIES

Direct Approach

Two alligators

Two alligators were sitting around talking, and the smaller alligator turned to the bigger one & said, “I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.”

“Well,” said the big gator, “what have you been eating?”

“Politicians, same as you,” replied the small gator.

“Hmm, where do you catch them?”

“Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.”

“Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?”

“Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars & wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em! “

“Ah!' says the big alligator, “I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.”

Monday, August 29, 2011

Boys! Girls!

Friday, August 26, 2011

The Obama Prison Blues

What He Holds Dear

The Crotch Salute Returns! I am sorry folks, but is this the man that was
elected President of our country? You know, the United States of America.
I do believe that saluting the flag goes with that, as does respecting
and honoring the service members who have died. Does this pompous ass
believe he is above that gesture? He can shower us all with flowery words (via
teleprompter) and dazzle us with his B.S., but actions speak louder. This
sucks! EVERYONE needs to see this Pic!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

NUNS

THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A RED SOX BASEBALL GAME.

THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND THEM.

BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW,

THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS,

HOPING THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.

IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID,
"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH ..

THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."

THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID LOUDLY,
"I WANT TO MOVE TO MONTANA .

THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."

THE THIRD GUY YELLED,
"I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO ..

THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE."

THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND,

LOOKED AT THE MEN,

AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID,

"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL...THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE."

Ronald Reagan's America

FULL ARTICLE

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Politics And The Earthquake

@calebhowe: Breaking: Obama administration points out they ‘inherited’ fault lines from previous administrations.

@comradescott: Evidently the quake occurred on a little known fault line outside of DC called ‘Bush’s Fault.’

@charliespiering: I won’t stop shaking until Obama makes a speech telling me that everything is ok and that he has a plan.

@Ben_Howe: As all of DC leaves work at the same time, the United States experiences a brief economic recovery.

@TPCarney: Krugman says it wasn’t big enough.

@MaizeBlueNation: Fox News claims the Washington monument is leaning to the right, MSNBC claims it’s leaning to the left. More news at 11.

@politicoroger POLITICO had the earthquake story yesterday.

S&P has downgraded earthquake to a 2.0.

Rick Perry denies earthquake.

Michele Bachmann vows to bring all U.S. earthquakes down to a 2.9 magnitude.

There was just a 5.9 earthquake in Washington. Obama wanted it to be 3.4, but the Republicans wanted 5.9, so he compromised.

MORE

Digital Penetration

The creepiest thing about naked body scanners is being removed: their human operators. CLICK FOR FULL STORY

Just in time for a congressional budget-cutting deal, the government has found a way to eliminate a whole class of federal employees: the people who stare at your naked body in airports.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Disclose the race of flash mob victims and attackers.

"flash mob" attacks.

There, that wasn't so hard, was it?

You'd think it was from all the handwringing within and without the media about whether the public should be told whether these are cases of black youth randomly attacking whites. Or of whites attacking blacks. Or of racially mixed gangs attacking racially mixed victims.

If the attacks are not racially motived, then describing the race of the attackers and victim will clear up the matter. The factual reporting will put to rest any suspicion that random, racially motivated crimes are breaking out. Or feed false stereotypes.

But if these are hate crimes, then the public has an equal right to know. Because an outbreak of racial hatred by any group is a serious problem that must be addressed. CLICK FOR ENTIRE STORY

Man in the Long Black Coat

Alice's Restaurant Illustrated

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Pregnant From Watching 3D Film

High Tech Hog Control

240 Years at Old Bailey:largest body of accurately transcribed historical texts

For 240 years the grand parade of human greed, love, cruelty, longing, and foolishness was captured in the Proceedings, the published record of trials that took place at the Old Bailey, the central criminal court, in London.

As the Gavels Fell: 240 Years at Old Bailey

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Tidal Wave

AJewish grandma and her grandson are at the beach.

He's playing in the water, she is standing on the shore not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly onto the spot where her grandson was wading.

The water recedes and the boy is no longer there, he had been swept away.

The grandma holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries: Lord, my GOD, how could you? Haven't I been a wonderful grandmother? Haven't I been a wonderful mother? Haven't I kept a kosher home? Haven't I
given to charity? Haven't I lit candles every Friday night? Haven't I tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?

A voice booms from the sky, "All right already!"

A moment later another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach.

As the water recedes, the boy is standing there He is smiling and splashing around as if nothing had ever happened.

The voice booms again. "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?"

She responds, "He had a hat."

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

You Don't Want To Buy A Used Bike In San Francisco

$1.1 million Obamamobile

Man! Can this dude spend money? All he needs is a Darth Vader outfit to match. CLICK PIC FOR FULL VIEW

"Greyhound 1"

Secret Service Buys Two New $1.1 Million Canadian Buses For Three-Day Trip…

US President Barack Obama (C) walks to his bus as he arrives in
Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, Minnesota, August 15, 2011, where he is
to begin his three-day bus tour in the Midwest centering on ways to grow the
economy. (AFP PHOTO/Jim WATSON)

He FLYS into an airport somewhere in the midwest, hops into a brand new
1.1 Million $ bus, paid for by you and me, for a “bus tour” ‘around the
midwest’, and after an hour or so, gets driven back to the airport for
ANOTHER FLIGHT, lands at another airport where another 1.1 Million $ brand new
black bus is waiting for him… and repeats all that until his midwest bus‘tour
’ is done?? Oh yes......and THEN he leaves on a 12 day vacation to
Martha's Vineyard.......to REST UP from this campaign bus tour!

And don't forget........those brand new shiny black buses aren’t DRIVEN to
the location where they meet Obama. Those buses are loaded up on one or
more C-17s. Then, they are flown to the destination ahead of AirForce-1.
AND!......this is REPEATED FOR EVERY CAMPAIGN STOP.

On this 'bus tour', the Prez will lecture the 'little people' on how they
need to live within their means and cut-back! Remember when very recently
Obama told that family man to GO BUY A HYBRID VAN when he said he couldn’t
afford to fill up his truck????

Obama's 'carbon footprint' must be as large as most cities by now.

All of this on the taxpayer's dime....But remember, this is NOT a campaign
trip - it is "Meet with the people" trip only! So that the DNC does NOT
pay a cent for all of this.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Pendulum Waves

"Here is a totally simple-minded little experiment- which turns out to be brilliant; and I'd have to predict a classic demonstration for all students of physics, mathematics, and music, for eons to come: This one was built at Harvard; and in the very best scientific tradition, they do not take the credit for it:

'Our apparatus was built from a design published by Richard Berg {Am J Phys 59(2), 186-187 (1991)} at the University of Maryland. He claims their version is copied from one at Moscow State University and they claim to have seen it first in the US, so we don't know who made one first. The apparatus we have was designed and built by Nils Sorensen.' "