My favorite things - Julie Andrews turns 79

A very funny update that was recently performed by Julie Andrews. 

 

Julie Andrews Turning 79 - this is hysterical!

To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a
special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for a benefit.
One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things' from
the legendary movie 'Sound Of Music'.
Here are the lyrics she used:  (Sing It!)  - If you sing it, it is
especially hysterical!!!

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillac's and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted
over four minutes and repeated encores.
Please share Ms. Andrews' clever wit and humor with others who would
appreciate it.)

ctsy Gary F

THE MANY ROADS OF LIFE AND AND A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM!!

THE MANY ROADS OF LIFE AND A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM..

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always Catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . . Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a driver's license.
At age 75 success is . ... . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the Blessings that come each day.   Happy Thanksgiving Merry Christmas Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

courtesy DonS

Strange Facts about the U.S.

More people live in New York City than in 40 of the 50 states.

 

The word Pennsylvania is misspelled on the Liberty Bell. 

 

There is enough water in Lake Superior to cover all of North and South America in one foot of liquid.

 

There's a town in Washington with treetop bridges made specifically to help squirrels cross the street

 

In 1872, Russia sold Alaska to the Unites States for about 2 cents per acre..

 

It would take you more than 400 years to spend a night in all of Las Vegas's hotel rooms.

 

Western Michigan is home to a giant lavender labyrinth so big you can see it on Google Earth. 

 

There's an island full of wild monkeys off the coast of South Carolina called Morgan Island, and it's not open to humans.

 

There's enough concrete in the Hoover Dam to build a two-lane highway from San Francisco to New York City.

 

Arizona and Hawaii are now the only states that don't observe daylight savings time.

 

Boston has the worst drivers out of the nation's 200 largest cities. Kansas City has the best drivers.

 

Kansas produces enough wheat each year to feed everyone in the world for about two weeks.

 

Oregon's Crater Lake is deep enough to cover six Statues of Liberty stacked on top of each other

 

The Empire State building has its own zip code.

 

The Los Angeles Coroner's Office has its own quirky gift shop called Skeletons in the Closet.

 

The Library of Congress contains approximately 838 miles of bookshelves long enough to stretch from Houston to Chicago.

 

At 46 letters, Massachusetts's Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggcha ubunagungamaugg has the longest place name in the U.S. (even though it's based on a joke).

 

The entire Denver International Airport is twice the size of Manhattan.

 

In 1893, an amendment was proposed to rename the country to the "United States of Earth."

 

A highway in Lancaster, California plays the William Tell Overture as you drive over it, thanks to some well-placed grooves in the road

 

The total length of Idaho's rivers could stretch across the United States about 40 times.

 

The town of Centralia, Pennsylvania has been on fire for 55 years.

 

The one-woman town of Monowi, Nebraska is the only officially incorporated municipality with a population of 1. The sole, 83-year-old resident is the city's mayor, librarian, and bartender.

 

The entire town of Whittier, Alaksa lives under one roof.

 

The number of bourbon barrels in Kentucky outnumbers the state's population by more than two million.

 

In 1943, the temperature in Spearfish, South Dakota jumped 49 degrees in two minutes (-4°F to 45°F), one of the most drastic changes on record.

 

The world's tiniest park is in Portland, measuring a mere two feet wide.

 

The inventor of the Ouija board lived and died in Baltimore; his tombstone stands as a reflection of his achievement.

 

There are around 5,000 commercial airplanes flying over the United States at any given time.

 

Only one-third of all $100 bills are actually inside the United States.

 

 

In Colma, California the dead outnumber the living by nearly 1,000 to 1.

 

The smallest county in the U.S., Kalawao County on the Hawaiian island of Moloka'i, is also a leprosy colony where a few former patients still live.

 

South Florida is the only place in the world where alligators and crocodiles coexist in the wild.

WHAT THEY HAVE IN COMMON

Not one of these people is an NRA member... 

Not one of these people is a right conservative 

Christian.... Not one of these people is a 

conservative American Republican.... But I 

bet you can guess what they all have in 

common.....???? They're all mentally ill 

liberals...but, I digress.

And another observation is 6 out of 9 are 

dead because of good men & women with 

guns who have the patriotism to hunt them 

down.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HEAD WIND AND A TAIL WIND

A pair of Delta passengers are facing criminal charges after allegedly being caught having oral sex mid-flight. The female passenger, 48, was allegedly caught performing the sex act on a man 20 years her junior as they remained in their seats on the flight from Los Angeles to Detroit on Sunday. Airport police say both were connecting in Detroit to other flights and the pair only met on board the aircraft.