Perfect Divorce

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT, I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT! EVEN IF IT ISN'T, THE MESSAGE IS STRONG AND IT HAS TO MAKE THE LEFT THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO OUR COUNTRY IN LESS THAN TWO YEARS!


Dear American Liberals, Leftists, Social Progressives, Socialists, Marxists and Obama Supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for
us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC, CBS, CNN and Hollywood . You can have all the multi-lingual government pamphlets and voter registratio cards and so many manufacturers will be off-loading thousands of boxed goods in your areas because in our United States of America , ENGLISH will be the official language. If you don't speak it, learn it because there
won't be a Spanish option.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us and our allies. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our friends or our way of life ar under assault, we'll help provide them security. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup truck and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Toyota Prius you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a right but not an entitlement. We'll help those who are willing to help themselves and you can help those who are willing to sit on their able-bodied butts while you work. You also get to figure out a way to care and pay for those babies being born to mothers who are still
children themselves and you can then compensate them for having reproduced offspring who themselves will be reproducing offspring in another short 14 years. Just think, you will have more 28 year-old grandmothers per capita than any other nation on earth and none of them will be able to read this letter.

We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and The Star-Spangled Banner. I'm sure you'll be happy to have Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World as your anthem. We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. Oh yeah, and if you think you might want to cross our border illegally, think again, because there will be
a no open borders in our country and there will be no hyphenations used in our new United States of America where you will either be an American or you won't be. You can always honor your heritage but you will not be a Mexican-American or an African-American or any
other (-)ed American.

In which America are you going to live? Think hard because today we are headed down a very slippery slope. Please pass this along to both liberal leftists and conservative patriots; however, if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, choose the liberal United States and within 10 years you’ll want to be back in the USA . Ask yourself, would you voluntarily move to Mexico City or Moscow or Mumbai. That's the road down which America is headed unless we make changes NOW!

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.