PUMPED UP KICKS|DUBSTEP

PRAY FOR YOUR PRESIDENT ! !

Psalm 109:8 ~ "Let his days be few and brief; and let others step forward to replace him."

MORE GUNS, LESS CRIME!

Despite increases in gun sales, gun crimes continued to decrease in the United States for the fourth straight year in 2010, according to the FBI.

The FBI recently released its Crime in The United States statistics for 2010. Overall, murders in the U.S. have decreased steadily since 2006, dropping from 15,087 to 12,996. Firearms murders — which made up 67 percent of all murders in the U.S. in 2010 — have followed this trend, decreasing by 14 percent.

At the same time that firearms murders were dropping, gun sales were surging. In 2009, FBI background checks for guns increased by 30 percent over the previous year, while firearms sales in large retail outlets increased by almost 40 percent. The number of applications for concealed carry permits jumped across the country as well.

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2011/09/28/gun-crime-continues-to-decrease-despite-increase-in-gun-ownership/#ixzz1ZS9n7ATJ

DEMOCRAT!!!!!

From a friend in Massachusetts:

I was driving from Boston to Springfield the other day when a tire blew out. Checking my spare, I found that it too was flat. My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the next town. The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van. He yelled out the window, "Need a lift?" "Yes, I sure do," I replied. "You a Republican or Democrat," asked the old man. "Republican," I replied. "Well, you can just go to Hell," yelled the old man as he sped off. Another guy stopped, rolled down the window, and asked me the same question.. Again, I answered, "Republican." The driver gave me the finger and drove off. I thought it over and decided that maybe I Should change my strategy, since this area seemed to be overly political and there appeared to be few Republicans. The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful blonde.. She smiled seductively and asked if I was a Republican or Democrat. "Democrat!" I shouted.. "Hop in!" replied the blonde. Driving down the road, I couldn't help but stare at the gorgeous woman in The seat next to me, the wind blowing through her hair, perfect breasts, and a short skirt that continued to ride higher and higher up her thighs. Finally, I yelled, "Please stop the car." She immediately slammed on the brakes and as soon as the car stopped, I jumped out. "What's the matter?" she asked. "I can't take it anymore," I replied. "I've only been a Democrat for five minutes and already I want to screw somebody."

TOO SEXY FOR PETA!

The "pin-up" style photo of a raw chicken lounging seductively ran in Wednesday's food section of the New York Times along with a story on the appeal of crispy, savory chicken skin. Now the animal cruelty prevention organization is aiming their laser-beam target at the old gray lady.

"When I saw it I just couldn't believe that an editor of The New York Times would find it acceptable," PETA's founder and president Ingrid Newkirk told The Atlantic Wire. "It's downright offensive, not just to people who care about animals but almost to everyone. It's a plucked, beheaded, young chicken in a young pose," she said.

Tina Loit, the Times photo editor who commissioned the shoot didn't see it that way. "That chicken had attitude," she said of the model, who was propped into a come-hither position with the help of weights and wire.

The image was intended as a humorous, eye-catching approach to your standard food fetish art. But PETA's Newkirk is calling it necrophilia.

http://www.theatlanticwire.com/business/2011/09/petas-not-laughing-new-york-timess-sexy-chicken/43087/

USES EBT CARD-MOBAMA!

AP photographer Charles Dharapak told CBS News he took pictures of the first lady at the Target on Route 1 in Alexandria, Virginia.

The first lady's office confirmed that the pictures showed Mrs. Obama, though it did not immediately respond when asked if it tipped off Dharapak.

"It is not uncommon for the First Lady to slip out to run an errand, eat at a local restaurant or otherwise enjoy the city outside the White House gates," said Kristina Schake, communications director for the First Lady.

In the photographs, the first lady is wearing a Nike baseball cap, sunglasses and a floral-print button-down shirt with a neon v-neck underlay. She is seen holding a pair of Target bags and pushing a shopping cart. You can see the two full-length photos below.

Michelle Obama shops incognito at Target

Chapter - It's Free Swipe Yo EBT (Explicit)

Radio interview with EBT card rapper Chapter

Radio interview with EBT card rapper Chapter

DETROIT BOOTY LOUNGE

Ray Stevens - Mr. President - Mr. President

Funk legend Sly Stone homeless and living in a van in LA

Today, Sly Stone -- one of the greatest figures in soul-music history -- is homeless, his fortune stolen by a lethal combination of excess, substance abuse and financial mismanagement. He lays his head inside a white camper van ironically stamped with the words “Pleasure Way” on the side. The van is parked on a residential street in Crenshaw, the rough Los Angeles neighborhood where “Boyz n the Hood” was set. A retired couple makes sure he eats once a day,

Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/the_rise_and_fall_of_sly_stone_qijyKoYzmAqer1PA0YogSJ#ixzz1ZMMs3d63

Just one strong dose of hallucinogenic mushrooms can alter a person's personality for more than a year and perhaps permanently, a new study finds.

People given psilocybin, the compound in "magic mushrooms" that causes hallucinations and feelings of transcendence, demonstrated a more "open" personality after their experience, an effect that persisted for at least 14 months. Openness is a psychological term referring to an appreciation for new experiences. People who are more open tend to have broad imaginations and value emotion, art and curiosity.

This personality warp is unusual, said study researcher Katherine MacLean, because personality rarely changes much after the age of 25 or 30. (In fact, one recent study found that by first grade our personalities are set pretty much for life.)

'Magic mushroom' drug may improve personality long-term'

Magic Mushrooms' May Permanently Alter Personality

SIZE MATTERS!

SOME PEOPLE DESERVE 30 LASHES FOR THEIR DRIVING

Saudi woman to get 10 lashes for driving a car

DAMN THOSE MILLIONAIRES!!!!

Updated: Mon., Sep. 26, 2011, 3:01 AM

Plague of the pesky millionaires

By FRANK J. FLEMING

Last Updated:3:01 AM, September 26, 2011

Posted:10:43 PM, September 25, 2011

President Obama has proposed a new tax on millionaires. You’re probably thinking the same thing I am: Will this be enough to let millionaires know how much we despise them? I’m afraid not.

When the recession first hit, we knew millionaires were the culprits. They’re always behind the problems in this country. Many of us can barely sleep at night knowing that millionaires are lurking out there with hearts full of evil and pockets full of money.

Most honest men are careful to never let their net worth get anywhere near seven digits, but not millionaires. They use dark tricks like “saving” and “investing” to make their money grow to unnatural levels. It’s time someone put a stop to it!

Some say that we should just ignore the millionaires -- that they don’t harm us. Such people are naive fools, because millionaires ruin our way of life. In these tight financial times, they’ve already taken all the good jobs.

How many times have you applied to be a CEO to find that the position has already been filled by some millionaire?

And then they come into our neighborhoods, flashing their riches and stealing our women. Who knows what else they’ll do given free reign?

I saw this horror movie -- I forget the name -- where a billionaire dressed up as a bat and beat up poor people. How far is that from reality? Probably not far enough. In the least, I’m sure millionaires spend their evenings sitting in their Rolls Royces or dirigibles, hugging their bags of money, while pointing and laughing at our small bank accounts.

Read more:http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/plague_of_the_pesky_millionaires_uu2Xqa1lQkt7dpk4rsvGLJ#ixzz1Z4UxsXmM

PRACTICAL EXAMPLE HOW THE HUMAN MIND WORKS

In the picture above, we will analyze what it represents to some groups of people.Read the review after the photo…-

For young men, it’s a nice ass. Only the most observant will define this as an ass crossing the street. The really observant will see the thong.- For older men, it is a respectable woman with a nice ass crossing the street.- The perverts will imagine her as a naked woman.- The wise men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer in the face of such beauty and gratitude that it was shared with humanity.- For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.- The other half is wondering where she bought that blouse.- The wise women imagine the misery that this will be at 50.- Children, the curious, and monks will probably notice a dog driving the taxi..Don’t be alarmed, I didn’t see the dog either.

SO THERE! virtual monkeys are close to re-creating the complete works of Shakespeare

A running total of how well they are doing shows that the re-creation is 99.990% complete.

The first single work to be completed was the poem A Lover's Complaint.

Set up by US programmer Jesse Anderson the project co-ordinates the virtual monkeys sitting on Amazon's EC2 cloud computing system via a home PC. FULL STORY HERE

HYSTERIA

VIAGRA!

JEFF GORDON FIRES PIT CREW

JEFF GORDON FIRES PIT CREW Raleigh , NC: Jeff Gordon announced today that he was firing his entire pit crew. This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of President Obama's scheme to employ Harlem youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with thousands of dollars' worth of high tech equipment. It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team, as most races are won or lost in the pits. However, Gordon got more than he bargained for. At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had changed the paint scheme, altered the VIN number, and sold the car to Kyle Busch for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.

LIGHT SABER FIGHT IN DA HOOD

LOOK, MA, NO TELEPROMPTER!!

LET THEM EAT…CARP!

CHICAGO (The Blaze/AP) — From one of the most invasive aquatic species in the country to special of the day, Illinois officials see a use for Asian carp that will kill two birds — or carp rather — with one stone.

With record numbers of people in the region facing hunger, Asian carp could soon fill their bellies while also helping prevent the exponentially growing carp population from reaching the Great Lakes — if it hasn’t snuck through already.

LET THEM EAT…CARP? ILLINOIS CONSIDERS FEEDING THE POOR WITH INVASIVE FISH

SAY IT ISN"T SO!!!!

One Night I Found Myself

In a nightmare I found myself nude in bed

looking at a mirror on the ceiling. I saw I

was a circumcised Negro.

I quickly sat up, found my pants and looked

for my drivers license photo. I was the same

color - black. I was sitting in a chair very

depressed, downcast.

But it is a wheelchair.

Of course that means besides being black

and Jewish I am also disabled. I said aloud:

This is impossible. Impossible that I should

be black, Jewish and disabled.

'It Is The Pure Holy Truth' whispers someone

behind me.

I turn around. It is my boyfriend.

Just what I needed. I am homosexual and

on top of that have a Mexican boyfriend.

Oh my God. Black, Jewish, disabled, gay,

a Mexican boyfriend, and I am an HIV

positive drug addict.

Desperate I begin to shout, cry, pull my

hair. Oh no. I am bald.

The telephone rings. It is my brother.

He is saying: Since mom and dad died

the only thing you do is hang out, do drugs

and laze around all day doing nothing. Get

a job you worthless piece of crap. Any job.

Mom. Dad. No. No. Now I am also an out

of work orphan.

I try to explain to my brother how hard it

is to find a job when you are black, Jewish,

disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend,

and a drug addict, HIV positive, bald and

an orphan. But he does not get it.

Frustrated, I hang up. It is then I realize

I have only one hand. With tears in my

eyes I go to the window to look out. I see

I live in a shanty town full of cardboard

and tin houses. There is trash everywhere.

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my

pacemaker. Pacemaker?

Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a

fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug

addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned,

unemployed, an invalid with one hand and

a bad heart, I live in a slum neighborhood.

At that moment my boyfriend approaches

and says.

Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heart

throb, have you decided what you are going

to wear to Washington to see Obama?

Say it is not so. I can handle being a black

disabled, one armed, drug addicted, Jewish

homosexual on a pacemaker who is bald,

HIV positive, orphaned, unemployed, lives

in a slum and has a Mexican boyfriend.

But please.

Oh dear God please tell me I am not a

Democrat.

LOOKS LIKE OBAMA'S SOLYNDRA PROJECT IS PROVIDING JOBS

Attorneys, FBI Agents......

Solyndra Inc.'s chief executive and chief financial officer will invoke their 5th Amendment rights and not answer questions during a Friday hearing before a House investigative committee, their attorneys said.

KFC HILLARY SPECIAL

Alien Invasion Imminent

Is an alien invasion imminent? The past six weeks have seen a spike in UFO sightings in the United States, according to an organization that tracks reports of unidentified flying objects.

The Mutual UFO Network (MUFON) reports that there were 1,013 such sightings in August, up from an average of about 500 per month nationwide. CLICK TO READ

DON'T ASK ENDS

GRATITUDE!

Have you ever seen one of our military walking past you and wanted to convey

to them your thanks, but weren't sure how or it felt awkward?

Recently, a gentleman from Seattle created a gesture which could be used and

has started a movement to get the word out.

Please everybody take just a moment to watch.... The Gratitude Campaign;

.......and then forward it to your friends! THEN START USING THE SIGN.

THE CUP CHOIR

WOMEN END 40 YEAR CIVIL WAR

JACKALOPE

Suck It and See

Escargot!

Miami authorities are struggling to wipe out an invasion of Giant African Snails that are munching on plants and proliferating wildly, the Miami Herald reports. Last week, a pair of sisters tipped off officials to the slimy creatures, which can grow up to 10 inches long by 4 inches wide, and lay roughly 1,200 eggs a year. “I had never seen anything like it,” says one, who tired of seeing the pests. “It was quite incredible.”

Miami Battles Giant Snail Invasion

BE LUCKY!

What Lucky People Do Differently than Unlucky People

What makes a person lucky? Often it's less about actual luck than it is about a person's general outlook. Here's why.

Former Wall Street Journal and Fortune writer Erik Calonius points to a fascinating study by a psychologist Richard Wiseman. Wiseman surveyed a bunch of people to find out who considered themselves lucky or unlucky, then performed a very interesting test:

[Wiseman] gave both the "lucky" and the "unlucky" people a newspaper and asked them to look through it and tell him how many photographs were inside. He found that on average the unlucky people took two minutes to count all the photographs, whereas the lucky ones determined the number in a few seconds. CLICK FOR REST OF STORY

NEW BRA!

Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women’s breasts
from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and thankfully kicked the shit out of him.

ELDERLY

An elderly gentleman....
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect..
Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,
'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup,
the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty..'
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly,
painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now , before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh !!

WATSON TO SAVE LIVES!!

IBM ( IBM - news - people )'s supercomputer system, best known for trouncing the world's best "Jeopardy!" players on TV, is being tapped by one of the nation's largest health insurers to help diagnose medical problems and authorize treatments.

WellPoint ( WLP - news - people ) Inc., which has 34.2 million members, will integrate Watson's lightning speed and deep health care database into its existing patient information, helping it choose among treatment options and medicines. CLICK FOR FULL STORY
.

In Case You Were Left Behind..

Have You Been Left Behind? from Rem Lezar on Vimeo.

SEPTEMBER POLITICARTS