WORDS OF WISDOM 012122

Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine . .

They say we can have gatherings with up to eight people without issues.  I don't even know eight people without issues.

Theme parks can snap a crystal clear picture of you on a roller coaster going 70 mph, but bank cameras can't get a clear shot of a robber standing still.

Someone posted that they had just made synonym buns.  I replied "you mean just like the ones that grammar used to make?"  I am now blocked.

Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers . . . if you do find one, what's your plan?

The more I get to know people, the more I realize why Noah only let animals on the ark.

Facial recognition software can pick a person out of a crowd but the vending machine at work can't recognize a dollar bill with a bent corner.

When all this pandemic stuff is over, I still plan to wear a mask.  It hides the perpetual look of annoyance I have for most people.

My train of thought derailed.  There were no survivors.

If you see someone buying candy, popcorn and a soda at the movies, they must be a drug dealer.  There's no other explanation for that type of income.

After a year of this pandemic, I'm either going out for ice cream or to commit a felony.  I'll decide in the car.

I know it's time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it's an extra passenger who isn't wearing a seat belt.

In the 1950s I fell off my bike and hurt my knee.  I'm telling you this now because we didn't have social media then.

Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters.  Nine horrible, worthless, baconless years

I still have a full deck, I just shuffle slower.