HERE IS THE WASHINGTON POST'S MENSA INVITATIONAL CONTEST WHICH ONCE AGAIN ASKED READERS TO TAKE ANY WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY, ALTER IT BY ADDING, SUBTRACTING, OR CHANGING ONLY ONE LETTER, AND SUPPLY A NEW DEFINITION.
HERE ARE THE WINNERS:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Belief that one will come back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The subs tance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11 . Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?20And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. A rachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
THE WASHINGTON POST HAS ALSO PUBLISHED THE WINNING UBMISSIONS TO ITS YEARLY CONTEST, IN WHICH READERS ARE ASKED TO SUPPLY ALTERNATE MEANINGS FOR COMMON WORDS... AND THE WINNERS ARE:
1. coffee, n. the person u pon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehi cle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. pokemon , n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
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Actually, there isn't any "Mensa Invitational," but The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And two Invitational contests from 1998 are the sources of many of the neologisms in the list above. (But not all: For example, "decafalon" isn't a one-letter change from "decathlon," is it? Or "caterpallor"?)
ReplyDeleteMuch better to see the the current Invitational -- every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. We've had more than 600 contests since the ones above! The Style Invitational is published every Saturday in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time. There are neologism contests regularly, but also lots of other sources of humor as well.
For example, here are the top winners of our March 20 neologism contest: Every word had to include a block of three consecutive letters of the alphabet — backward.
Flingpong: Having your own affair to get even with a cheating spouse. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Burpon: Carbonated whiskey. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)
Zyxzag: Path created during a DWI test when the cop makes you walk 20 steps while reciting the alphabet in reverse. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
As for other kinds of humor, the newest results (April 3, 2010) are for jokes in the form of "You can ___, but you can't ____" and three other forms.
Among the winners:
If they can train puppies to use the newspaper, why can't they train yuppies to use the newspaper? (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
You can rest in a courtroom, but you can't court in a restroom. -- Larry Craig (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)
You can love your fellow man in Virginia, but you can't send out invitations. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)
If they can create a thin, pocket-size, touch-screen-enabled e-mailer/Internet browser/game machine/organizer/cellphone, why can't they create a cancel button in an elevator? (Ari Unikoski, Tel Aviv)
See the rest of the winners and learn how to enter the new contest -- to "breed" two horses from a list of names and name the "foal" -- at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can become a fan of "Washington Post Style" on Facebook (go to facebook.com/wapostyle ) and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.
Best,
The Empress of The Style Invitational
The Washington Post
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