Twilight: We've watched all five films so you don't have to!

Awkward, lip-biting teenager Bella Swan moves to Forks, Washington, where she falls in love with mysterious, moody, tan-averse Edward Cullen. Who turns out to be a vampire! But, y'know, a vegetarian one: he only eats animals. Edward and his foster brothers and sisters (who, er, also date each other: go with it) protect Bella when some evil vampires turn up. After smelling her. Sexy.

Lessons learned ...