Tuesday, March 28, 2017


You are in the middle of some home projects:
putting in a new fence, painting the porch,
planting some flowers and fixing a broken door
lock.You are hot and sweaty, covered with dirt,
lawn clippings and paint. You have your old
work clothes on. You know the outfit -- shorts
with a hole in the crotch, an old T-shirt with a
stain from who-knows-what, and an old pair of
tennis shoes. Right in the middle of these tasks
you realize that you need to run to Home Depot
for supplies. Depending on your age you might do
the following:

_In your 20s:_Stop what you are doing. Shave,
take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your
teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check
yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of
your favorite cologne because, you never know,
you just might meet some hot chick while
standing in the checkout line. And yes, you
went to school with the pretty girl running the

_In your 30s:_Stop what you are doing, put on
clean shorts and shirt. Change your shoes. You
married the hot chick so no need for much else.
Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check
yourself in the mirror. Still got it! Add a shot
of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.
The cute girl running the register is the kid
sister of someone you went to school with.

_In your 40s: _Stop what you are doing. Put on
a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the
hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on
different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands.
Your bottle of Brut is almost empty, so don't
waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check
yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in
than flexing. The hot young thing running the
register is your daughter's age and you feel
weird about thinking she's spicy.

_In your 50s: _Stop what you are doing. Put on
a hat. Wipe the dirt off your hands onto your
shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to
get dog crap in your new sports car. Check
yourself in the mirror and swear not to wear
that shirt anymore because it makes you look
fat. The cutie running the register smiles when
she sees you coming and you think you still have
it. Then you remember -- the hat you have on is
from Bubba's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I
Got Worms '

_In your 60s: _Stop what you are doing. No need
for a hat any more. Hose the dog crap off your
shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in
your 50s. You hope you have underwear on so
nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The
girl running the register may be cute but you
don't have your glasses on, so you're not sure.

_In your 70s: _Stop what you are doing. Wait to
go to Home Depot until you call the drug store
to have your prescriptions ready for pick too
and check your grocery list for a quick stop
there. Got to save trips! Don't even notice the
dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the
register stares at you and you realize your
balls are hanging out the hole in your crotch…
who cares.

_In your 80s: _Stop what you are doing. Start
again. Then stop again. Now you remember you
need to go to Home Depot. You go to Wal-Mart
instead. You went to school with the old lady
greeter. You wander around trying to remember
what you are looking for. Then you fart out loud
and turn around thinking someone called your name.

_In your 90s & beyond: _What's a home deep hoe?
Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I?
Why am I reading this?

Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?

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