Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Evil Publix possession
Evil Publix possession -Just got back from Publix. One of those damn Publix Key Lime pies jumped into my cart and followed me home. I protested much and tried to cast it out but its evil prevailed- I was powerless against its will. I was able to wrestle it out of sight and into the fridge for now. I'm upstairs struggling to resist but I can hear it calling to me hauntingly- I'll be cursed with consuming it sooner or later. It's like fresh brains to a zombie.
You may be a Muslim
Foxworthy at his best ...
You may be a Muslim if:
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. You may be a Muslim
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. You may be a Muslim
3. You have more wives than teeth. You may be a Muslim
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean. You may be a Muslim
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. You may be a Muslim
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against. You may be a Muslim
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. You may be a Muslim
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. You may be a Muslim
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four. You may be a Muslim
10. Your cousin is president of the United States . You may be a Muslim
11. You find this offensive or racist and don't forward it. You may be a Muslim
You may be a Muslim if:
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. You may be a Muslim
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. You may be a Muslim
3. You have more wives than teeth. You may be a Muslim
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean. You may be a Muslim
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. You may be a Muslim
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against. You may be a Muslim
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. You may be a Muslim
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. You may be a Muslim
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four. You may be a Muslim
10. Your cousin is president of the United States . You may be a Muslim
11. You find this offensive or racist and don't forward it. You may be a Muslim
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Three Questions
by a famous author
It once occurred to a certain king, that if he always knew the right time to begin everything; if he knew who were the right people to listen to, and whom to avoid; and, above all, if he always knew what was the most important thing to do, he would never fail in anything he might undertake.
It once occurred to a certain king, that if he always knew the right time to begin everything; if he knew who were the right people to listen to, and whom to avoid; and, above all, if he always knew what was the most important thing to do, he would never fail in anything he might undertake.
And this thought having occurred to him, he had it proclaimed throughout his kingdom that he would give a great reward to any one who would teach him what was the right time for every action, and who were the most necessary people, and how he might know what was the most important thing to do.
And learned men came to the King, but they all answered his questions differently.
In reply to the first question, some said that to know the right time for every action, one must draw up in advance, a table of days, months and years, and must live strictly according to it. Only thus, said they, could everything be done at its proper time. Others declared that it was impossible to decide beforehand the right time for every action; but that, not letting oneself be
absorbed in idle pastimes, one should always attend to all that was going on, and then do what was most needful. Others, again, said that however attentive the King might be to what was going on, it was impossible for one man to decide correctly the right time for every action, but that he should have a Council of wise men, who would help him to fix the proper time for everything.
But then again others said there were some things which could not wait to be laid before a Council, but about which one had at once to decide whether to undertake them or not. But in order to decide that, one must know beforehand what was going to happen. It is only magicians who know that; and, therefore, in order to know the right time for every action, one must consult magicians.
Equally various were the answers to the second question. Some said, the people the King most needed were his councillors; others, the priests; others, the doctors; while some said the warriors were the most necessary.
To the third question, as to what was the most important occupation: some replied that the most important thing in the world was science. Others said it was skill in warfare; and others, again, that it was religious worship.
All the answers being different, the King agreed with none of them, and gave the reward to none. But still wishing to find the right answers to his questions, he decided to consult a hermit, widely
renowned for his wisdom.
The hermit lived in a wood which he never quitted, and he received none but common folk. So the King put on simple clothes, and before reaching the hermit's cell dismounted from his horse, and, leaving his body-guard behind, went on alone.
When the King approached, the hermit was digging the ground in front of his hut. Seeing the King, he greeted him and went on digging. The hermit was frail and weak, and each time he stuck his spade into the ground and turned a little earth, he breathed heavily.
The King went up to him and said: "I have come to you, wise hermit, to ask you to answer three questions: How can I learn to do the right thing at the right time? Who are the people I most need, and to whom should I, therefore, pay more attention than to the rest? And, what affairs are the most important, and need my first attention?"
The hermit listened to the King, but answered nothing. He just spat on his hand and recommenced digging.
"You are tired," said the King, "let me take the spade and work awhile for you."
"Thanks!" said the hermit, and, giving the spade to the King, he sat down on the ground.
When he had dug two beds, the King stopped and repeated his questions. The hermit again gave no answer, but rose, stretched out his hand for the spade, and said:
"Now rest awhile-and let me work a bit."
But the King did not give him the spade, and continued to dig. One hour passed, and another. The sun began to sink behind the trees, and the King at last stuck the spade into the ground, and said:
"I came to you, wise man, for an answer to my questions. If you can give me none, tell me so, and I will return home."
"Here comes some one running," said the hermit, "let us see who it is."
The King turned round, and saw a bearded man come running out of the wood. The man held his hands pressed against his stomach, and blood was flowing from under them. When he reached the King, he fell fainting on the ground moaning feebly. The King and the hermit unfastened the man's clothing. There was a large wound in his stomach. The King washed it as best he could, and bandaged it with his handkerchief and with a towel the hermit had. But the blood would not stop flowing, and the King again and again removed the bandage soaked with warm blood, and washed and rebandaged the wound. When at last the blood ceased flowing, the man revived and asked for something to drink. The King brought fresh water and gave it to him. Meanwhile the sun had set, and it had become cool. So the King, with the hermit's help, carried the wounded man into the hut and laid him on the bed. Lying on the bed the man closed his eyes and was quiet; but the King was so tired with his walk and with the work he had done, that he crouched down on the threshold, and also fell asleep--so soundly that he slept all through the short summer night. When he awoke in the morning, it was long before he could remember where he was, or who was the strange bearded man lying on the bed and gazing intently at him with shining eyes.
"Forgive me!" said the bearded man in a weak voice, when he saw that the King was awake and was looking at him.
"I do not know you, and have nothing to forgive you for," said the King.
"You do not know me, but I know you. I am that enemy of yours who swore to revenge himself on you, because you executed his brother and seized his property. I knew you had gone alone to see the hermit, and I resolved to kill you on your way back. But the day passed and you did not return. So I came out from my ambush to find you, and I came upon your bodyguard, and they recognized me, and wounded me. I escaped from them, but should have bled to death had you not dressed my wound. I wished to kill you, and you have saved my life. Now, if I live, and if you wish it, I will serve you as your most faithful slave, and will bid my sons do the same. Forgive me!"
The King was very glad to have made peace with his enemy so easily, and to have gained him for a friend, and he not only forgave him, but said he would send his servants and his own physician to attend him, and promised to restore his property.
Having taken leave of the wounded man, the King went out into the porch and looked around for the hermit. Before going away he wished once more to beg an answer to the questions he had put. The hermit was outside, on his knees, sowing seeds in the beds that had been dug the day before.
The King approached him, and said:
"For the last time, I pray you to answer my questions, wise man."
"You have already been answered!" said the hermit, still crouching on his thin legs, and looking up at the King, who stood before him.
"How answered? What do you mean?" asked the King.
"Do you not see," replied the hermit. "If you had not pitied my weakness yesterday, and had not dug those beds for me, but had gone your way, that man would have attacked you, and you would have repented of not having stayed with me. So the most important time was when you were digging the beds; and I was the most important man; and to do me good was your most important business. Afterwards when that man ran to us, the most important time was when you were attending to him, for if you had not bound up his wounds he would have died without having made peace with you. So he was the most important man, and what you did for him was your most important business. Remember then: there is only one time that is important--
Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. The most necessary man is he with whom you are, for no man knows whether he will ever have dealings with any one else: and the most important affair is, to do him good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life!"
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Rachel Maddow- MOONBAT ALERT!
Who'd talk to her anyway? One point is, anyone who invested in the market when it crashed in 2008 would have doubled or tripled their money by now. If people retiring now had started investing in the stock market in 1965, when they entered their work career, instead of SSA they'd typically have an account of over $1million to retire on now but then seniors are too stupid to manage their investments.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Obama may be in deep stuff
He may have stepped in it now http://redwhitebluenews.com/?p=7581
Obama may be in deep trouble… Chief Justice John Roberts, U.S. Supreme Court
By Rebel Rouser from Texas
According to sources who watch the inner workings of the federal government, a smackdown of Barack Obama by the U.S. Supreme Court may be inevitable. Ever since Obama assumed the office of President, critics have hammered him on a number of Constitutional issues.
Critics have complained that much, if not all of Obama’s major initiatives run headlong into Constitutional roadblocks on the power of the federal government.
Obama certainly did not help himself in the eyes of the Court when he used the venue of the State of the Union address early in the year to publicly flog the Court over its ruling that the First Amendment grants the right to various organizations to run political ads during the time of an election.
The tongue-lashing clearly did not sit well with the Court, as demonstrated by Justice Sam Alito, who publicly shook his head and stated under his breath, ‘That’s not true,’ when Obama told a flat-out lie concerning the Court’s ruling.
As it has turned out, this was a watershed moment in the relationship between the executive and the judicial branches of the federal government. Obama publicly declared war on the court, even as he blatantly continued to propose legislation that flies in the face of every known Constitutional principle upon which this nation has stood for over 200 years.
Obama has even identified Chief Justice John Roberts as his number one enemy, that is, apart from Fox News and Rush Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity, and so on.
And it is no accident that the one swing-vote on the court, Justice Anthony Kennedy, stated recently that he has no intention of retiring until ‘Obama is gone.’
Apparently, the Court has had enough.
The Roberts Court has signaled, in a very subtle manner, of course, that it intends to address the issues about which Obama critics have been screaming to high heaven.
A ruling against Obama on any one of these important issues could potentially cripple the Administration.
Such a thing would be long overdue.
First, there is ObamaCare, which violates the Constitutional principle barring the federal government from forcing citizens to purchase something.
And no, this is not the same thing as states requiring drivers to purchase car insurance, as some of the intellectually-impaired claim.
The Constitution limits FEDERAL government, not state governments, from such things, and further, not everyone has to drive, and thus, a citizen could opt not to purchase car insurance by simply deciding not to drive a vehicle.
In the ObamaCare world, however, no citizen can ‘opt out.’
Second, sources state that the Roberts court has quietly accepted information concerning discrepancies in Obama’s history that raise serious questions about his eligibility for the office of President.
The charge goes far beyond the birth certificate issue. This information involves possible fraudulent use of a Social Security number in Connecticut, while Obama was a high school student in Hawaii.
And that is only the tip of the iceberg.
Third, several cases involving possible criminal activity, conflicts of interest, and pay-for-play cronyism could potentially land many Administration officials, if not Obama himself, in hot water with the Court.
Frankly, in the years this writer has observed politics, nothing comes close to comparing with the rampant corruption of this Administration, not even during the Nixon years.
Nixon and the Watergate conspirators look like choirboys compared to the jokers that populate this Administration.
In addition, the Court will eventually be forced to rule on the dreadful decision of the Obama DOJ suing the state of Arizona.
That, too, could send the Obama doctrine of open borders to an early grave, given that the Administration refuses to enforce federal law on illegal aliens.
And finally, the biggie that could potentially send the entire house of cards tumbling in a free-fall is the latest revelation concerning the Obama-Holder Department of Justice and its refusal to pursue the New Black Panther Party.
The group was caught on tape committing felonies by attempting to intimidate Caucasian voters into staying away from the polls.
A whistle-blower who resigned from the DOJ is now charging Holder with the deliberate refusal to pursue cases against blacks, particularly those who are involved in radical hate-groups, such as the New Black Panthers, who have been caught on tape calling for the murder of white people and their babies.
This one is a biggie that could send the entire Administration crumbling — that is, if the Justices have the guts to draw a line in the sand at the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.
Monday, October 25, 2010
H.R. 4646: Debt Free America Act
The following summary was written by the Congressional Research Service, a well-respected nonpartisan arm of the Library of Congress. GovTrack did not write and has no control over these summaries.
2/23/2010--Introduced.
Debt Free America Act - States as purposes of this Act the raising of sufficient revenue from a fee on transactions to eliminate the national debt within seven years and the phasing out of the individual income tax. Amends the Internal Revenue Code to impose a 1% fee, offset by a corresponding nonrefundable income tax credit, on transactions that use a payment instrument, including any check, cash, credit card, transfer of stock, bonds, or other financial instrument. Defines "transaction" to include retail and wholesale sales, purchases of intermediate goods, and financial and intangible transactions. Establishes in the legislative branch the Bipartisan Task Force for Responsible Fiscal Action to review the fiscal imbalance of the federal government and make recommendations to improve such imbalance. Provides for expedited consideration by Congress of Task Force recommendations. Repeals after 2017 the individual income tax, refundable and nonrefundable personal tax credits, and the alternative minimum tax (AMT) on individuals. Directs the Secretary of the Treasury to: (1) prioritize the repayment of the national debt to protect the fiscal stability of the United States; and (2) study and report to Congress on the implementation of this Act.
H.R. 4646:Debt Free America Act
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Texas Declares War on the USA!
President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, President Obama," a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at the Joe’s Crab Shack, Houston Texas,I'm callin' to tell y’all that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well, Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news. How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there’smyself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow!" said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well, sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above," said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We upan' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tellyou Archie, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And, since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have at call you back." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Obama. I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had along chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just noway we can feed two million prisoners."
TEXAS CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN.
"Hello, President Obama," a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at the Joe’s Crab Shack, Houston Texas,I'm callin' to tell y’all that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well, Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news. How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there’smyself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow!" said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well, sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above," said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We upan' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tellyou Archie, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And, since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have at call you back." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Obama. I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had along chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just noway we can feed two million prisoners."
TEXAS CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN.
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours with wet poopy pants?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway...
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Why, Why, Why Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
A FAVORITE........ The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Relationships
One of my favorites From Prairie Home Companion
OK, in case you don't figure it out right away:
DB plays Roger after the opening statement
SS plays Elaine
GK(Garrison Keillor) is the commenter
Relationships Saturday, June 14, 1997
DB: Contrary to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the term relationship.
GK: Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and without really thinking, she says it aloud:
SS: Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?
GK: And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She's thinking...
SS (INTERIOR: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.)
GK: And Roger is thinking...
DB (INTERIOR: Gosh. Six months.)
GK: And Elaine is thinking...
SS: (But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at the level of intimacy? Are we heading toward Marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?)
GK: And Roger is thinking...
DB: (...so that means it was... let's see . . .February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . ..Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.)
GK: And Elaine is thinking...
SS: (He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings: He's afraid of being rejected.)
GK: And Roger is thinking...
DB: (And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's eighty-seven degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck!)
GK: And Elaine is thinking...
SS: (He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.)
GK: And Roger is thinking...
DB: (They'll probably say it's only a ninety-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.)
GK: And Elaine is thinking...
SS: (Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.)
GK: And Roger is thinking...
DB: (Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty!)
GK: Finally, Elaine, unable to stand it any longer, speaks:
SS: Roger
DB: What?
SS: Please don't torture yourself like this. (STARTING TO CRY) Maybe I should never have . . . O God, I feel so . . . (BREAK DOWN SOBBING)
DB: What?
SS: I'm such a fool. (STILL SOBBING) I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.
DB: There's no horse?
SS: You think I'm a fool, don't you.
DB: No!
SS: It's just that . . . It's that I . . .I need some time.
GK: There is a long pause as Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally, he comes up with one that he thinks might work.
DB: Yes.
GK: Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand...
SS: Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?
DB: What way?
SS: That way about time.
DB: Oh. Yes.
GK: Elaine gazes into Roger's eyes, causing him to become very concerned about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse.
SS: Thank you, Roger.
DB: Thank you.
GK: Then Roger takes Elaine home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he has never heard of.
DB: A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.
GK: Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's will pause just before serving, frown, and say
DB: Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?
© 1997 by Dave Barry
Relationships Saturday, June 14, 1997
DB: Contrary to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the term relationship.
GK: Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and without really thinking, she says it aloud:
SS: Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?
GK: And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She's thinking...
SS (INTERIOR: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.)
GK: And Roger is thinking...
DB (INTERIOR: Gosh. Six months.)
GK: And Elaine is thinking...
SS: (But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at the level of intimacy? Are we heading toward Marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?)
GK: And Roger is thinking...
DB: (...so that means it was... let's see . . .February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . ..Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.)
GK: And Elaine is thinking...
SS: (He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings: He's afraid of being rejected.)
GK: And Roger is thinking...
DB: (And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's eighty-seven degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck!)
GK: And Elaine is thinking...
SS: (He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.)
GK: And Roger is thinking...
DB: (They'll probably say it's only a ninety-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.)
GK: And Elaine is thinking...
SS: (Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.)
GK: And Roger is thinking...
DB: (Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty!)
GK: Finally, Elaine, unable to stand it any longer, speaks:
SS: Roger
DB: What?
SS: Please don't torture yourself like this. (STARTING TO CRY) Maybe I should never have . . . O God, I feel so . . . (BREAK DOWN SOBBING)
DB: What?
SS: I'm such a fool. (STILL SOBBING) I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.
DB: There's no horse?
SS: You think I'm a fool, don't you.
DB: No!
SS: It's just that . . . It's that I . . .I need some time.
GK: There is a long pause as Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally, he comes up with one that he thinks might work.
DB: Yes.
GK: Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand...
SS: Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?
DB: What way?
SS: That way about time.
DB: Oh. Yes.
GK: Elaine gazes into Roger's eyes, causing him to become very concerned about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse.
SS: Thank you, Roger.
DB: Thank you.
GK: Then Roger takes Elaine home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he has never heard of.
DB: A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.
GK: Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's will pause just before serving, frown, and say
DB: Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?
© 1997 by Dave Barry
Stuff I Think You Should Know
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb..
(Now that's more like it !)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out of the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.... ...)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light..
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig?? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.
In other words, send it to everyone!
(and God I love that pig!)
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb..
(Now that's more like it !)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out of the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.... ...)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light..
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig?? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.
In other words, send it to everyone!
(and God I love that pig!)
I gave!
| A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Miami Nothing Is Moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened, what's the hold Up?' 'Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid,Whoopi Goldburg, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 Million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.' The driver asks, 'On average, how much is everyone giving?' 'About a gallon' |
Friday, October 22, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Obama briefed by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
Scene 1 – Barry Hussein Obama is being briefed by his Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in the Oval Office.
Barry: Hillary! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Hillary: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
Barry: Great. Lay it on me.
Hillary: Xi is the new leader of China.
Barry: Who is?
Hillary: No. Hu is the current leader.
Barry: So what I'm asking you is who is the new leader of China?
Hillary: Xi is.
Barry: I mean her name.
Hillary: Her name? Who?
Barry: The new leader of China.
Hillary: The new leader of China is a guy.
Barry: She’s a guy?
Hillary: Of course Xi’s a guy. Hu’s retiring.
Barry: Now whaddya' asking me who’s retiring?
Hillary: I'm telling you Hu is retiring.
Barry: Well, I asked you first, but I don’t care who’s retiring. You’re telling me she’s a guy? Leading China?
Hillary: Yes. I told you. Xi is the new leader.
Barry: Great! Does she have a name?
Hillary: I have been telling you over and over. Look, maybe this is a little complex for you. I’ll just leave you the report. [a door slams]
Barry: Bitch! I’ll bet she’s a guy too!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
AKA Obama
No evidence of Hawaiian birth for AKA Obama. What about Kenya? 17.09.2010 10:33
Obama's 'Certification of Live Birth' form reveals his Birth Registration was FILED in 1961 but was never fully ACCEPTED by the Hawaiian State Registrar's Office.
Hawaii is covering this up for political reasons to protect Obama. Only they know the ultimate reasons they are all willing to commit Misprision of Felony at this point in time given the mounting evidence that Obama was not physically born in Hawaii. Obama may have amended his record since 1961 to try to reinforce and cover up the original fraudulent filing. But his online COLB clearly shows that when it was FILED it was never finally ACCEPTED. This is a national disgrace that our entire system of laws including the Constitution and all legal records are being subverted and subordinated to cover up for Obama's continued fraud on the nation as to his true legal identity. What is so important about this one man that Hawaii is willing to see the nation destroyed by his corruption and lies from birth by his family and continued on all his life by Obama. The man is a grifter and conman. See this catalog of evidence that shows by the preponderance of the evidence that Hawaii and the nation are the victims of birth registration fraud by Obama's family in 1961: http://puzo1.blogspot.com/2010/05/catalog-of-evidence-concerned-americans.html
4. NO EVIDENCE OF A HAWAIIAN BIRTH FOR AKA OBAMA - WHAT ABOUT KENYA?
As for AKA Obama's birth in Kenya we hear this from attorney Mario Apuzzo "We have not heard from one international, federal, state, or local police or security agency that Obama's birth place has been officially confirmed.
An Investigator working for Philip Berg, Esq. learned the following which is contained in the investigator's affidavit dated October 30, 2008, that was filed with a Federal District Court in the case of Berg v. Obama, O8-cv-04083: Obama's step-grandmother, Sarah Obama, told Bishop McRae, who was in the United States, during a telephonic interview on October 12, 2008, while she was in her home located in Alego-Kogello, Kenya, that was full of security police and people and family who were celebrating then-Senator Obama's success story, that she witnessed Obama's birth in Kenya, not the United States (the English and Swahili conversation is recorded and available for listening). She was adamant about this fact not once but twice. The conversation which was placed on speaker phone was translated into English by "Kweli Shuhubia" and one of the grandmother's grandsons who were present with the grandmother in the house. After the grandmother made the same statement twice her grandson intervened, saying "No, No, No, He was born in the United States." During the interview, the grandmother never changed her reply that she was present when Obama was born in Kenya. The fact that later in the same interview she change her statement to say that Obama was born in Hawaii does not change the fact that she at first stated twice that she was present when Obama was born in Kenya. I cannot imagine a grandmother not knowing whether she was present or not at the birth of her American Senator and U.S. Presidential candidate grandson.
The investigator then personally went to the hospital in Mombassa, Kenya. He spoke with the Provincial Civil Registrar and he learned that there were records of Ann Dunham giving birth to "Barack Hussein Obama, III" in Mombassa, Kenya on August 4, 1961. The investigator then "spoke directly with an Official, the Principal Registrar, who openly confirmed the birthing records of Senator Barack H. Obama, Jr. and his mother were present, however, the file on Barack H. Obama, Jr. was classified and profiled. The Official explained Barack Hussein Obama, Jr. [sic] birth in Kenya is top secret. [H]e was further instructed to go to the Attorney General's Office and to the Minister in Charge of Immigration if [he] wanted further information."
It is alleged that the Kenyan government authorities have refused to cooperate and have thwarted all efforts by anyone to obtain any documents concerning Obama."
That is a real mind bender. Let's see; AKA Obama wasn't born in Kenya but his birth place is declared to be "top secret" by Kenyan officials. There are no records of AKA Obama being born in Kenya and those nonexistent records are being withheld and are "top secret". That sounds so much like what the official position of AKA Obama could be; "I have nothing to hide but I'm hiding it."
5. THE CRUX OF THE LEGAL STRAW THAT CAN BREAK AKA OBAMA'S BACK
Another piece of information that many fail to realize is that in the birth certificate cases, all that is needed is for the case to be heard. This case will be over in the "Discovery" phase. Before a trial starts, both sides are required by the court to put all their cards on the table to avoid "trial by ambush." The judge orders all evidence to be presented by both sides. Since this case is about discovering documents that are hidden, the case will be decided by court-ordered presentation of all relevant records. Lawyers in birth certificate cases don't need to win a trial; they only need to get a trial.
For those of you who think ridicule and name calling are effective debate tactics, I refer your kool-aid drenched, tin foil protected brains (a dose of your own medicine) to this article from American Thinker: Why the Barack Obama Birth Certificate Issue Is Legitimate .
6. ENOUGH ON THE HIDDEN BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND FORGED DOCUMENTS. WHAT IF AKA OBAMA WAS ACTUALLY BORN IN HAWAII?
What about the legal team that is keeping AKA OBAMA's college records hidden? Several people probably know what they are hiding. The best guess as to what is so secret isn't likely to be bad grades. More likely his admission papers will say he was a foreign student, or that he was receiving financial aid as a foreign student. How many people do you estimate already know what is on AKA OBAMA's college documents? Those records were handled routinely for more than 20 years. How many personnel in the registrar's offices of Occidental College, Columbia University, and Harvard University have seen AKA OBAMA's records and know what is in them? How many of those people would be willing to talk about it, or maybe even "leak" just one sheet of paper that would put even more cracks in AKA OBAMA's mirror? Is that number likely to be zero? Do you think that AKA OBAMA worries about how many people know something that could destroy his career? Fear of being "found out" is an obsession for NPD types. The Cost to hide Obama's past now 1.35 million.
7. THE CATELOG OF HIDDEN DOCUMENTS FROM AKA OBAMA'S PAST
So far we have only talked about the original birth certificate, supposedly locked up in Hawaii, and AKA OBAMA's draft and college records. Already the potential sources for leaks are numerous. And you can bet that AKA OBAMA and his lawyers are concerned about many more possible leaks than these.
There is a long list of vulnerability points for leaks, and there is a story behind every one of them. This list is one of many available and comes from one of my favorite blogs
• Original, vault copy birth certificate - Not released - Lawyers fees - greater than $1,000,000 - birth certificate - $15.
• Certification of Live Birth - Released - Counterfeit - Case and Affidavits
• Admitted British citizenship at birth - Confirmed via FactCheck.org/FightTheSmears.com
• Birth Announcement - Alleged to be a forgery
• Obama/Dunham marriage license - Not released
• Obama/Dunham divorce - Released (by independent investigators)
• Soetoro/Dunham marriage license - Not released
• Soetoro adoption records - Not released
• Fransiskus Assisi School School application - Released (by independent investigators)
• Punahou School records - Not released
• Soetoro/Dunham divorce - Released (by independent investigators)
• Selective Service Registration - Released - Counterfeit - Document Locator Number update - another FOIA request
• Occidental College records - Not released
• Passport - Not released and records scrubbed clean by Obama's terrorism and intelligence adviser
• Columbia College records - Not released
• Columbia thesis - "Soviet Nuclear Disarmament" - Not released
• Harvard College records - Not released
• Harvard Law Review articles - None
• Illinois Bar Records - Not released.
• Baptism certificate - None
• Medical records - Not released
• Illinois State Senate records - None
• Illinois State Senate schedule - Lost
• Law practice client list - Not released
• University of Chicago scholarly articles - None
• Kindergarten records - this" lost or hidden" incident deserves more detail:
8. THE MISSING KINDERGARTEN RECORDS AND THE MYSTERIOUS NEWSPAPER BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT
"Obama began his education in Hawaii's public schools. He was enrolled in Ms. Sakai's kindergarten class at Noelani Elementary School in 1967. He was only there a couple or three months before he was off to Indonesia.
Those who strive to legitimize AKA Obama have made much of the questionable "birth announcement" that may have been published in the Hawaiian newspapers. This "evidence" if so flimsy that refuting it may actually lend substance to the claim.
There are literally dozens of anti-Birther articles in the media that continue to claim that AKA Obama's birth announcement was in "two different newspapers". These two newspapers are printed by the same publisher and share the same stories and sources. The purpose of this "two newspaper" claim is to falsely imply that these newspapers are independent of each other, and therefore, unlikely to run the same birth announcement.
Birth announcements were called in or mailed in all the time. The Nordyke twins were announced, then recently (about a year ago) that announcement was replaced with the AKA Obama one. And the original owner of the "birth" residence died about 2 years, before the newly discovered birth announcement was touted by the Obama campaign after AKA Obama's Hawaiian 'birth" was challenged. There is also evidence of splicing in the microfilm. The most likely scenario is that the Nordyke twin's birth announcement was spliced out and replaced by a post-dated AKA Obama announcement. The fact that the home address in the fake AKA Obama announcement was never occupied by Ann Dunham and Barack Obama, and that the birth announcement just happened to appear right after the actual tenant of the home died, pretty much drives a stake though the heart of this story. Here is WND's story about the birth address.
http://english.pravda.ru//opinion/feedback/17-09-2010/114965-obama_birth_certificate-0/?mode=print
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
PHOTOS taken in Chicago as President Obama was arriving
This was not seen on the nightly news on any of the networks.
The skunk has replaced the Eagle as the new symbol for the President.
It is half black, half white, and everything it does stinks.
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