NT Chicken : Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.
OS/2 Chicken : It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.
Win 95 Chicken : You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook it and it still tastes like ...chicken.
Mac Chicken : No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it to.
Bill Gates : I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, although dividing 3 by 2 will get you 1.4999999999.
Microsoft Chicken (TM) : It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.
Java Chicken : If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets!)
C Chicken : It crosses the road without looking both ways.
C++ Chicken : The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on the other side.
VB Chicken : USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)
OOP Chicken : It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
Assembler Chicken : First it builds the road ...
Delphi Chicken : The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.
Web Chicken : Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.
Gopher Chicken : Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.
Lotus Chicken : Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!
COBOL Chicken :
0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
PERFORM
0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1
UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING
Bob Dylan : How many roads must one chicken cross?
Colonel Sanders : I missed one?
Dilbert : I hate it when the title gives away the plot!
Howard Cosell : It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an Herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo- sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Jack Nicholson : 'cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
O.J. : It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Mae West : I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Pyrrho the Skeptic : What road?
Roseanne Barr : Urrrrrp. What chicken?
Timothy Leary : Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Zsa Zsa Gabor : It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.
Aristotle : To actualize its potential.
B.F. Skinner : Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung : The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
David Hume : Out of custom and habit.
Douglas Adams : Forty-two.
Epicurus : For fun.
George Washington : Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.
Hamlet : Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and arrows of outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of on coming vehicles...
Johann Friedrich von Goethe : The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
John Constantine : Because it'd made a bollocks of things over on this side of the road and figured it'd better get out right quick.
Julius Caesar : To come, to see, to conquer.
Ludwig Wittgenstein : The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Machiavelli : So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Malcolm X : Because it would get across that road by any means necessary.
Martin Luther King, Jr. : I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Martin Luther King : It had a dream.
Neil Armstrong : One small step for chickenkind, one giant leap for poultry.
Plato : For the greater good.
Richard M. Nixon : The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
Sigmund Freud : The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.
Sisyphus : Was it pushing a rock, too?
The Sphinx : You tell me.
Hippocrates : Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
The Bible : And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Moses : Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.
Buddha : If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
A Nun : It was a habit.
Gerald R. Ford : It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.
Jean-Paul Sartre : In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Joseph Stalin : I don't care. Catch it. Crack its eggs to make my omlette.
Karl Marx : It was a historical inevitability.
Saddam Hussein : This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Saddam Hussein #2 : It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Darwin : It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Darwin 2: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
George Bush : To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
Lord Baden-Powell : To earn a road crossing Badge.
Margaret Thatcher : There was no alternative.
Oliver North : National Security was at stake.
Pat Buchanan : To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Richard M. Nixon : The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
Ronald Reagan : I don't recall.
Louis Farrakhan : The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
John Locke : Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
John Sununu : The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
President Clinton : I did not, and I repeat, I did not have sexual relations with that chicken.
Albert Einstein : Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your point of view. The chicken did not cross the road - it transcended it.
A Square: To get to the other side
Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
Stephen Jay Gould: It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behaviour, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviours that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.
Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabalistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your course.
Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.
Jean-Paul Sartre : In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Nietzsche : Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Immanuel Kant : The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.
Baldrick : It had a cunning plan.
Darth Vader : Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.
Fox Mulder : It was a government conspiracy.
Fox Mulder 2 : You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
Gilligan : The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail - the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!
Scully : It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.
Jerry Seinfeld : Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, 'What the heck was this chicken doing walking all over the place anyway?
Mr. T : If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Captain James T. Kirk : To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Chakotay: Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.
Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in this system. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.
HoloDoc: How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I didn't even know we added chickens to the crew. All I know is that it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the road, if it had remembered to turn me off!
B'Elanna: I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the bleeping regulations of bleeping Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!
Paris: Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.
Harry: I don't know, it's my first mission.
Tuvok: That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer. It makes the junior officers nervous.
Janeway: Its primary goal was no doubt to get back to the Alpha Quadrant...and it probably misses its dog.
Kes: It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped using them!
Odo: I don't have the slightest idea--and I don't particularly care...but then, I've never understood ornithoids' need to engage in such pointless behavior.
Quark: Now really, why would I have bribed him to do it so I could make a tidy profit in the station pool? Besides, all I know is that chicken tastes just like tube grubs.
Kira: It was probably being chased by those damn Cardassians!
The Grand Nagus: Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once! You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing! (Inconceivable!)
Gul Dukat: Well, that's a very interesting question...I'm sure we can work out some kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will be to everyone's satisfaction.
Sisko: I don't care -why- it was crossing the road! All I want to know is -why- it left the coop! So it wanted to "get to the other side"--there is only -so far- that my tolerance will go!
O'Brien: No problem, Commander, I'll get right on it.
Dr. Bashir: Who am I to argue with a chicken?
Dax: To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue,and then there's...
Garak: To get to the other side? Of course not! Do you realize how ridiculous that is? I'm sure it was a simple matter of its farmer expelling it from the coop for...embezzling eggs.
Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.
Riker: I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.
Troi: It was running...running away from...no, escaping...oh, Captain, it was fleeing from such -pain-!
Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong with the universe.
Tasha: That depends...was it fully functional?
Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers and...
Barclay: Uh, chicken?!! Where?!!! C-c-c-ommander, did I ever mention my problem with small feathered things?
Geordi: Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll be there in an hour or two--but any later, and it'll be absolutely impossible for it to make it.
Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by any kind of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir.
Picard: There are four lights!
The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated.
Hugh the Borg: Is it my friend?
Kirk: You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you killed...my SON...you CHICKEN bastard....youkilledmy...son!
Spock: Fasincating, Captain, it seems driven by a beam of pure energy.
Bones: Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!
Scotty: I donna know, Captain, but it's crossing as fast as it can!
Chekov: Of course, you know chickens were originally domesticated by the famous Russian chickenologist, Vladimir Chickovsky, who in 1435.....
Uhura: Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?
Sulu: Don't call me Tiny!
Khan: With my last breath I spit at the chicken...
Harvey Mudd: Chicken? I don't remember any chicken. No no no, there's been a terrible misunderstanding.
Nurse Chapel: Oh, Spock!
Lwaxana: Oh, Jean-Luc!
V'Ger: To join with the Creator.
Dr. Soran: His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.)
Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...
Sarek: Sometimes logic fails me where chickens are concerned.
Gene Roddenberry: To boldy go where no one had gone before.
Dr. Seuss : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it, I've not been told!
Emily Dickinson : Because it could not stop for death.
Ernest Hemingway : To die. In the rain.
Henry David Thoreau : To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain : The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Oliver Stone : The question is not, 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' but rather, 'Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?'
Ralph Waldo Emerson : It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Robert Frost : To reach the sidewalk less travelled by.
William Shakespeare : I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado
George Orwell : Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
M.C.Escher : That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.
Salvador Dali : The Fish.
Werner Heisenberg : We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
L.A. Police Department : Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Grandpa : In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Bill the Cat : Oops... Ack.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
A: She wanted to lay it on the line.
Q: Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
A: She wanted to stretch her legs.
Q: Why did the Roman chicken cross?
A: She was afraid someone would caesar!
Q: How did the wealthy rubber chicken cross the road?
A: In her Cadillac stretch limo.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum it could actually be done!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
A: Because it was a double-crosser
A farmer with lots of chickens posted the following sign:
"Free Chickens. Our Coop Runneth Over."
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