Great observations by people through history

 

Great observations by people through history Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'   -   Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) <><>   Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..  - Mark Twain <><>  I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'  - Eleanor Roosevelt    <><>   Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .   - Joe Namath <><>   The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible George Burns <><>   By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.  - Socrates <><>       Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year..  - Victor Borge  <><>    By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal  <><>     Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.. - Phyllis Diller Don't worry about avoiding temptation.   As you grow older, it will avoid you.  - Winston Churchill  <><>   My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.. - Rodney Dangerfield I have never  hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.  - Zsa Zsa Gabor  <><>   We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.  - Will Rogers  <><>   <><>   I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx <><>    My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.  - Jimmy Durante   <><>   Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.  - Alex Levine <><>      Money can't buy you happiness ..... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan <><>    I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.  - Bob Hope  <><>      I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..  - W. C. Fields   And the cardiologist' s diet: -  If it tastes good spit it out.  Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door.