Photo Credit: iStock
By Julie Sibert
I’m A Submissive, Christian Wife And My Marriage Is Blazin’ Hot
My
husband and I have a fairly traditional marriage. I stay home with the
kids and he goes out into the world and “slays dragons.” (Well, he
works for the local gas and water company, but “slays dragons” sounds
more edgy, doesn’t it?) We are your typical chaotic family.
On
any given day, I’m breaking up sibling squabbles, staring into my
pantry to see if the “dinner fairy” has again overlooked me, and trying
to tame the calendar. Oh, I also clean up the dog poop. Besides his
regular job, my husband juggles his fair share of home responsibilities,
too — cars, lawns, broken stuff, clogged pipes and precarious “about to
fall” tree limbs. In addition to all this, we care for two elderly
family members.
My
husband and I are Christians and therefore I believe that it is my
calling to be a “submissive” wife. So, what does submission look like
for me? I am submissive in that while my husband and I openly discuss
all major decisions that impact our family, I ultimately yield to his
decisions. We agree on some things; we disagree on others. That’s
marriage, but when it comes down to deciding time, I defer to him.
Certainly
submission does not mean going against what I believe is right or
moral. For example, if a husband tells his wife she should “steal,”
then she would be completely justified in not submitting to him. And
submission absolutely does not mean a woman should overlook abuse
(either of herself or her children).
But
I do seek my husband’s advice and opinion and defer to him on many
decisions. I believe that he is the head of the house and I respect his
leadership role. This isn’t hard for me. I am fortunate to have a
husband who “loves his wife as Christ loved the church,” which is part
of a verse from the Bible (Ephesians 5:21-32) that instructs husbands to
care for their wives.
So,
despite what many people think, submission for me is not so hard. The
life of a submissive wife is a daily reality for many Christian couples.
And I wouldn’t exchange roles for anything. In fact, our traditional
roles and Christian values have led to a great sex life.
So what does this have to do with sex?
Let
me clarify that when I say “submission” in regards to sexual intimacy, I
am not talking about a wife automatically doing whatever her husband
wants sexually, especially if what he wants flies in the face of what
the Bible commands. For example, if your husband wants to have a
threesome or wants you to view pornography, this would be adulterous,
which certainly is outside the bounds of God’s design for sex.
If,
on the other hand, your husband simply wants to try a new position or
add some variety, I urge you to not instantly say “no” without some
legitimate discussion and prayer.
The
Christian model for a marriage encourages women to be modest, but that
doesn’t inhibit us from sexual expression with our husbands. In fact, in
1 Corinthians 7:3-5, God says that husbands and wives should not
withhold their bodies from each other. Sexual intimacy is a
mutually-shared endeavor, where both the husband and wife bear
responsibility. And let’s not forget, orgasms were designed by God. And
orgasms feel really, really good.
Odds
are that because the clitoris is a bit less predictable than the penis,
your husband is going to need your help in understanding what it is
going to take to make you climax. This is where sexual confidence can
strengthen your marriage. You both need to learn with each other and
from each other what arousal looks like for each of you. ARTICLE
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