Obama's Civilian National Security Force

TRUE GOOD ADVICE- COULD PREVENT MANY PROBLEMS AND SAVE MANY MARRIAGES

** A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgae, worried about her husband's
temper and threatening manner.

The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet?

The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do. Every time
ma hubbie comes home pished, he threatens to slap me aroon'."

The Doctor says: "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that. When your
husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start
swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until
he goes to bed and is sound asleep."

Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

She says: "Doctor that was!! Evrae time ma hubbie came home pished, I
swished with water. I swished an' swished, and he didnae touch me even once!

Tell me Doc...wha's the secret? How's the water do that?"

The Doctor says: "Janet hen, it's really nae big secret. The water does
bugger all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..." ****

KIMMEL POKES OBAMA

OBAMA SWINDLES SENIORS

Obama-care’s cuts in Medicare Advantage funding, which would cause many seniors to lose their preferred health plans. Under the implementation schedule stipulated in Obamacare, many seniors would either lose their plans, or learn that they are going to lose them, before the election that will likely decide Obamacare’s—and Obama’s—fate. 

Anticipating a senior revolt, the administration took action. It ran millions of dollars’ worth of taxpayer-funded TV ads featuring Andy Griffith saying things like, “That new health care law sure sounds good for all of us on Medicare!” It mailed out full-color, taxpayer-funded propaganda brochures singing the same tune. It repeatedly claimed (and continues to claim) that money taken out of Medicare to fund Obamacare would—magically—also stay in Medicare and be used to extend its solvency. 

But the administration didn’t stop there. Instead, it launched an $8.35 billion “demonstration project” to postpone the vast majority of Obamacare’s Medicare Advantage cuts until after what Obama likes to call his “last election.”

http://www.weeklystandard.com/articles/obama-s-senior-swindle_642177.html

WIND FARMS CAUSE GLOBAL WARMING

GREEN LOSER OF THE WEEK

Fierce competition for this week’s Power Line Green Loser of the Week Award.  It might have to be a group award for all the wind power wind bags, for lo—it turns out that wind power may cause global warming!  So says a new study out in Britain, reported in The Telegraph (“Wind farms can cause climate change finds new study”):

On huge wind farms the motion of the turbines mixes the air higher in the atmosphere that is warmer, pushing up the overall temperature.  Satellite data over a large area in Texas, that is now covered by four of the world’s largest wind farms, found that over a decade the local temperature went up by almost 1C as more turbines are built. This could have long term effects on wildlife living in the immediate areas of larger wind farms.

That would be the wildlife that isn’t driven off by the construction and footprint of the wind mills themselves (wait—you didn’t think wildlife was only disturbed by oil and gas wells, did you?), or the winged wildlife chopped up by these Cuisinarts of the Sky.  Brilliant.

http://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2012/04/green-loser-of-the-week.php?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+powerlineblog%2Flivefeed+%28Power+Line%29

TOP 5 BADASS NUNS OF ALL TIME

5. Sister Caterina de Erazu – Hitman in a Habit

Caterina de Erazu was a run-away Spanish nun turned hitwoman in the early 1600s. She ended her career as an almost respectable Mexican mule train driver, after being personally pardoned by the Pope (Clerics and religious were tried by clerical courts, and no one could figure out what to do with a badass nun, so they just kept kicking the case to a higher court. The Pope just found the whole thing fascinating and pardoned her). Being a hitman in a habit is sufficiently badass to put Sister Caterina on this list, but wait… there’s more…

Caterina died following a duel with the husband of a lady she was hot for! It appears that Sister Caterina was America’s first bulldyke independent teamster. Apparently her life story was written in 1641 – unfortunately we can’t find the name of the book or its author!

4. Ani Pachen – Warrior Nun

Ani Pachen was born in 1933 in Tibet. When she was 17 her parents decided to marry her off – but she had other plans! She ran away and moved in to a Buddhist Monastery (3 weeks journey away) and became a Buddhist nun. In 1958 when her father died, she became the leader of her family clan. She took up arms and became a warrior nun – fighting to keep the commies from China out of her homeland. She led her people in guerilla warfare for a year. The Chinese caught her and threw her in jail because she refused to renounce the Dalai Lama. She was beaten and hung by her wrists for a week, spent a year in leg irons and was flung for nine months into solitary confinement in an unlit cell. The last 11 years of her sentence were spent in the infamous Drapchi prison in the Tibetan capital, Lhasa.

As soon as she was released from Prison 21 years later, she went right back to her warrior ways, leading protests and demonstrations. She found out she was going to be put in jail again so she ran away to the border of Tibet. She walked for 25 days in the deep snow to escape to Nepal. She died in 2002.

3. Hildegard of Bingen – Genius

Hildegard of Bingen was born in 1098 to a wealthy family and dedicated to the Church as a nun. When she was 8 she was sent to study with a famous abbess called Jutta (who was, herself, a badass: she lived in a tiny room with no doors and had to be fed through the window!) Hildegard became the abbess of the nunnery when Jutta died. Hildegard turned out to be a genius – she wrote music (the first opera in fact), she wrote letters to Popes giving them advice (when Popes were pretty much the bosses of the whole world), and she was the first woman to write about female sexuality:

When a woman is making love with a man, a sense of heat in her brain, which brings with it sensual delight, communicates the taste of that delight during the act and summons forth the emission of the man’s seed. And when the seed has fallen into its place, that vehement heat descending from her brain draws the seed to itself and holds it, and soon the woman’s sexual organs contract, and all the parts that are ready to open up during the time of menstruation now close, in the same way as a strong man can hold something enclosed in his fist.

She also invented her own version of Latin and a new alphabet and had visions throughout her whole life which she wrote about in her journals. She is considered a Saint and her feast day is on September 17th.

2. Sister Luc Gabriel – better than Elvis

Sister Luc Gabriel (Jeanine Deckers) was best known as the Singing Nun. This nun was so badass that her song Dominque became such a hit that it knocked Elvis Presley off the charts! Overnight, the Dominican nun was an international celebrity with the stage name of Soeur Sourire (Sister Smile). She gave concerts and appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1964. Her fame went to her head and she eventually left the convent to spend more time on her musical career.

At the same time she shacked up with her lesbian lover and released a song “Glory Be to God for the Golden Pill” singing the praises of the contraceptive pill. After her first album none of her music was very successful. In 1982, she and her girlfriend committed suicide together by taking sleeping tablets with alcohol.

You can see her hit song Dominque on youtube.

1. Christina The Astonishing

Christina the Astonishing was born in 1150 in Belgium. When she was 21 she had a massive seizure and died. Half way through her funeral she jumped out of her coffin and flew to the ceiling! This caused everyone to run from the church screaming. When the priest ordered her down she said that she had seen Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory. She also said she could smell the sin on people. Because the smell of sin made her sick, she would often fly (yes really – fly) away from people and sit on the top branches of tall trees. She also hid herself in ovens and on roofs. She lived in a way that was considered poverty even in the 13th century, sleeping on rocks, wearing rags, begging, and eating what came to hand. She would roll in fire or handle it without harm, stand in freezing water in the winter for hours, spend long periods in tombs, or allow herself to be dragged under water by a mill wheel, though she never sustained injury. Despite this incredibly odd (and yet badass) behavior, she was highly regarded in her time and many people asked her for advice. [Image courtesy of Cynthia Large - a brilliant artist who work I strongly recommend you see.]

Contributor: Xanthius

http://listverse.com/2008/02/17/top-5-most-badass-nuns-of-all-time/

WHY BMWs ARE SO POPULAR

A California man has sued BMW North America and a motorcycle seat maker claiming that a four-hour round-trip ride on his 1993 BMW bike with a "ridge-like" seat gave him "a severe case of priapism (a persistent, lasting erection)" that's lasted 20 months and counting.
http://content.usatoday.com/communities/driveon/post/2012/04/man-sues-bmw-for-persistent-erection-after-bike-ride/1#.T51vALNYuq8

FEMEN Protest Islam Oppression of Women in Paris

Freedom Of Speech Abridged And Now A Felony

A similar thing happened in 1933 but not in the USA.

IT'S HOW YOU SAY IT

Bored At Airport

Commie Conspiracy

"ALL THIS FOR A DAMN FLAG"

ATTACK ON FAMILIES

http://www.patriotsuperpac.net/1951/offer.asp?rid=35261988

SACRIFICE!

Imagine a society

Imagine a society where all the men or all the women suddenly disappeared! Which society would fare better?


http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2012/04/26/will_getting_rid_of_women_for_a_week_teach_anyone_anything_about_gender_and_labor_.html

ALL HEAD IS NOT GOOD

Paroled After Being On Death Row For A Year

Prada, the 4-year-old pit bull mix that was ruled vicious and ordered put down, was released Thursday from Nashville's Animal Control facility, where the dog had been held since January 2011.

Prada was ordered put down after attacking several other dogs. A judge spared the dog's life after the Villalobos Rescue Center in New Orleans agreed to take the animal.

The center is featured in Animal Planet's reality TV show "Pitt Bulls and Parolees," which puts ex-convicts and abused dogs together so both man and animal can be rehabilitated.

http://news.yahoo.com/dog-spared-death-penalty-released-230245022.html

Nova Rockafeller - THE TOWN

Tall Buildings

Overdose antidote given to addicts around U.S.

Steve Wohlen lay on his front lawn, blue, unconscious and barely breathing, overdosing on heroin.

His mother ran outside, frantically assembling a pen-like canister. Her heart pounding, she dropped to her knees and used the device to deliver two squirts up her son's nostrils.

Within minutes, his eyes opened, color returned to his face, and he sat up - brought back from a potentially lethal overdose by a drug commonly known by its old brand name, Narcan.

The drug, widely sold under its generic name, naloxone, counteracts the effects of heroin, OxyContin and other powerful painkillers and has been routinely used by ambulance crews and emergency rooms in the U.S. for decades. But in the past few years, public health officials across the nation have been distributing it free to addicts and their loved ones, as well as to some police and firefighters.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-204_162-57423005/overdose-antidote-given-to-addicts-around-u.s/?google_editors_picks=true

Killer Pigeon

THE OLD CHICKENS' RETIREMENT HOME

The Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary in Scio, Ore., is one place where former Portland chickens live their later years. More Photos »

By LEE VAN DER VOO

Published: April 25, 2012

PORTLAND, Ore. — Hindus regard the chicken as a vessel for evil spirits. The Chinese cook them to honor village deities. But here, chickens are a symbol of urban nirvana, their coops backyard shrines to a locavore movement that has city dwellers moving ever closer to their food. And the increasingly intimate relationships have led some bird owners to make plans for their chickens’ unproductive years. Hence a budding phenomenon: urban chicken retirement

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/26/us/new-homes-beckon-for-city-chickens-in-retirement.html

SOUPER GOOD FUN!

EVEN THE PIGEONS ARE BECOMING OBESE!

Of course, fat pigeons may be only the beginning. If one embarks on a tour of animal corpulence, spiraling out from captivity to the wild, a seemingly growing army of rotund beasts rounds into view. At home the fat animals are well known: They are fat husbands and fat children, fat dogs, fat cats, and fat pet macaws. Zoos and aquariums keep their own set of fat creatures in captivity. In 2008, for example, the dolphins at Japan’s Kinosaki Marine World grew too plump to jump, and were placed on a reduced-mackerel diet. A similar difficulty arose in a Shanghai aquarium when the sharks got so tubby that keepers gave them fish stuffed with cabbage to help them slim down.
http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2012/04/animal_obesity_are_pigeons_getting_fatter_.html

THE WAR ON TERROR IS OVER!

Today, the National Journal reported that a senior State Department official has announced, “The war on terror is over.”

“Now that we have killed most of al Qaida,” the source said, “now that people have come to see legitimate means of expression, people who once might have gone into al Qaida see an opportunity for a legitimate Islamism.”

The article itself describes the Obama administration’s new vision of foreign policy, which admits no enemies. Everyone, in this view, is a friend. Islamism, says the Obama administration, is just fine, so long as it does not openly support terrorism.

http://decoded.nationaljournal.com/2012/04/can-obama-safely-embrace-islam.php

YAY! We can bring all the troops home and disband the TSA immediately!

JUSTICE FOR TRAYVON

WHAT DID HE SAY???

THIS SHOULD OFFEND AT LEAST TWO GROUPS


At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.


After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man.


Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"


At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the crap out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.


Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. "What did he say to you?"


"I'm not sure, man;" the black guy replied.


"But it was something about a job."

WOW! EVEN OBAMA CAN SPOT THE BATSHIT CRAZIES!

Susan Sarandon is speaking candidly about government surveillance. She says she has been a target of such activity, and that she was recently denied clearance to visit the White House.

The actress was speaking with filmmaker Michael Moore during a question-and-answer session at the Tribeca Film Festival on Sunday. The pair, both known for their politically liberal ideologies, say they've been the targets of government observation.

http://movies.yahoo.com/blogs/movie-talk/susan-sarandon-denied-white-house-clearance-162538391.html

ORIGINS OF ANCIENT SUMO TRADITION

DOES OPPRESSION CREATE OBSESSION?

22nm Tri-gate Transistors

http://www.pcworld.com/article/254261/13_quadcore_intel_ivy_bridge_chips_expected.html

Why Some Men Have A Dog And No Wife

1. The later you are the more excited your dogs are to see you.

 

2. Dogs do not notice if you call them by another dog's name.

 

 

3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.

 

 

4. A dog's parents never visit.

 

 

5. Dogs agree you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

 

6. Dogs find you amusing when you are drinking.

 

 

7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

 

 

8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask "If I died would you get another dog?"

 

 

 

9. If a dog has babies you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

 

10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it

without calling you a pervert.

  

11. If a dog smells another dog on you they do not get mad.  They just think it interesting. 

 

12. If a dog leaves it will not take half your stuff.

 

13. Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.  Then open it and see who is happy to see you.

NDE

The scientific NDE studies performed over the past decades indicate that heightened mental functions can be experienced independently of the body at a time when brain activity is greatly impaired or seemingly absent (such as during cardiac arrest). Some of these studies demonstrate that blind people can have veridical perceptions during OBEs associated with an NDE. Other investigations show that NDEs often result in deep psychological and spiritual changes.

These findings strongly challenge the mainstream neuroscientific view that mind and consciousness result solely from brain activity. As we have seen, such a view fails to account for how NDErs can experience—while their hearts are stopped—vivid and complex thoughts and acquire veridical information about objects or events remote from their bodies.

NDE studies also suggest that after physical death, mind and consciousness may continue in a transcendent level of reality that normally is not accessible to our senses and awareness. Needless to say, this view is utterly incompatible with the belief of many materialists that the material world is the only reality.

http://www.salon.com/2012/04/21/near_death_explained/

We're safe! He's a vegan now!

This was opening night for "Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth -- Live on Stage," his six-night, one-man, is-he-really-going-to-do-this? show at the MGM Grand.

The mind reeled. Would the crowd be issued ear muffs? Would he release his pigeons? Would he eat your children?

"I don't think so," guessed comedian George Lopez. "He's a vegan now."

Guess who's coming to dinner, Bo?

PENTAGON PROVIDES THERAPY TO PTSD SOLDIERS

Stanley Ann becomes a nude model

Stanley Ann becomes a nude model
In the summer of 1961, Stanley Ann appeared in beach photos, wearing a bikini, which clearly revealed she was not pregnant during what should have been her third trimester. Subsequent nude photos, apparently taken by Frank Marshall Davis, appeared in porn magazines by Christmas, 1961. A teenaged Stanley Ann, sporting some cheap jewelry, knee-high stockings, hi-heels, and her birthday suit, posed in a Christmas-tree setting, kneeling, squatting, and lying on the floor of Davis’ Hawaii apartment. 

Interesting story here about the family history
http://web.me.com/donnicoloff/directlightproductions.com/Articles/Entries/2009/7/18_The_Three_Stooges_go_to_Washington,_Part_7-A.html

NEW HBO SERIES

MIKE AND THE PROSTITUTES

"Laying in bed in a hotel room — I try never to be alone, even if it's a prostitute, a dog. This is really dark. I am in my hotel suite, I've got seven women there, and I have a morphine drip, and I had my cocaine, and I had my Cialis, I had my marijuana, I had the Hennessy, and I am at my lowest point because I got paranoid and I thought these women were trying to rob me and set me up. I started beating them. I was in a dark place. There was a purpose, though, because I didn't want to give them any more of my soul."

—Mike Tyson

We're safe! He's a vegan now!

 http://joed205.blogspot.com/2012/04/were-safe-hes-vegan-now.html

HOW BUBBA GOT THE JOB AT WALMART

A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were
equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one
question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the
interviewer asked, ‘What is the fastest thing you know of?’
The first man replied, ‘A THOUGHT.’ It just pops into your head. There’s no
warning.
‘That’s very good!’ replied the interviewer. ‘And, now you sir?’, he asked
the second man.
‘Hmmm…let me see ‘A blink! It comes and goes and you don’t know that it
ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.’
‘Excellent!’ said the interviewer. ‘The blink of an eye, that’s a very
popular cliché for speed.’ He then turned to the third man, who was
contemplating his reply.
‘Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall
there’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the
pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. ‘Yep,
TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of’.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had
found his man. ‘It’s hard to beat the speed of light,’ he said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same
question.
Old Bubba replied, ‘After hearing the previous three answers, it’s obvious
to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.’
‘WHAT!?’ said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
‘Oh sure’, said BUBBA. ‘You see, the other day I wasn’t feeling so good,
and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE
LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.’
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

ONE GOOD ASS WIPPIN WOULD MAKE IT MUCH LIGHTER

BLACK GIRLS

THEY DON'T PLAY WITH KIDS IN GA

All of us have mood swings which involve ripping things down from off the wall and throwing furniture at people. That's no reason for 5-0 to handcuff you and take you down to the station.

POLICE KILL SUICIDAL PORN STAR

Marland Anderson, known by many as Sledge Hammer, who was tased to the point of cardiac arrest by police.
Anderson died Friday, five days after police took him to a hospital for attempting suicide, the Los Angeles Times reports. The incident began on April 8 when the police responded to a report of an attempted suicide in the Reseda area.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/16/sledge-hammer-tasered-_n_1429287.html?ref=mostpopular

OBAMA PLAN TO PAY OFF THE NATIONAL DEBT

START THE PRESS!!!

SUNNY OUTLOOK ON TAX DAY

GREAT LIFE TRUTHS

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE  CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you  can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5)  You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.



GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge..mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.




GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

1) Growing old is  mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down
there.
4)  You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody
bothers to ask you the  questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.



THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . .. not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is ..... having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is ..... having money.
At age 50 success is  . .. having money.
At age 70 success is . . ..having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is ..... having friends.
At age 80 success is ..... not piddling in your pants.