joed205: May 2014

Friday, May 30, 2014

THE SHOEBOX

THE SHOEBOX
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

For more stories like this, like The San Francisco Times!!

SCREEN TIME ACROSS THE WORLD

It’s rare that a single chart can be so simple and yet so horrifying. Such is the case with a chart put together by widely respected Kleiner Perkins Internet analyst Mary Meeker for her annual presentation on Internet trends.

The chart above, shared by Quartz, shows the average number of minutes people spend each day staring at screens. Data is separated by country, and it also shows a breakdown revealing how long our faces are glued to TVs, computers, smartphones, and tablets each day.

SHRILLARY'S BAD CHOICES

Jack's Priest and Murray's Rabbi

Jack's Priest and Murray's Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'

The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"