Millennials aren’t getting laid and what’s worse, they don’t want to. Even the ones in relationships aren’t having sex. Their parents are having more sex than they are and their parents are gross. On my show, I asked regular guest Mercedes Carrera why this is happening and she said it’s Malthusian. Citing the mouse utopia experiment, she claimed species stop breeding when they hit an apex. If we were Scientologists we’d call it “full clarity.” Why continue evolution when you’ve finished evolving? Japan seems to have cut out intercourse entirely, and we all know how advanced they are.
She’s got a point. We are so spoiled we’re now complaining that air-conditioning is sexist. When entrepreneurs improve our lives, we scoff at them and say, “You didn’t build that.” We used to all agree that late-term abortions are wrong, but those days are gone and now fourth-trimester abortions are considered a viable option. The Dead Ovary Feminists hate men so much they just stopped making them. Millennials aren’t fighting back. When told that virtually all sex is rape and hitting on girls is assault, they’ve responded with a surrendering shrug. Millennials are behaving exactly like the mice in Universe 25. They are sexless and bored with no interest in carrying on.
No comments:
Post a Comment