When God Sends You Help … don't Ask Questions
She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication,
Got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP.
Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up,
driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.
She hugged the man and through tears said,
"Thank You, God, for sending me such a very nice man."
The man heard her little prayer and replied,
"Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday; I was in prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again, sobbing,
"Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a Professional!"
Is GOD great or what!?!
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Golf Rule Change
There will no longer be a penalty stoke for hitting a ball into the water or out of bounds. The USGA , the R&A, the PGA, after a private meeting with Bill Clinton, have recommended that your opponent must prove that you intended to hit the ball into these hazards in order for there to be a penalty.
Carelessness or ignorance is not intent.
No intent-no penalty stroke.
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This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke, "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered 'twice weekly.' Your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night.'"
"Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a Professional!"
Is GOD great or what!?!
==============================================
Golf Rule Change
There will no longer be a penalty stoke for hitting a ball into the water or out of bounds. The USGA , the R&A, the PGA, after a private meeting with Bill Clinton, have recommended that your opponent must prove that you intended to hit the ball into these hazards in order for there to be a penalty.
Carelessness or ignorance is not intent.
No intent-no penalty stroke.
==============================================
This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke, "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered 'twice weekly.' Your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night.'"
"That's right," replies the bloke, "And that's how it's going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off."
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Q. What Do You Call A 400 Pound Woman Who Likes Both Men And Women?
A. A Bisexual Built For 2!
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A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked,'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
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2500 years ago a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-offa’me) was attending a great athletic festival in Greece. This festival had no name. In those days, the athletes performed naked (believe it or not).
To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.
At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked athletic males marching toward her and she exclaimed: “Oh! Limp pricks!”
Over the next two and a half millennia that expression morphed into “Olympics”.
Just thought I’d share this new found knowledge with you.
You’re very welcome
==============================================
==============================================
Q. What Do You Call A 400 Pound Woman Who Likes Both Men And Women?
A. A Bisexual Built For 2!
==============================================
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked,'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
==============================================
2500 years ago a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-offa’me) was attending a great athletic festival in Greece. This festival had no name. In those days, the athletes performed naked (believe it or not).
To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.
At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked athletic males marching toward her and she exclaimed: “Oh! Limp pricks!”
Over the next two and a half millennia that expression morphed into “Olympics”.
Just thought I’d share this new found knowledge with you.
You’re very welcome
==============================================
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