2013 DARWIN AWARDS
(I must say that I think the 3rd place winner should have been the top winner)
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection
from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when
it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach
used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach
him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to
free him.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into
the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who
said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front
door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing
the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed police
officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the
would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a
target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired.
The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was
hurt. (I find it discouraging that more than half of the shots fired
missed the target. Shameful)
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
AM so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to
see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window
was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the
middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited and at least 10
men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at
the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a
bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a
coil of lineman' s cable lay nearby. They secured one end around
Bingham' s leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40
feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two
nearby fishermen.
Bingham' s foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated
elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant' s unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It
seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves . . . ‘Shit
happens'
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO OFFER THANKS TO THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.
