Paraprosdokians

Paraprosdokians  (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of  a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently  humorous.

1. Where there's  a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt  you.

But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than  sound, some people appear bright

until you hear them speak.

4. If I  agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only  learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only  who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit..

Wisdom is  not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is  plagiarism.

To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was  your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application,  where it says,

'In case of emergency, notify:' I put  'DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk  down

the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are  sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive.

You only need a  parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so  sure .…

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and  call

whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you  a Christian any more

than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16.  You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to  respect my elders, but i t’s getting harder and

harder for me to  find one now.