A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his. One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.
He responded by asking how she was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"
She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."
Her father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the conservative side of the fence."
A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing
The robber yelled, 'Well, did anyone else see my face?'
There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak.
Then, one old cowboy tentatively raised his hand, and while keeping his head down said,
On his way out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing
the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The
robber instantly shot him also. Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at
the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, 'Well, did anyone else see my face?'
There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak.
Then, one old cowboy tentatively raised his hand, and while keeping his head down said,
'My wife got a pretty good look at you".
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What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
-One looks up your family tree, the other looks up your family bush
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Because his son wasn't the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. "Now you lissen good, Dan'l, 'cuz here's whatcha gotta do. One: Take out your penie-pipe. Two: Pull back the foreskin. Three: Pee. Four: Push back your foreskin. Five: Put your equipment back."
The boy said he understood, but the next day while he was working at his still, Joe's wife came running over. "Oh, Joe, Joe, come quick! Dan'l went ta piss an' won't come out of the outhouse!"
"Hell, whut's he doin' in there?" Joe said.
"I dunno." He jess keeps sayin' "Two-four, two-four, two-four....."
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A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt so she asked, "Johnny, is there anything wrong"?
The boy replied, "No, I was going fishing but my dad told me that I needed to go to church".
The teacher was very impressed and asked Johnny if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing.
Johnny replied, "Yes teacher, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us".
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Mrs. Grednick, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her weight-watchers meeting. "My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure," she lamented to the woman next to her.
"Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that? You'll feel better, too."
"You don't understand. He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn meetings!
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