While leading the Friday evening services, the rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The rabbi, horrified, asked the cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: "What are doing here with a dog?"
Bernie: "The dog came here to pray."
"Oh, come on." scoffs the rabbi.
"YES!" exclaims Bernie.
Rabbi: "I don't believe you. You are just fooling around, and that's not a proper thing to do in temple.
" Bernie: "Its true!"
"Ok," replies the rabbi, thinking he would call Bernie's bluff, "then show me what the dog can do."
"OK" answers Bernie, nodding to the dog... The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallit (puts them on his head), and prayer book; actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew!
The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full fifteen minutes! When the rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying, asks Bernie, "Do you think your dog would consider going to rabbinical school??
" Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust exclaims, "YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!!"
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"
"Yes, coach", replied the little boy.
" Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him an asshole. Do you understand all that?"
Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.
The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not a dumb ass decision or that the coach is a shithead is it?"
"Good", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.