JOKES 0F THE DAY 100715

Senior Texts 

Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary: 

BFF: Best Friend Fainted 
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth 
CBM: Covered by Medicare 
FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers 
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out 
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low! 

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Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!" 

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" 

Student: "Bacon!" 

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" 

Student: "Homework!" 

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The cop, responding to a call of domestic violence, said to Mrs. Smith, "Why did you throw the iron at your husband?" 

"Because he called me a nymphomaniac!" 

"Is that," asked the officer, "a good reason to hit him?" 

"Sure was," she answered. "He called me that right in front of the mailman, the milkman, the plumber, and the cable guy." 

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Why do you look so glum today?", the teacher asked young Johnny. 

"I didn't have no breakfast," Johnny mumbled. 

"You poor dear," said the teacher. 

"Now, to return to our geography lesson, Johnny, where is the French border?" 

"In bed with my mom. That's why I didn't have no breakfast." 

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Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator. While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation. The first guy answers, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E. , you know... 'Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.'" 

The second guy replies, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., ...'Double Income, No Kids Yet.'" 

The third guy tells 'em, "I'm a R.U.B., ...'Rich, Urban, Biker.'" 

The fourth guy adds, I am a D.I.L.D.O., you know...'Double Income, Little Dog Owner.'" 

They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?" 

She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc." 

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