JOKES OF THE DAY 102815

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Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'prejudice' these days...

A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am, but let me ask you something.  If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?  Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?  Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?  Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?  Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"

The clerk replied, “Because you're in Ace Hardware."

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Happy Halloween


A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.  The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.

Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed.  

So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.  

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. 

He said: 'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.'

'Did you dance much?'

'I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to....'

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During a commercial airline flight an experienced Navy pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "that's a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate pressure in the ears.

The Navy pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing gum."

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A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.  
They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. 
  
The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair, under the table and under the table cloth
but the man stared straight ahead. 
  
The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and totally out of sight under the tablecloth. Still, the man stared straight ahead. 
  
The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risqué and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man: 
"Pardon me sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table." 
  
The man calmly looked up at her and said:  "No, she didn't .......... she just walked in."

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