Wisdom Of A Senior
Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age it takes some serious effort to really give a rat's ass anymore.
If walking was good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, eats only fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and lives only 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run at all and does mostly nothing, yet it lives 150 years.
And they tell us we must exercise? I don't think so.
Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and still have most of it.
2. These days my wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and All-Bran.
3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. If all is not lost, then where the hell is it?
6. It was a whole lot easier to get older than it was to get wiser.
7. Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I could use a few of them.
9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
12. The world beats a path to your door only when you're in the bathroom.
13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everybody wants to play chess.
15. It is not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
17. These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.
18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.
20. Have I sent this message to you before, or did I get it from you?