THE EX-WIFE

Any of you guys have an ex-wife out there that might fit these descriptions....
* She's been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.
* She's been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum.
* She's done more screwing than Black and Decker.
* She's responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood.
* She's turned more tricks than Houdini has.
* She's been in more motel rooms than the Bible.
* She's been boarded more times than Amtrak.
* She's been mounted more often than Trigger.
* She's been involved with more animals than Marlin Perkins has.
* She's entertained more troops than Bob Hope.
* She's been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare has.
* She's been turned more ways than Rubik's Cube.
* She's spent more time under men than bar stools.
* She's seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.
* She's had more turnovers than the International House of Pancakes.
* She's been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.
* She's had more marines land on her bed than on Iwo Jima.
* Hoover classifies her tongue as a vacuum cleaner.
* Her body has been declared a national recreation area.
* Her diaphragms come with a service contract.
* She has an IUD with a beeper!
* She uses industrial strength douche.
* Her gynecologist entered her in the Grand Canyon look-alike contest.
* Her underwear is by Rubbermaid.
* Her pantyhose have a pet door.
* She was hospitalized for six months when a truck driver mistook her for the Holland Tunnel.